I don't know but even if I stand up for myself deep down I have sense of feeling like the achievement I have achieved I don't deserve them.
how do I deal witg this issue??
I always feel a need to have someone look after me even if am an adult.
is there anything I can do?? am 22 and I think I need to step up but that feeling never goes away

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First post because I genuinely don't know what to do. Hi, I'm a university math student who loves what she does. Last year I got diagnosed with ADHD and while it explained a lot, i realized that I'm too poor to do anything about it other than work and struggle.
I love tutoring and I'm really good at it however it's kind of to the detriment of my studies - I regularly put tutoring above my own studies. I have some connections in the department but I'm genuinely tired of trying everything and getting nowhere.
I can't become a teacher - I respect the profession too much to join because I need a job. There are a variety of other personal reasons, but I'll leave it at that
I've spent the past year trying my best to achieve my goal - become a professor and the main hurdle is grad school: I have all the support I can get from my university, and I've genuinely tried my best but I'm at a compete loss. Between conversations with professors and grad students - I'm well suited for math graduate school however I absolutely refuse to be unsure if I'll get in.
trying not to quit - i am trying to find anyone/anything to help me so i can do my first research project. i can't afford to do research without credit or unpaid and i genuinely don't know what to do. i have a genuine sob story (i've done my undergrad through quarantine) and I'm genuinely about to start finding ways to contact celebrities....
i keep contacting more and more random people in the field unsure what to do because i'm in canada: the only way undergraduates get research funding is if they have high GPAs. This frustrates me a ton because 1) if anyone cares about diversity I check almost every box 2) I've spent the entirety of my life living as if I don't have a disability and the last three years have show I need to slow down so I don't get overwhelmed and shut down.
😭 i don't want to quit before i even try to apply to grad school, but i genuinely don't see any other way cause i can't make it to grad school as is.... i might as well forget about it. should i make a gofundme?

FTM mom here. I have a question—is it standard for daycares to have a policy in place that parents can’t leave car seats behind? My nearly 9 month old started daycare in January and we have been leaving her car seat there due to the fact that the person that drops her off isn’t always the same person that picks her up (it just depends on our work schedules that week). Yesterday our daycare notified parents they would no longer be able to keep car seats. It’s made me super annoyed and I’m actually considering changing daycares because of that (and that reason that they keep my nearly 9 month old in the 0-5 month old room, but that’s another story). The way I see it parents will now have to purchase another car seat simply because the facility can’t seem to purchase a shelf for parents to store their car seats. I’m also concerned about emergencies. If something were to happen andI needed someone on my emergency contact list to pick her up they wouldn’t have a car seat. It just seems silly to me. Am I overreacting here?

Yea, am I tired of hearing this crap.. I've been going through a midlife crisis for the last 2-3 years. I've endured harsh trauma as a child, an abusive mother, group homes, bad friends, and even a couple of good friends that only came around after I was too broken to be good enough for them.
To summarize, I often feel as I have never really been loved in my entire life. it's some soul-breaking shit.. But all anyone can say is "Get a Job!", "Get Therapy", "go to a doctor", "get exorcise","smoke weed", "get laid", "get drunk", "get over it" .etc.
All this mainstream bullshit. Like, a lifetime of trauma, depression, and now, just feeling lost, numb(figuratively, but also partially literally..), and broken, but obviously just changing my outlook will solve everything..
I also have monotone speech, so I have the wonderful gift of no one taking me seriously, or wanting to listen to me for extended periods (since my voice basically turns into white noise after so long..).
Right now, I'm really against a wall. I'm stuck living with my mother again after a botched attempt to move back to the big city. But I was unprepared for just how bad the rent situation had gotten.. So I sit in my room, numb.. broken.. part catatonic, staring at/through my tv for entire days, unable to sleep more hours due to overthinking, and anxiety.
I can't even get my (anti-depression)meds cuz it's impossible to get a DR anymore, and the hospital refuses to refill them now, and all the walk-in clinics cept one has closed, and I can't get to that one from the town I live in before the clinic is booked up for the day, since it's the only walk in clinic for that city, and the surrounding towns..
I'm currently on disability, I'm not rich, nor do I have the mental, or physical strength in me to get anywhere near there. I'm honestly at a point where, I can either do something drastic, or say screw it all, and take a long walk off a short dock with a big fat cinder block.
Blah blah, whine whine. so-on..
Point being, What I really want is to travel. I have a few grand saved. I was thinking of going to the Philippines due to lower costs, and friendly people (actual friendly people, not these vanity driven robots we have in Canada, that lie to people, just to seem friendly). I'm not currently looking into moving anywhere. I just want to live, love, explore. Find anything in life that would make life actually worth living. I need a spark to reignite my will to live.
I'm mostly just wondering if any of you have decided to make similar ventures. Or would have any suggestions. Hence the topic name, tbh. I figured the best way to attract the type of people that wouldn't give me bullshit replies, would be to name the topic something that'd piss off the type of people that are less likely to give bullshit replies. Lol (people on the internet do love to rage-post).

(Pics of me on profile!)
Hey, amazing people of Reddit. I'm Jim.
It's been a while since I last posted here, and while my last post got me in contact with some great people, it was sadly not something that lasted.
I'm currently just living a very chill and honestly somewhat boring life. I work, eat, game the evening away, repeat. I am, however, looking for a bit more.
As for what I'm looking for, I've been missing a connection with someone as of late. Someone to call with for hours, play a game together, share memes, and watch dumb YouTube videos.
A little about me as well: -big fan of memes (a friend told me about grippy sock vacations and I cannot forget out it) -very sweet and gentle personality. Not very shy though. -pc gamer, I own a switch as well, but it's not getting nearly enough love. -dumb sense of humor and I love to laugh -love traveling as well and have been to several countries around the world. -open and honest about literally everything. Will share my life story with you if you'd ask
If any of this sounds interesting at all, feel free to message or DM me. Hope to hear from you :)

Firstly me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship for 4 months and this game allowed us to spend most of the day together even though we were far from each other. After spending nearly 100 hours together in the game, we got bored and decided to quit gradually. About a week ago, when one of my other girlfriends told me there was such a game, I said that I knew the game and that I could accompany it if she wanted. My girlfriend, on the other hand, went crazy after learning about this and said that we had many special experiences with this game, the game is available for this and it should remain special between us. I tried to tell her that she was being a bit ridiculous and reacting unnecessarily, but she told me that despite everything, I shouldn't act like that. What you guys thinking about that and this game? Not she overreacting?

I (22F) have been on nexplanon for nearly 6 years now and replaced it around June of last year. When I first started BC I was 171lb but fluctuated back down to maybe 160 (?) After having several ovarian tumors removed and then starting nexplanon the same day. While I was on Nexplanon the first time I didn’t experience weight gain or loss that was out of the ordinary. I typically fell between 145-160 and did so before BC. Im 5’8” so this has never been a health problem for me. I’m not super active but I have a standing job so I usually take like 20k steps a day, but even when I had an office job (before replacing it) my weight remained the same.
After replacing it in June I shot up from 160 to about 180 and then 185, and recently after having the stomach flu twice in a row I found that I’m almost 200lb despite not being able to eat or drink much for about 2 weeks, and also have a job where I stand again.
I’m aware that my age and metabolism come in to play, but no one in my family is obese, and I’ve never had children, so I’m very confused. I’m open to it being another ovarian tumor but I don’t have any symptoms I had before.
I’m just wondering if I should seek out nutritional help or if just removing it all together would even help at this point.
TIA

I think we can all agree that PC performance has become a real issue with new releases, and the most common reason I hear for this is that devs have to account for a near infinite combination of hardware. Now I know some of this will be BS and used as an excuse since it's an easy thing to blame.
The Deck could allow for some great game optimisation going forward since the devs know that every single device has the exact same hardware. I would love to see games developed with the deck in mind, and I think it's got plenty of time to shine.
We probably havent seen the best it can do at this point, and that makes me excited for its future !

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This man is nearly 30... and he talks with a lisp. (Sowwy me no no mean to make mommy angwy) when I'm in public he will shout that he has to make a poopy woopy. He's a literal 30 year old googoogaga Gerber baby... and when we first started dating I thought he had a sense of fun and I found him cute... then he started acting immature all of a sudden like if I grab the wrong food for him he will hide under his "bwanky" and give sad puppy dog eyes like lmao its creepy. I just ignore it but he literally has mommy issues so he expects me to do all the laundry, clean our kitchen (he leaves his beer cans all over the coffee table and doesn't do his own freaking laundry so guess who does? :/ ) and if we're out eating as soon as I start to criticize him he hides under the table... like a fucking child. I know he has trauma and mommy issues (obviously) but it's gotten worse. He was never like this but I'm do D o n e. I need a man not this idiot! I'm so ashamed. My friends tell me to dump him. But I feel bad cause he says if I leave he'll cry and blame me

That your methods of reciprocation no longer work. That they'll hate you no matter how kind you are to everyone? So what's the point with hiding who you really are? Just accept the risk & reality that people are disgusted by you, no matter how much your actions or evidence proves that you care for others. Why have secrets? Why would you build trust with someone if you learned that they're all going to treat you like garbage in the end. Would you rather be ostracized by a close friend, or a random stranger?
But who cares, it's just people online I'll never meet. So why not go outside & touch grass? All of that wouldn't be so difficult if I didn't suffer from debilitating anxiety, but my social starving brain has forced me to be online. I need social interaction, validation, critique of my artwork to feel happy. It's really depressing that I'm unable to escape this shit, and it's just been my norm through out most of my adult life. I'm not asking random people to be my friend out of pity, just giving you the message that: "Hey, I exist, have a voice to share, and if you're struggling too. You're not alone."

When I was 6 (maybe 7) my family and me went to a party with people I didn't really know. But I was younger and a social butterfly so I was able to become friends with some random kids I had met. That's when I met the A-hole kid (AK) and his brother (B). We had been running around and playing games and were generally being kids so I thought that this would be an awesome party. Then we decided to play foursquare. Me, my sister (who was like 5), and the rest of the kids were all generally having a great time until AK got out and got in line behind me. Because of how many kids were playing the game it was getting boring just waiting so, me being bored, I decided to just swing my leg back and forth. That is literally all I did and no one else had a problem with it accept AK. After a while of me swinging it he tells me to knock it off. I thought about it and, being the dumb kid that I was, decided it would be funny if I swung it 1 more time just for some laughs. Well I did. And this AK goes fucking crazy. After I was done swinging my leg I smiled at him and he tackles me to the ground! I didn't know what to do I was scared so I just started trying to slap him to get him off, but this AK was way bigger than me and much stronger. He starts beating me up and all the kids are just screaming and the older ones are running off to get adults. My sister runs off crying to find my dad. I am just left there with some other kids just trying to get him off me. At this point I was just crying and didn't know what to do so he was just slugging me in my face. Then the B and the others get adults to pull the AK to pull him off me. The B checks on me seeing if I am okay but I'm sobbing to much to get a word out. Unfortunately that wasn't the end of it. The kid somehow got away from the adults and I just barely saw him come around the corner. HE JUMPS ON ME AGAIN. HE JUST STARTS BEATING ME UP AGAIN! This time though the fight was cut short because his brother pulled him off of me. The AK runs off and I am just there crying my eyes out. The adults and other kids try to comfort me but nothing really worked. But even this isn't the end. I'm standing by the door and this AK comes out with his MOM fucking crying. What. The. Fuck. Some how this bastard was able to convince his mom that I BIT HIM IN HIS ANKLE which is why he beat me up. How she fucking believed it I wouldn't know. At this point my sister has found my dad and he come storming around the corner to find me getting yelled at by the Karen of a mother this AK had. My dad yells at me, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING! (My name) are you hurt?! Who hurt you?!" I couldn't mutter a word through all my crying. "WHO THE FUCK HURT YOU?!" He then turns to notice the mother standing there arms crossed. She then proceeds to tell my dad, "Your son injured my AK! He bit his ankle so my son just pushed him. Your son is overreacting." My parents then proceed to get into a screaming match with her until the dad come out. Luckily the dad had a brain and was nothing like his wife. He pulled us both aside, asked for our side of the story, asked the other kids, and yelled at his son. He than had us shake hands and that was the end of it. We ended up leaving after that. The B was really apologetic to me as we were leaving and made sure I was okay before I left. He was a pretty chill dude.
BONUS STORY: I go to another party and at this point I'm pretty sure I was 8 or 9 but that doesn't really matter. What mattered was that there were 10 stacks of Hershey's Chocolates on the table with no parents to look after it. I wanted all of it. Sadly I was not the bravest so I didn't take any. Then I met the B from last time and he saw me. He comes over and apologizes for his brother profusely. I said thank you to him but he could tell I was still scared of his brother. He tries to comfort me by telling me his brother was in the car, which I later learned was a lie, and I got more comfortable. Me and him end up hanging out for a while and talk for a little bit and generally had a good time. Then my family had to leave and me and him had to say goodbye. But before I leave this guy runs over to me and sneakily gives me 1 of the packages of Hershey's that he stole. If that guy is out there. You were the fucking coolest.

I’m a polish citizen living in the uk (I have settled status). I’ve had a mortgage for my house in England for nearly 6 years now. I’m only in my 30s but we know life’s full of surprises and I want to make sure if something happens to me my dad does not have any right to my money or my house or any other assets. However, I’d like a portion of it go to my half siblings (his children with his new wife) who now live with him in Iceland. Is there something I can do to ensure he does not get anything, they do, all this ideally without him knowing? Thanks in advance

I (22F) have been on nexplanon for nearly 6 years now and replaced it around June of last year. When I first started BC I was 171lb but fluctuated back down to maybe 160 (?) After having several ovarian tumors removed and then starting nexplanon the same day. While I was on Nexplanon the first time I didn’t experience weight gain or loss that was out of the ordinary. I typically fell between 145-160 and did so before BC. Im 5’8” so this has never been a health problem for me. I’m not super active but I have a standing job so I usually take like 20k steps a day, but even when I had an office job (before replacing it) my weight remained the same.
After replacing it in June I shot up from 160 to about 180 and then 185, and recently after having the stomach flu twice in a row I found that I’m almost 200lb despite not being able to eat or drink much for about 2 weeks, and also have a job where I stand again.
I’m aware that my age and metabolism come in to play, but no one in my family is obese, and I’ve never had children, so I’m very confused. Especially with the timing of it all being RIGHT after I got it replaced, and it was most likely expiring for the past year or two according to my gyno. I’m open to it being another ovarian tumor but I don’t have any symptoms I had before.
I’m just wondering if I should seek out nutritional help or if just removing it all together would even help at this point.
TIA

I'm running my head in circles daily, and have been for months on what seems to be a midlife crisis.
I graduated 4 years ago with an aas in mechatronics. The job I went into I was very excited about and nervous for the first few years, it pays very well and nice benefits and I can live a pretty comfortable life by myself while taking a few vacations a year when needed. However this past year has been really rough and I have found myself to be very dissatisfied in the maintenance field and I seem to get very frustrated and angry on everyday activities and mechanical or electrical work. I have since then been on a quest to go back to school, I went to school last fall for airline piloting (a childhood dream, or so I thought) and the impression I got from that quarter wasn't very good, it was very academic and it sucked all the fun out of what I thought would be an enjoyable program and idea for the future. So, I took a quarter off to think about it. Well now it's nearing the end of that break and I found that I think I need to force myself through another quarter to see how this program goes since one quarter wasn't enough. The idea of being a pilot was a childhood interest, as well as the fantasies of unlimited travel. At this point I'm not sure if it was the unlimited travel that peaked My interest, or the career. But, what I do know is that I seem to be pretty unhappy with my current job set. I've taken career tests and they actually keep pointing to the airline career which is frustrating. I don't know of any other careers that would be interesting to me and would not result in the same dilemma of my current job. Maybe I am just stressed with a schooling and work balance but at this point I don't know which way to turn, flight school is extremely expensive and I want to make sure I know this is the right thing to do.
If you've experienced anything close to my situation how did you get through it? Or maybe any advice from the aviation folk out there?

I'm running my head in circles daily, and have been for months on what seems to be a midlife crisis.
I graduated 4 years ago with an aas in mechatronics. The job I went into I was very excited about and nervous for the first few years, it pays very well and nice benefits and I can live a pretty comfortable life by myself while taking a few vacations a year when needed. However this past year has been really rough and I have found myself to be very dissatisfied in the maintenance field and I seem to get very frustrated and angry on everyday activities and mechanical or electrical work. I have since then been on a quest to go back to school, I went to school last fall for airline piloting (a childhood dream, or so I thought) and the impression I got from that quarter wasn't very good, it was very academic and it sucked all the fun out of what I thought would be an enjoyable program and idea for the future. So, I took a quarter off to think about it. Well now it's nearing the end of that break and I found that I think I need to force myself through another quarter to see how this program goes since one quarter wasn't enough. The idea of being a pilot was a childhood interest, as well as the fantasies of unlimited travel. At this point I'm not sure if it was the unlimited travel that peaked My interest, or the career. But, what I do know is that I seem to be pretty unhappy with my current job set. I've taken career tests and they actually keep pointing to the airline career which is frustrating. I don't know of any other careers that would be interesting to me and would not result in the same dilemma of my current job. Maybe I am just stressed with a schooling and work balance but at this point I don't know which way to turn, flight school is extremely expensive and I want to make sure I know this is the right thing to do.
If you've experienced anything close to my situation how did you get through it? Or maybe any advice from the aviation folk out there?

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I couldn’t believe that he said it. My own brother, who I’d known for years as a kind, compassionate – and most importantly - accepting person. To my knowledge, he’d never said anything remotely critical of an entire group of people; had never once expressed a belief or even a joking sentiment of hatred or bigotry. And yet, in front of my best friend, he said the word: The one you just don’t fucking say.
Naturally, I tried to intervene. I pushed my brother away, apologizing to Jackson even as I advanced on my monumentally stupid sibling. My brother – Craig – then had the audacity to ask what my problem was, as if he hadn’t just said the word in front of Jackson, who’d never even so much as looked wrongly at Craig.
Behind me, Jackson tried to assure me that it was fine; that I didn’t need to react so strongly; that he was sure my brother hadn’t meant it. But as if he were going for an award in callousness – or perhaps just stupidity – Craig repeated it; this time with face-cringing emphasis on the G-sound.
I punched him – or at least I tried to. He’d anticipated it, moved out of the way just as my fist neared his face. I grazed his chin, and stumbled forward, eventually falling into the rain-filled curb. My brother laughed and danced around me, like a maniacal little imp.
Being my best friend, having always had my back regardless of the circumstance, Jackson stepped up. He shouted for my brother to back off and came to stand between him and me. Craig is twenty-five, two years older than me, but he’s much larger; built like a linebacker, even though he’s never played sports. Jackson is my age, but of a comparable build to my brother. Seeing them lock eyes, I was sure that there’d be a fight; that things would come to blows there in the street; but to my shock, my brother stepped back, and Jackson helped me up.
“You’d probably call your friends and have them jump me, anyway. Not worth it.”
I shouted, “That’s enough!” and told my brother to go home – that I was staying at Jackson’s tonight. I live with Craig in a house a few blocks away, and we’d met up with Jackson earlier in the day to see a classic horror movie at the theater in town.
Seeing as how Craig had had more than a few beers from the theater’s bar, we’d figured it was best if we walked home together. I wanted to believe that he was just drunk, that his unprompted derisive outburst was simply the result of a few too many movie-theater beers; but that word wasn’t something you just said, especially not around someone whose people were the primary targets of its derogatory usage.
Glassy eyed, with that wicked sneer still on his face, Craig glanced at the sky and said, “It’s getting pretty late. Moon’s coming out. Soon your friend here will be practically invisible in the dark. Unless he smiles.”
I was certain that I could actually feel the heat of Jackson’s blood boiling beside me. With clenched fists he told Craig to go home. With my temper already flared beyond reason, I flicked some of the water from my rain-sodden jacket onto Craig’s devilish face. He flinched, but stayed put; his grin even wider, now.
Even I wanted to fight him, but I knew that it’d be a fight I’d lose. So, I begrudgingly turned away and started walking toward Jackson’s house. He followed.
Just as we were about to round the corner to Jackson’s block, Craig called out, “Be careful, bro. You know how they are in their own neighborhoods. Stay inside once you get there.”
And that was it. Jackson stopped, did a 180-degree turn, and started full sprint toward Craig. By this time the moon had come out and was casting a large swathe of its marmoreal brilliance onto the street. Craig had entered the broad scope of light, ready to face Jackson head on. I followed, unsure of who to assist if things got really bad; but knowing that I’d let Jackson at least get a few good hits in before attempting to break them up.
Jackson entered the celestial spotlight and transformed.
His clothes practically exploded from his body, blown away to flimsy shreds as if nothing more than tissue paper. His muscles expanded with supernatural spontaneity; the thickly corded thews and tendons inflating to Herculean proportions, becoming almost sickeningly vascular. Dark sable fur sprouted from the overly taut flesh, blooming atop every exposed surface. The bestial transformation occurred in a matter of seconds, and then he was on Craig; who’d not so much as shifted in surprise.
Jackson howled monstrously as he mauled Craig. I couldn’t see my brother beneath the hulking horror, but I heard his half-crazed laugh. He was amused, or at least pretending to be. This only served to further enrage Jackson, who slashed and clawed at my brother with demonic fervor.
I’d never seen Jackson in such a state, had never witnessed a Lycanthropic transformation. The snarling beast he’d become was terrifying. And the thoughts I’d had of coming to his assistance were dashed upon the rocks of reality as he roared triumphantly to the moon, my brother’s blood glistening on his ultra-canine face.
Craig had stopped laughing and was now insensibly gurgling on his own blood. His eyes – distant and bloodshot – came to meet mine, and I prayed that he was still acting; still taunting Jackson, now with feigned weakness. I’d been pissed at Craig, but I didn’t want him dead.
Thankfully, I was right. With a glottal chuckle and almost imperceptible swiftness, Craig sat up, gripped Jackson by the waist, and suplex’d him onto the sidewalk. There was a horrible crunch of bone, and Jackson let out a loud whine; like a dog struck with an unexpected kick. Craig deftly rolled away and regained his composure – his throat and most of his chest still hanging in bloody ribbons through his tattered shirt.
Dazed but by no means deterred, Jackson reoriented himself and leapt once more. Craig casually stepped aside, and I was suddenly face-to-face with that abominable werebeast.
There was a moment of horrific awe – of grotesque spectacle, and then terror sank my heart like a stone. My brother and I are what most would refer to as vampires. We are far more durable and physically capable than the fittest of humans, but werewolves are even more formidable. And Jackson is an exceptional genetic specimen of his kind.
He towered over me, with intermixed streams of saliva and blood trailing from his wide maw. A savage, supernumerary arrangement of teeth promised a death of untold agonies; and eyes blood-red with feral hatred assured me that that death would not come quickly. I held up my hands, hoping that in his lunar-enhanced state he’d still recognize me; would still show mercy to the one who’d been his friend for nearly two hundred years of standard human time.
He sniffed, examining me with flared, steaming nostrils; and then mercifully turned away. Relief washed away some of the terror that practically incapacitated me; but I was still frozen in place; more petrified than a fatally curious victim of Medusa.
Again, Jackson charged at Craig, only this time my brother met the ferocious challenger head-on. They locked in mid-air and came crashing down onto the street, where they proceeded to engage in the most brutal, blood-letting melee I'd ever seen. Throats were slashed; muscles were torn from limbs; teeth broken and scattered. It was midnight ultra-violence, darkly accompanied by fiendishly inhuman shrieks, screams, and growls. Dogs and other things howled supportively or antagonistically, and a few porch lights flicked on – but no one dared to come out.
Finally, things came to a grisly end when my brother – doubly delimbed and thoroughly eviscerated – kicked Jackson’s jaw clean from his skull, eliminating his most lethal method of attack. Already severely debilitated by my brother’s dexterous use of kicks, and his outright surgical employment of elongated nails, Jackson finally surrendered. He scampered away into the shadows, whining wolfishly. Craig, more than likely as tired as his opponent, nodded in acceptance.
Spurts of steam and bloody mist blew skyward, signaling Jackson’s detransformation. He re-entered the circle of moonlight naked, but otherwise unharmed – his wounds having healed in the process. Craig’s regeneration would be much slower, but none of his still-bleeding wounds were fatal – at least not to a vampire. They’d both sustained injuries that would’ve killed a human three times over.
In a moment of battle-induced sobriety, Craig extended his hand. Jackson accepted the peace offering and they shook as gentlemen.
Craig, regaining a mischievous glint in his eye, then said: “I'm sorry for calling you a mongrel. I know I shouldn’t use that word, but I’d never fought a werewolf before, and really wanted to –after the movie we’d just watched. I figured you’d be my best opportunity, and knew that the only way to make you really go hard would be to say the M word.”
Jackson laughed, the hoarse tiredness of his voice making him sound a little too close to his other self for my liking. He told Craig that it was fine, that the fight was fun. But that going forward, he’d only need to ask – wouldn’t have to throw slurs around.
Craig responded, “sounds good, haha.” and then they both turned to me, as if I’d have something to add to their newfound brotherhood. I just said that I was tired, and joked about how I’d probably need a new change of underwear, after what I’d seen.
Together, we headed to Jackson’s house and – for the fun of it – re-installed Bloodborne.

To be honest, I don’t have anything to complain. I have everything that I need and want. I have a privilege life and I’m aware of it. When I was a teenager I believe I have suffered from serve depression and many assumed it was probably just my hormones. This included the parents and doctor but there were support for me and….I denied myself. Made horrible mistakes, ruined many beautiful friendships and overall, I was a horrible, dreadful, broken person. I’m no longer a teenager anymore, starting my adulthood and I have to admit it’s fucking scary. Once you are an adult, you are expected to have your shit together. Know better. Be better. Oh, I’m sorry guys. I’m just typing away. The truth is, despite all the good things in my life. I don’t want it. I didn’t ask to be born, you did not ask to be born but we are here. Doing what we have to do. Doing what we can do. I like my life, I have hobbies and I do feel happy sometimes.
And I am slowly improving. Slowly, taking steps by steps. I’m not doing a good job but I’m still here, still doing it. I will get support too. But to be honest, not to you, not to the world but being honest to me. I don’t want to get better. I’m not improving myself because I want to, I’m improving myself because I have to. Fall into despair, get up, keep going, fall back down, lift yourself up, keep on going and going and going and going and going until you’ll die.
I don’t want to be here. I have no intention of killing myself. No way, but I definitely don’t want to live either. I just simply wish to not exist. I will improve. I am. I will get better and I will live until I die. I know that. I will watch my parents die. My doggo. My previous boi.
I like my life. I just don’t wanna be in it and I fully agree with antinatalism which I did not know that was a thing.
And I want to apologise. I just want to apologise for feeling this way, for having such a good life that many people would wish to have, I’m sorry for always running away, I’m sorry for being dramatic, I’m sorry for all of you suffering, I’m sorry for not wanting to exist. I am sorry for not being grateful. If there is a button that could ease my existence. I would not hesitate to press it. I know what to do, it’s something we all have to do. Keep on going until we die. And there’s no way I’m having babies. This ends with me and I’m glad I have that choice.

So a little back story. I have adopted a female Labrador exactly 5 months ago now. She's just turned 1. When I adopted her the woman at the shelter told me that she would be a great fit for me,she is well trained in the house and has good manners.
The first two weeks of owning her was amazing. She was so sweet and calm, didn't potty in the house. Didn't jump or anything. Then the 3rd week it just went downhill.
Every morning I woke up she would bite my feet. It started just with that. I got a trainer in because it got to the point that I couldn't get out of bed without her biting at me.
The trained told me to use kiddle and scatter it across the floor before waking up. this escalated to her biting me during the day and she would look at me expecting a treat and if I wouldn't give her one she would continue to bite me. I decided to stop doing this. I did different things like leaving the room, saying no, ignoring it, not giving it attention, somebody told me that before she comes to bite her to pet her, that didn't work, I would put a toy in her mouth.
Anyhow fast forward to today, she still keeps biting me. Ive been teaching her leave it and she got good at it with treats and toys so when she bites me i do that too and she does leave my arm alone for a few seconds but then continues to bite.
If I am playing fetch with her everything goes well and randomly she goes to bite my arm. Same thing with tug of war. I stop the play time but I have to do this near a door so I can actually close myself from her.
Even when I take her potty sometimes she jumps at me and starts to bite at me when I try to put her leash on.
She also bites for attention like in the morning time I'll be getting ready and she will bite on my leg or arm.
Her bites are not hard but it still hurts I always wear long sleeves when I am with her. I am scared this will escalate and she will hurt me or somebody else really badly.
I feel so stressed out. she's a very smart dog she has learned so much since I got her and I know she can be a sweet dog but I just feel like she's constantly frustrated or something and she takes it out on me through biting. I don't know what to do anymore..