How to fix frizzy synthetic wig
A new Emerging Blockchain AKA Q Blockchain. Might be annoying but lovely to go through.
2023.03.22 11:15 ShivangTanwar A new Emerging Blockchain AKA Q Blockchain. Might be annoying but lovely to go through.
Hi Guys, myself Shivang new to this community as well as reddit. It's not promotion btw, haha.
Well I have heard a lot about Q Blockchain and have ran node too in JAN which is going to run incentive till March end. Just want to introduce it out here and wanna know what are the community thought here. Well, it's an independent blockchain-based on Ethereum technology. Basing the Q blockchain on ethereum allows Q to benefit from Ethereum’s existing ecosystem. Crazy Right!
Most lovely and attracting part to me is that it's developers friendly so is going to help a lot to people like me. It's been my 3 months of testing and I barely noticed any downtime or congestion. According to current data the average block time is maintained at 5 seconds which is literally much faster than a root chain like ETH. Found a lots of security measures like the synthetic assets are really backed by some underlying asset in real-time, low tx fees with fast tx, all assets would be fully integrated and literal holding rewards as well.
This is literally not enough to explain how Q diversifies into different usage and needs. Check more about Q on their website,
https://q.org/. Catch you guys later. Don't forget to drop down your thoughts about Q.
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2023.03.22 11:15 Revolutionary-Act368 The client asked for a logo for her streetwear brand with a vintage style logo that includes a street cat, egyptian wings, a pyramid and sunrays. i designed this but it feels so off. feels more like a cheap police owned hotel. any recommendations on how to fix it?
2023.03.22 11:15 zetunuteas2113 Currently on 100mg a day (30mg in the morning, 30 at noon and 40mg before bed). Zero THC. Just started 3 days ago, for insomnia and anxiety. I have few questions?
Just to preface, I came here a couple of weeks ago and received wonderful advice, so thank you to those who answered my questions and provided advice, it was all very helpful.
I was prescribed 100 mg a day, orally. I’m 33 , no serious health issues, 80kg , just anxiety and insomnia. I only started CBD three days ago and have as of yet seen no improvements. But my therapist is , quite often, suggesting I try CBD OIL with THC (I’m not sure of the ratio, but she said given my history she wants to start me off at the lowest dose -for anyone interested I’ve never tried any kind of pot , but I was tricked by an acquaintance into smoking Spice or synthetic cannabis and had a really bad time. I only found out recently that it wasn’t pot I was given but after that experience nearly 15 years ago I never touched pot thinking that’s the experience I would have on it). She really thinks I’m going to benefit, at least by taking the thc cbd compound at night before bed, and the daytime doses would be THC free cbd oil.
I’m curious, if you out there take a similar course to what I’m taking currently/ the thc free cbd / has it helped you with your anxiety and or insomnia? If you’re taking cbd with thc just at night and thc free cbd during the day, how has that impacted your conditions? Do you enjoy taking the thc cbd compound or do you barely feel anything?
Sorry for the length but I want to give you as much information as possible and be as clear as possible.
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2023.03.22 11:15 Crazyforsunset I am an introvert with a RBF
Heyyy people,
Iam an introverted girl with a resting bitch face. When people meet me at first they’re really intimated by me and think that I am arrogant just because I am very quite and have a rbf. When I was at school boys who were triple the size of me were scared and intimidated by me.
How the hell can I fix my resting bitch face I don’t want people to think that I am a bitch.
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Crazyforsunset to
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2023.03.22 11:13 depressedAlienn does anyone know how to fix this ? its always happen after a game
2023.03.22 11:13 ShivangTanwar How about Q Blockchain?
Hi Guys, myself Shivang new to this community as well as reddit. It's not promotion btw, haha.
Well I have heard a lot about Q Blockchain and have ran node too in JAN which is going to run incentive till March end. Just want to introduce it out here and wanna know what are the community thought here. Well, it's an independent blockchain-based on Ethereum technology. Basing the Q blockchain on ethereum allows Q to benefit from Ethereum’s existing ecosystem. Crazy Right!
Most lovely and attracting part to me is that it's developers friendly so is going to help a lot to people like me. It's been my 3 months of testing and I barely noticed any downtime or congestion. According to current data the average block time is maintained at 5 seconds which is literally much faster than a root chain like ETH. Found a lots of security measures like the synthetic assets are really backed by some underlying asset in real-time, low tx fees with fast tx, all assets would be fully integrated and literal holding rewards as well.
This is literally not enough to explain how Q diversifies into different usage and needs. Check more about Q on their website,
https://q.org/. Catch you guys later. Don't forget to drop down your thoughts about Q.
submitted by
ShivangTanwar to
CryptoIndia [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:09 CloudHostedGarbage Azure Backup Server (DPM) Crashes when removing a missing storage pool/volume (disk no longer exists) - Fix
Hey all, just a quick one in case anyone comes across this bug.
If you try to remove a missing Storage Pool from DPM (management console or shell), msdpm and the PowerShell window you're using (if applicable) will crash. Missing Storage Pool means a disk that was previously added to MABS but has since been (unexpectedly) removed from the machine.
Did a bit of digging after we fixed this and it looks like DPM has a bug where it tries to remove the pool reference but because the disk doesn't exist, it doesn't know how to handle it:
Excerpt from
C:\Program Files\Microsoft Azure Backup Server\DPM\DPM\Temp\MSDPMCurr.errlog.YYYY-MM-DD_hh-mm-ss.Crash :
08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:42.318 11 StorageManager.cs(351) NORMAL ==>RemoveStorage(StorageId: 44147c56-3cba-42d1-a560-a3ebd0f4d68e StorageType: ReFSVolume) 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.226 11 StorageManager.cs(351) NORMAL <--RemoveStorage 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING Caught unhandled exception : System.NullReferenceException: Object reference not set to an instance of an object. 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.Prm.Alerts.ComplexAlert.get_objectID() 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.Prm.Alerts.AlertUtils.DeleteStorageAlerts(SqlContext ctx, Guid storageId) 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.PRMCatalog.PrmCatalog.DeleteAlertsOnStorage(Guid storageId) 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.StorageManager.StorageManager.RemoveStorage(Guid storageId, StorageType storageType) 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.Engine.CStorageManagerServices.RemoveStorage(_GUID storageId, Int32 storageType) 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(121) WARNING at Microsoft.Internal.EnterpriseStorage.Dls.Engine.CCoreServices.RemoveStorage(CCoreServices\ , _GUID storageId, Int32 storageType, tagSAFEARRAY** exceptionResult)*
08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(149) WARNING Attempting to write error to the event log Object reference not set to an instance of an object. 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.671 02 EventManager.cs(143) NORMAL Logging event to NT log from DpmThreadPool.cs(163): FatalServiceError 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.686 68 DpmThreadPool.cs(170) WARNING Attempting to invoke Watson 08F8 1844 03/22 09:43:50.686 09 everettexception.cpp(762) CRITICAL Exception Message = Object reference not set to an instance of an object. of type System.NullReferenceException, process will terminate after generating d\mp*
MSDPM Event 999 (Error) will be shown in Event Viewer, and some associated information will be contained in nearby Information events from Windows Error Reporting with ID 1001. This associated information will contain the path to the log file in question (that's how I found the above).
The solution is to remove the disk from the database directly. Firstly hop into SSMS and take a backup of the DPMDB database (right-click -> Tasks -> Back Up).
Then start a New Query on the DPMDB database and enter the following:
select * from tbl_STM_Volume;
This will list the volumes attached to DPM. Once you've identified the missing volume, copy the StorageId value and enter the following statement, substituting the values for your environment (use the FQDN of your MABS server!):
delete from tbl_STM_Volume where StorageId = '' and server = '';
Run this query, then go into the MABS administrator console and Rescan storage. You should no longer see the troubled disk.
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CloudHostedGarbage to
AZURE [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:09 quecola Less creative after starting birth control?
Hi,
Has anyone here who previously had a very active imagination find/suspect that birth control has stifled it?
I'm majoring in writing at uni, and I'm currently on Implanon (since June) and Estelle-35 (since Janurary). I had no severe side effects with Implanon, just a slight decrease in libido, but I was having periods every two weeks, so I was put on the pill to try to fix that.
The pill has been awful (depression, mood swings, weight gain, didn't even help my acne like I've heard it does how rude) but I find that I'm struggling much more with just generating any creative ideas this semester, and finding it harder to build upon the ideas I have had. It's really frustrating as most of the work I do have to do this semester is creative, so being less efficient and lacklustre in this area has been really detrimental.
Has any other creatives here experienced a similar thing or is this just a me thing (I hope it's not just a me thing.)
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2023.03.22 11:08 _DemonHide_ How to fix this from coming back?
2023.03.22 11:06 JungleBoyReddit Weird thing happened -- early trust issues with new partner
New partner, a few months, is starting to leave clothes at my place. We'll call her B. Other partner, C, has been around for six years, also leave clothes at my place.
Somehow a pin (more like a thumbtack) got into the sleeve of C's jacket, which hadnt been touched in months. B denies it up and down and is now mad at me for even suggesting it might have been hers.
B is the only other person who's been in my room (I have a roommate who has a private bedroom and bathroom and doesn't have any reason to go in my room). I was scared this was like...a territory dispute or something. Seemed cartoonish, but like you never truly know what people are thinking. A close friend had a partner terrorize them in a similar way and so I got scared and asked.
B and I are taking a break, talking Thursday. Her feelings are mixed up and it feels like a big deal to her. But so does ensuring the safety of C in my place? Am I missing red flags? Does this situation smell funny? If it doesn't, how the hell do I fix it?
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JungleBoyReddit to
polyamory [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:06 m2mfanatic My (F20) long-distance partner (M21) completely made a 180, and I'm so confused.
My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been in an LDR for over a year now (we met online). Things were great, he's a great guy and we got along really well. We would hang out together almost every day and he particularly would always want to call me and we'd even have calls that lasted days at a time, which we both loved. Things were going great, despite some arguments, we were always able to resolve them. He isn't the best at communicating and tends to shut down, but we somehow eventually would make up and make it through.
In January of this year, he flew across the world (USA to Malaysia) just to see me, so we lived together for a month. I could go on about the trip forever but in the simplest possible way I could say it is that it was AMAZING. I thought I loved him before, but this month I really fell deeply in love with him. It was an amazing month, we did everything together. He was and is just the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever known. We had so much fun and even emotional moments together, and he took care of me so well when I needed him (I've not been doing so well, such as my father whom I'm very close to passing away recently and personal health issues), and he never failed to do anything in his power to take care of me. When he left, my heart was completely smashed, not only because him leaving hurt so bad, but because of what happened after..
Well, as soon as he landed back in the US, we started our calls again and it was weird, but we just wanted to be together. It was great for the first three days of calling, but then it fell off a cliff. On the third day, he suddenly would start getting so angry with me and freak out over several little things. He would start yelling at me, and I would be in tears, begging him to calm down and just talk to me normally, id even tell him that I love him, and he would just shut me up by going to sleep or ending the call, or worse yet, he'd just keep yelling in my face. He would show little to no affection or love for me, and constantly say that he needed space from me, that he was "tired" of me. He never wanted to talk about it. It even got to the extent of him saying things like he doesn't see me in his future anymore, he doesn't care if I cry and he doesn't know if he loves me anymore.
A few days lated after a big fight, he snapped out of it suddenly and started crying, saying that he just misses me and needs to be with me in person, saying that he's been lashing out because of that. After that incident, things got back a little closer to normal, but these moments of him lashing out at me would still somehow come up frequently over the course of the next month. One day things would be so terrible, he even "broke up" with me for like a minute, but we eventually made up and tried again, but eventually his effort would fade away, and then it would suddenly come back after a week. As you can see, things just go back and forth.
I want to touch on the issue of him needing space a little more. I definitely understand that everyone needs some space from time to time, especially someone as introverted as himself, so I respect that. However, I don't understand his way of handling it. We have overnight calls sometimes (12 hour time difference) where he would stay on call with me while i sleep through the night, so it's day time for him. He's quite a loner and i'm the only person he talks to, and during this time, he hadn't returned to work yet so he was just relaxing at home all day watching TV or gaming. Also, he does these calls willing fully, I usually don't ask him to stay. I have severe anxiety and depression issues especially recently since my dad passed away and have trouble staying asleep, like I would sleep around 11 and wake up at 4-5, then go back to sleep after a few minutes or at most, an hour or so. Sometimes I would wake up with bad anxiety. In the past year, whenever this happens, he's more than happy to spend some time with me until I fall back asleep. He would even say that he was hoping I'd wake up so that he could be with me for even a little while. Recently however, when I wake up and call his name on the call, he would get really angry with me, sometimes even raise his voice at me and end the call, causing my anxiety to skyrocket. He says it's because im disturbing his "alone time" and he needed space, where he would usually be gaming on Roblox or watching TV. Another thing is that he used to tell me to call him whenever I needed him, that he was only a call away and always there for me (I always said, and still say the same to him). However recently, he just tells me not to call him out of the blue anymore if i needed him.
Anyway, I'll get back to that as it all ties together. So about two weeks ago, we had a huge fight and I finally had some strength, and I threatened to leave him if this kept going on because it was really too much, I almost feel like he was mentally abusing me at that point. I became severely depressed and my anxiety has been awful because of all of this. I would try to fix it every day, wanna talk about it or just do something, but he would either just say "i dont wanna talk about it", end the call or say stuff like he doesn't think this is working out anymore bc it's too tiring. Whenever I wanna try to fix it or talk about it, he would say that I'm "so negative" for wanting to always talk about it. After me telling him that and just ignoring him for a while when he was still trying to manipulate me, when he cooled off and actually could talk to me normally, we started talking and hanging out again, and for the first time in a while, I'm seeing him actually start to put in effort again to fix things. He started trying to control his anger (not all the time but he tried sometimes), and he tried to just start treating me better in general and being there for me. However, as much as I wanna cling on to the fact that it wasnt as bad as before, I cant deny that it's really not like how it was anymore. He says all the sweet things I wanna hear now, he still wants to hang out with me, he's putting in that effort, but then even recently, there are still moments he says really heartbreaking things to me, like when he gets upset with me these days, he yells at me a little, says he wishes he could go back in time and fall in love with me again, that he doesn't care much anymore, etc. He used to apologize a lot, but recently not as much too. Then when he cools off and we try to move on, things just don't sit right. It's like he's on edge and I'm just waiting for him to snap again. He still wants a lot of alone time from me which i'm respecting and letting him have the time he needs, but i'm also having a hard time understanding why he needs so much all of a sudden when he was never like this (he needs to go like 8 hours a day at least without talking to me or else he gets really upset).
His sex drive is also barely there anymore. We used to "do it" almost every day, but now he never wants to. He also told me that he watched porn a few days ago to get off (he said it didn't help turn him on anyway) but he was so against it the past year of us dating and claimed to have never done that (of course idk if that's the truth), but it just feels weird to me. I talked to him about that and he comforted me a little, saying that it was just a one time thing. I wouldn't care if months ago he told me that he watches porn, but I just find the timing a little weird since he decides to try it now when we're going through this huge bump in our relationship.
The most heartbreaking thing is that all of this happened right after our month together, where I fell so hard for him, so deeply in love and I can't even describe how I felt about him, how special it was, and I don't know what suddenly happened when he left. This past week has been a little better, he's really trying to control his anger (not 100% effective but he's trying, he's still yelled at me once or twice), trying to talk to me more, wanting to call me more, says he loves me and thanks me for everything frequently, tells me that he's there if i still need anything, says that he's working so hard to see me again at the end of the year, etc.. Im happy things are getting better, but I also am so traumatized by everything and cant stop thinking about it all day, and i'm being strong and getting better each day, but it's still hard. I feel heartbroken by everything, and even though things have been better with him, I can't talk too much about this with him because #1 he doesn't have answers that he's willing to share (i've tried), and #2 he gets angry when i bring it up. My anxiety disorder and attachment to him aren't a good combo and aren't helping me with this either.
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2023.03.22 11:05 Trick_Algae5810 NGINX added latency when downloading image?
Nginx is adding this weird latency when serving images.
I have a png image that is 1.45MB big, and the initial download speed is 121ms in my browser (100Mbps, as expected) when I use a CDN like Fastly.
When I serve the image myself from NGINX proxy cache (HIT) it initially has a 200ms download speed, then if I hit refresh a bunch of times, it’ll eventually download it at 121ms. If I stop refreshing for more than a second, the image goes back to serving itself at 200ms.
Any ideas on how to fix this? It’s on a server at oracle cloud with 8Gbps networking
I’ll try azure later today and see if it’s just a quirk with oracle networking. This is very weird behavior, and I’ve tuned everything I can and absolutely nothing has changed. It’s driving me crazy. Oddly enough, varnish behaved the same way.
(The server itself is 24ms away from me and has a full 8Gbps networking)
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2023.03.22 11:04 jerry20105 Monitor not equally distributing force when opening
Post is the title. When opening the monitor, there seems to be much more force from the bottom left corner. I’ll add that the monitors tabs are also broken from the one sided force. I’ve temporarily taped them back together though. I’ve only had this for a few months. Never treated it harshly so why is the build quality so bunk? Any idea on how to fix this?
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Lenovo [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:04 tbzHonest Processing "SERVERNAME" Error: Resource response was not set
Hello there
I currently face a problem with the Error message in the Title.
I have a Backup Job with 50+ VMs in it. Everything works fine except 4 VMs who always fail with said error message. I couldn't find anything online on how to fix that issue. Does anyone have experience with this or an idea on how to fix it?
Thanks in advance.
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tbzHonest to
Veeam [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:03 throowaway12121212 My abusive mom died, she didn’t try to fix things before she died instead she left me one final f*** you.
My abusive mom died. How? Well she refused all cancer treatment and drank herself to death. I found out now that a year and half ago she broke her arm never got fixed, all her teeth fell out and still she drank herself to death literally. Until she died she abused nurses who came to try to help her and refused all care.
Where’s my dad in this? Well he is also dying of cancer right now and is terminal. Lung and throat cancer. He didn’t smoke my mom did. He did chose to get help but it didn’t matter. He’s terminal. He left it too long to be treated they said. He left it so long to the point he couldn’t swallow to the end the drinking was all he cared about too.
The final f*** you to hurt me was that she knew she was also end of life terminal. Did she want to fix things with me ? No. She said goodbye to the family that would still speak to her. She called my brother who lives across the country and who was also NC for 10 years with my parents to leave everything to him in the will. Which hurts not because it’s about money I don’t care about the money. It’s the fact her own mother my grandma did the same to her and that hurt my mom deeply. It’s the final dig she could do to hurt me one last time.
My brother was always the golden child. So he ran wrote out the Will himself without a lawyer didn’t even do power of attorney just the money part he didn’t even come to see me (I haven’t seen him in 4 years ) . That has me all sorts of messed up.
When I asked my brother did mom or dad speak of me ? He said no. She knew she was dying and still didn’t care to fix the years of trauma or to say goodbye. But she did with my brother. She said goodbye .
I didn’t even know she was dying. I didn’t realize my dad was either. My brother didn’t tell me about this visit or either of them were dying neither did my extended family. He didn’t even tell me my mom died until a day after . They all said to me after they were sorry to not tell me? My brother told me I cant be mad he didn’t tell me because he did the best he could and he’s said sorry once what else do I want from him. He can’t take it back. That he loves me.
My dads in the hospital now. I asked my extended family should I go say goodbye for myself; should I make peace does my dad want to see me? I’m being met with no not right now. I’ll just upset him. I called the hospital and they told me he’s alert and cognitively okay he’s laughing and joking with nurses and doctors and FaceTiming family. You know who my dad wanted to say goodbye to? His dog. No joke the brought the dog in to the hospital.
I guess the point of me writing this is that I’m in a stage of unbelievable grief . I can’t understand how my mother could have hated me this much. I tried everything to get both of my parents help. I was my moms therpaist my moms nurse caretaker her everything since I was little. No matter what I did it was never enough: never enough money to give her never enough of anything. I was blamed by my own grandma for how much my mom drank. When I was 15 I was hospitalized for serious self harm problem caused by abuse. Only to be told the abuse was my fault. I feel my dad must feel this was too.
How I could cry so much over a women who used to throw knives at me to tell me to go kill myself and cut myself as a child is confusing.
Is there anyone else that has gone through this? Who has had a NC abusive mom die and go through this?
I had a complete mental breakdown. My doctor has me on Ativan right now temporarily to even function and I’ve spoken to crisis have a crisis therpaist appoinment next week. Which helps but not as much as knowing there’s someone out there who has been through this understand.
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throowaway12121212 to
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2023.03.22 11:01 Inxentas Fall of Plaguestone for 2 or 3 players
I want to run the Fall of Plaguestone story, but my group is a bit smaller. It's going to be 2 or 3 players. This isn't an issue when you design your own encounters, but off course those in Adventures are fixed.
How would you adapt these?
- The CRB offers some options to weaken / strengthen enemies. Would these balance things out?
- Or would it be wiser to remove a few enemies to get to the indicated rating (Challenging, Severe) for fewer players?
- Or perhaps I could run them through an opening adventure first, so they start FOPS at second level?
I'm unsure which option is the best. Do you guys have any thoughts on this?
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Inxentas to
Pathfinder2e [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 10:59 happy_musician Terminating lessons with a 10 year old student
I wonder if any of you have ever just refunded the rest of the month’s lessons and sent an email to a parent explaining that it’s not working out with their child. I have been teaching for over 30 years and have taught hundreds of students, yet perhaps have only had to actually do this one other time that I can remember. The particular student is just a spoiled and disrespectful kid, and starts throwing a little tantrum as I explain things to her. Exclaiming “I don’t understand anything “ and whining. I have been so patient and I calmly tell her, it’s ok, this is where we will begin again etc… but the lesson is such a huge drain on me. I am very flexible and understanding, probably patient to my own detriment, but this one basically tells me where she will play in her pieces, and when I say let’s try the left hand, she rudely says in a Whiney voice “no I want to play the right.” (It’s this kind of attitude I just can’t bear) along with her tantrums and outbursts, it’s too much. I may add that this is a student that takes online lessons and her mother is actually in the house nearby as I am teaching, and basically allows her daughter to act like this. I did not even address the behaviour and how I felt to the mother, I don’t want to try to “fix” the child’s attitude. I just refunded with a letter saying I’m not the right teacher for her daughter, and perhaps she needs a different teacher who can respond to her needs. I have been teaching her for about 5 months and I’ve had it. I get anxiety before the lesson with her , that’s how much it takes all of my patience. I feel very badly inside about kicking a kid out of my lessons, but I just have no more patience with students that would tell me how to teach them. Has this ever happened to any of you?
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happy_musician to
pianoteachers [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 10:57 trowaways6969 Site I'm on gets hung in debugger when I open developer tools
If there is a better sub to post this let me know
When i try to open developer tools (firefox) it switches to the debug tab and then gets hung up for like 20 mins. From what I've read this is intentional and a way to prevent me from trying to use dev tools.
In debugger, it looks like a tab "source17" is the problem as it is what opens when everything gets un-hung. The code in it is:
function anonymous(
) {
debugger
}
Even when I use the keyboard shortcut for the console specifically, it opens and then immediately switches to the debugger and gets hung. The easiest fix in my opinion would be to just disable the debugger in firefox but can't seem to figure out how. I'm assuming somewhere else is triggering the tab to open but haven't found anything, but I also don't really know what I should be looking for. I've tried ignoring the debug line like others have said but it doesn't work. Anyone have any thoughts? I don't know that much when it comes to all of the web-based stuff.
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trowaways6969 to
learnprogramming [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 10:56 m2mfanatic I don't know why this happened.
My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been in an LDR for over a year now (we met online). Things were great, he's a great guy and we got along really well. We would hang out together almost every day and he particularly would always want to call me and we'd even have calls that lasted days at a time, which we both loved. Things were going great, despite some arguments, we were always able to resolve them. He isn't the best at communicating and tends to shut down, but we somehow eventually would make up and make it through.
In January of this year, he flew across the world (USA to Malaysia) just to see me, so we lived together for a month. I could go on about the trip forever but in the simplest possible way I could say it is that it was AMAZING. I thought I loved him before, but this month I really fell deeply in love with him. It was an amazing month, we did everything together. He was and is just the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever known. We had so much fun and even emotional moments together, and he took care of me so well when I needed him (I've not been doing so well, such as my father whom I'm very close to passing away recently and personal health issues), and he never failed to do anything in his power to take care of me. When he left, my heart was completely smashed, not only because him leaving hurt so bad, but because of what happened after..
Well, as soon as he landed back in the US, we started our calls again and it was weird, but we just wanted to be together. It was great for the first three days of calling, but then it fell off a cliff. On the third day, he suddenly would start getting so angry with me and freak out over several little things. He would start yelling at me, and I would be in tears, begging him to calm down and just talk to me normally, id even tell him that I love him, and he would just shut me up by going to sleep or ending the call, or worse yet, he'd just keep yelling in my face. He would show little to no affection or love for me, and constantly say that he needed space from me, that he was "tired" of me. He never wanted to talk about it. It even got to the extent of him saying things like he doesn't see me in his future anymore, he doesn't care if I cry and he doesn't know if he loves me anymore.
A few days lated after a big fight, he snapped out of it suddenly and started crying, saying that he just misses me and needs to be with me in person, saying that he's been lashing out because of that. After that incident, things got back a little closer to normal, but these moments of him lashing out at me would still somehow come up frequently over the course of the next month. One day things would be so terrible, he even "broke up" with me for like a minute, but we eventually made up and tried again, but eventually his effort would fade away, and then it would suddenly come back after a week. As you can see, things just go back and forth.
I want to touch on the issue of him needing space a little more. I definitely understand that everyone needs some space from time to time, especially someone as introverted as himself, so I respect that. However, I don't understand his way of handling it. We have overnight calls sometimes (12 hour time difference) where he would stay on call with me while i sleep through the night, so it's day time for him. He's quite a loner and i'm the only person he talks to, and during this time, he hadn't returned to work yet so he was just relaxing at home all day watching TV or gaming. Also, he does these calls willing fully, I usually don't ask him to stay. I have severe anxiety and depression issues especially recently since my dad passed away and have trouble staying asleep, like I would sleep around 11 and wake up at 4-5, then go back to sleep after a few minutes or at most, an hour or so. Sometimes I would wake up with bad anxiety. In the past year, whenever this happens, he's more than happy to spend some time with me until I fall back asleep. He would even say that he was hoping I'd wake up so that he could be with me for even a little while. Recently however, when I wake up and call his name on the call, he would get really angry with me, sometimes even raise his voice at me and end the call, causing my anxiety to skyrocket. He says it's because im disturbing his "alone time" and he needed space, where he would usually be gaming on Roblox or watching TV. Another thing is that he used to tell me to call him whenever I needed him, that he was only a call away and always there for me (I always said, and still say the same to him). However recently, he just tells me not to call him out of the blue anymore if i needed him.
Anyway, I'll get back to that as it all ties together. So about two weeks ago, we had a huge fight and I finally had some strength, and I threatened to leave him if this kept going on because it was really too much, I almost feel like he was mentally abusing me at that point. I became severely depressed and my anxiety has been awful because of all of this. I would try to fix it every day, wanna talk about it or just do something, but he would either just say "i dont wanna talk about it", end the call or say stuff like he doesn't think this is working out anymore bc it's too tiring. Whenever I wanna try to fix it or talk about it, he would say that I'm "so negative" for wanting to always talk about it. After me telling him that and just ignoring him for a while when he was still trying to manipulate me, when he cooled off and actually could talk to me normally, we started talking and hanging out again, and for the first time in a while, I'm seeing him actually start to put in effort again to fix things. He started trying to control his anger (not all the time but he tried sometimes), and he tried to just start treating me better in general and being there for me. However, as much as I wanna cling on to the fact that it wasnt as bad as before, I cant deny that it's really not like how it was anymore. He says all the sweet things I wanna hear now, he still wants to hang out with me, he's putting in that effort, but then even recently, there are still moments he says really heartbreaking things to me, like when he gets upset with me these days, he yells at me a little, says he wishes he could go back in time and fall in love with me again, that he doesn't care much anymore, etc. He used to apologize a lot, but recently not as much too. Then when he cools off and we try to move on, things just don't sit right. It's like he's on edge and I'm just waiting for him to snap again. He still wants a lot of alone time from me which i'm respecting and letting him have the time he needs, but i'm also having a hard time understanding why he needs so much all of a sudden when he was never like this (he needs to go like 8 hours a day at least without talking to me or else he gets really upset).
His sex drive is also barely there anymore. We used to "do it" almost every day, but now he never wants to. He also told me that he watched porn a few days ago to get off (he said it didn't help turn him on anyway) but he was so against it the past year of us dating and claimed to have never done that (of course idk if that's the truth), but it just feels weird to me. I talked to him about that and he comforted me a little, saying that it was just a one time thing, but still find the timing a little weird since he decides to try it now when we're going through this huge bump in our relationship.
The most heartbreaking thing is that all of this happened right after our month together, where I fell so hard for him, so deeply in love and I can't even describe how I felt about him, how special it was, and I don't know what suddenly happened when he left. This past week has been a little better, he's really trying to control his anger (not 100% effective but he's trying, he's still yelled at me once or twice), trying to talk to me more, wanting to call me more, says he loves me and thanks me for everything frequently, tells me that he's there if i still need anything, says that he's working so hard to see me again at the end of the year, etc.. Im happy things are getting better, but I also am so traumatized by everything and cant stop thinking about it all day, and i'm being strong and getting better each day, but it's still hard. I feel heartbroken by everything, and even though things have been better with him, I can't talk too much about this with him because #1 he doesn't have answers that he's willing to share (i've tried), and #2 he gets angry when i bring it up. My anxiety disorder and attachment to him aren't a good combo and aren't helping me with this either.
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