Race Information

• Name: 2023 NYC Half
• Date: March 19, 2023
• Distance: 13.1
• Location: New York, NY
• Time: 2:24:14

Goals

Goal	Description	Completed?
A	Sub 2:30	Yes
B	Sub 2:15	No

Splits

Mile	Time
1	12:02
2	10:26
3	10:49
4	10:03
5	10:49
6	10:57
7	10:34
8	10:41
9	11:16
10	10:14
11	10:41
12	8:56
13	10:07

Training

I had my heart set on this race being my first half after watching the full marathon year after year. Miraculously, I applied for the lottery and got in! Around Christmas I started using Hal Higdon's Novice 2 program, which looked pretty manageable. But as the weeks went on and the race got closer, I started incorporating some of Nike's Half Marathon training too. I liked that the higher mileage long runs were about a month out from the race vs. Hal's which capped at 10 miles the week before the race. I got a Peloton tread in the fall too, and found a bunch of great race prep classes on there (specifically loved Robin's NYC Marathon Simulation run!)
We had an unseasonably warm winter here in Virginia, so training wasn't as brutal as I thought originally. It felt like it took weeks to finally get up to double digits, but I finally peaked at 10.6 miles 2 weeks before the race and then slowly started to taper with shorter 3-5 mile runs the weeks leading up to it.
Overall, I was just excited and pumped to get the race done as I had been mentally working up to it for months!

Pre-race

We got to NYC on Thursday with the race on Sunday, and it was awesome to see so many other runners throughout the city over the days leading up to the race. I knew the weather was going to be cold, so I stocked up on hot hands and bought a pair of gloves at the Nike store too.
While I had avoided any nerves up until this point, the night before it started to set in. I laid all my stuff out on Saturday evening and enjoyed a FABULOUS chicken parmesan dinner the night before. Definitely tossed and turned before finally falling asleep after midnight, but woke up on Sunday AM ready to go.
As I mentioned, I'm in Virginia where winters can be snowy and cold or — like this year — unseasonably warm. But when I stepped out of the hotel room on Sunday AM, I knew it was going to be brutal. The "feels like" temp was in the teens, and once I stepped off the subway in Brooklyn the wind was roaring. Even with extra throw-away layers, hot hands, gloves, etc., the wind was cutting right through anything.
However, dealing with the cold somehow distracted me from any nerves about the actual race and the sheer amount of people running this race. I was in Wave 4 and it took about 30 minutes just to get through security. I was glad I gave myself plenty of time to get to the starting line. Luckily, portapotty lines were short and the availability of them in and out of the corral was nice too.
Before I knew it, we were crowded in the corral. Someone next to me said, "The actual race can't be as bad as standing here in this cold." And she was right. This was the worst part of the whole day.

Race

The gun went off and we started through the park. The first mile my feet felt like absolute bricks, and the first mile was much narrower than the rest of the race, leaving everyone crowded in until the turn around mile 2. After all the weeks of training, I felt a bit disassociated — I was in NYC! Running my first half marathon! SHIT it's cold!
I stopped at mile 2 for my one quick bathroom break of the race, and then once I hit mile 3 in Brooklyn, I started to see the crowds. Even in teen temperatures, people were out cheering and yelling. It was incredible. I felt myself tear up at this point (and several others throughout the race) as we all ran together. It was amazing.
Around mile 4 I had my first gel and saw the Manhattan Bridge up ahead. Going over the bridge was such a surreal experience. In my opinion, people over-exaggerated the incline on the bridge, but maybe I'm just more used to running hills in my neck of the woods. At one point, I paused the music as we went over the Manhattan Bridge and it was just the silence of footsteps as people took in the view. It was the coolest part of the course, IMO.
Off the bridge and into Manhattan and the crowds were epic. I knew FDR was coming up and thought, "oh okay this is a nice flat area where I can just focus on running." However, this was for sure the worst part of the race. You're pretty much running on the highway, with cars coming the other direction. It's an incredibly long stretch. The sun is in your face. It was just the worst part of the whole thing.
Finally, mile 9, we were back on the streets. I was so happy to get off that highway. I knew my family was stationed in Times Square at mile 11, and had some extra gas in the tank to get to them. My hamstrings were definitely feeling tight around here, but just kept going. Running through a closed-off Times Square is a bucket-list experience for any runner. Really surreal and awesome.
The end was near and we entered Central Park! I swear the last 800M felt like another 2 miles. But crossed the finish line and looked at my official time: 30 seconds shorter than the 2:25 pace band I had been following. YESSSS.
(My Strava splits are a bit wonky with the GPS/city buildings but I clocked negative splits throughout the race according to the official NYRR dashboard!)

Post-race

Met up with my family and got some brunch around the corner. Took a warm shower and two days later, feeling slightly sore but ultimately so happy. I know for many runners, the cold got them — and rightfully so! It was brutal, especially if you're not used to cold weather running like that. But ultimately, I thought the race was incredibly well-organized, the course was epic and I'm already starting to think about the next one.
This group was really helpful and insightful for me as a new runner and first-time half marathoner, so just wanted to repay with my own insight from the race!
Made with a new race report generator created by herumph.

https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/march-20-2023
As rumors swirl about what may be an upcoming indictment against former president Donald Trump from Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg, Republican Party leaders are in a bit of a pickle.
For years now, they have gone along with—and some have fed—Trump’s insistence that the government is stacked against him and therefore against the right wing. Some have gone along out of conviction, undoubtedly, but others almost certainly were trying to keep the base voters without whom the Republicans cannot win an election.
Now, as it appears that some of the legal cases in which Trump is embroiled might be coming to the point of indictments, they are in a difficult position. Trump is blowing up his social media website with increasingly unhinged accusations and demanding that his supporters “take our nation back.” His language echoes that of the weeks before the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol, during which Trump supporters tried to overturn the results of a presidential election. And few Republican leaders actually want to launch a war against the Manhattan district attorney's office.
So far, at least, Trump’s demands for his supporters to rally around him again have produced anemic results, suggesting his power is waning. When senior reporter for HuffPost Christopher Mathias reported from outside the Manhattan DA’s office, he found that the media there far outnumbered the protesters. “So many reporters here I just saw a reporter start interviewing someone but they turned out to be a reporter too,” he tweeted.
As a number of people have pointed out, Trump rallied his supporters in late 2020 around the idea that a key election had been stolen. His supporters are likely to find the idea that he must be protected over financial crimes committed in New York, possibly related to a sexual encounter with an adult film actress, less compelling.
And then there is the issue that those who turned out to support him in January 2021 found themselves on the hook for crimes, all on their own, without his help. Just today, a jury found four more people affiliated with the Oath Keepers guilty of conspiring to obstruct an official proceeding, conspiracy to prevent an official from doing their duty, destruction of government property, and civil disorder. The jury found two others guilty of entering and remaining on restricted grounds. Meanwhile, Trump spent the day “truthing” on social media.
So, if Trump’s influence is waning and he is perhaps facing indictments—remember, there are a number of investigations outstanding, and for all that Trump is talking about an indictment about his hush-money payment, we do not know what any of them will turn up—what direction should Republicans who signed on with Trump now jump?
Rachael Bade, Eugene Daniels, and Ryan Lizza of Politico reported this morning that House leadership has gathered for their annual three-day retreat at a luxury resort in Orlando, Florida. Led by House Judiciary Committee chair Jim Jordan (R-OH), far-right representatives were preparing to demand that members of the Manhattan district attorney’s office testify about any such indictment. Indeed, this afternoon, the chairs of three House committees—Jordan, House Oversight Committee chair James Comer (R-KY), and House Administration Committee chair Bryan Steil (R-WI)—sent a letter to Bragg criticizing his investigation as an “unprecedented abuse of prosecutorial authority,” even though there has been no announcement of any charges.
The chairs claim they want to know if federal money was used in the investigation, but Representative Daniel Goldman (D-NY) noted: “Defending Trump is not a legitimate legislative purpose for Congress to investigate a state district attorney. Congress has no jurisdiction to investigate the Manhattan DA, which receives no federal funding nor has any other federal nexus.”
Representative Glenn Ivey (D-MD), a former state’s attorney for Prince George’s County, went further, saying that he was “stunned” that the House Republicans were trying to obstruct a criminal investigation and intimidate an elected state law enforcement official.
House speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) says the chairs are just “asking questions.” He appears to be trying to prevent an attack on the legal system while also keeping his far-right extremists happy. He says that people should not protest if Trump is arrested, but also seems to be trying to keep his claim on Trump voters by claiming that Bragg’s investigation is politically motivated.
Florida governor Ron DeSantis has his own problems with the whole situation. He wants Trump’s voters but does not want to be saddled with a scenario in which Trump tries to hole up at Mar-a-Lago to resist an indictment in New York. Today, DeSantis said he would not get involved in an extradition order, although Florida law allows him to intervene in a contested extradition.
His lack of support for the former president apparently outraged Trump, who promptly accused DeSantis of sexually assaulting a teenaged boy. The tension between the two Republican leaders has prompted speculation that Trump will fight extradition if only to force DeSantis to choose between alienating Trump’s supporters or kowtowing to the former president. Either would wound his presidential hopes, perhaps fatally.
Other Republicans are trying to deflect attention from the former president’s potentially criminal behavior and to focus instead on what they say is overreach by prosecutors. But when former vice president Mike Pence this weekend said he was “taken aback at the idea of indicting a former president of the United States,” former Republican National Committee chair Michael Steele tweeted "Why the hell are you 'taken aback by the idea of indicting a former President' who has engaged in criminal behavior? Why continue to make excuses for Trump who would rather see you hanged & rancid behavior you decry in others?"
Other Republicans have apparently decided to stay out of this whole mess. It is notable that Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell’s (R-KY) voice is missing right now, as he recovers from his fall.
Meanwhile, the Fox News Corporation’s troubles over the defamation lawsuit against it by Dominion Voting Systems have just gotten worse. Fox News producer Abby Grossberg has sued the company in New York and Delaware, saying company lawyers tried to coerce her into giving misleading testimony in the lawsuit to set up her and FNC personality Maria Bartiromo to take the blame for the airing of Trump’s conspiracy theories against Dominion.
Regardless of how that lawsuit proceeds, Grossberg’s quite graphic account of the misogyny at the network will not help its profile right now.
And what is most astonishing about all of today’s sordid news is that, so far, nothing has happened. If and when it does, it’s going to be quite a ride.
What did happen today, though, is that the Biden administration issued the president’s economic report—which I will cover in more depth in the next few days—and that American aid worker Jeff Woodke, who was taken prisoner more than six years ago in Niger and held captive by a terrorist group, has been released. Secretary of State Blinken told reporters, “As you know, I have no higher priority or focus than bringing home any unjustly detained American, wherever that is in the world.” He thanked the government of Niger, Special Envoy for Hostage Affairs Roger Carstens, and “all of those who have been working at the department” to get Woodke released.
—
Notes:
https://www.politico.com/newsletters/playbook/2023/03/20/scoop-house-gop-targets-manhattan-da-00087811
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/20/business/media/fox-news-abby-grossberg.html
📷Christopher Mathias @letsgomathiasSo many reporters here I just saw a reporter start interviewing someone but they turned out to be a reporter too10:10 PM ∙ Mar 20, 20231,508Likes236Retweets
https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/20/politics/oath-keepers-proud-boys/index.html
📷Daniel Goldman @danielsgoldmanDefending Trump is not a legitimate legislative purpose for Congress to investigate a state district attorney. Congress has no jurisdiction to investigate the Manhattan DA, which receives no federal funding nor has any other federal nexus. 📷Laurence Tribe @tribelawHouse Republicans are gathered at a luxury resort near Disney World where House Judiciary Chair JIM JORDAN (R-Ohio) & senior GOP leaders are preparing to demand testimony from members of Manhattan DA’s Office amid reports of an imminent Trump indictment. https://t.co/syVwH4H1Fm1:49 PM ∙ Mar 20, 202311,030Likes3,286Retweets
https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/20/politics/house-republicans-letter-manhattan-district-attorney/index.html
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/mccarthy-says-americans-not-protest-trump-indicted-rcna75679
📷Rep. Glenn Ivey @RepGlennIveyI was stunned to read this letter that could obstruct a criminal investigation and intimidate an elected state law enforcement official. The Chairman of @JudiciaryGOP appears to be demanding that @ManhattanDA violate NY grand jury secrecy laws. 📷Rep. Jim Jordan @Jim_JordanWas the Manhattan DA’s office in communication with DOJ about their investigation of President Trump? Was the Manhattan DA’s office using federal funds to investigate President Trump? Alvin Bragg owes our committee answers. https://t.co/G6mL4Jfiiq8:41 PM ∙ Mar 20, 20233,800Likes1,427Retweets
Trump’s accusations are on his Truth Social account. I’m not going to link them here.
https://www.politico.com/news/2023/03/20/desantis-wont-involved-trump-indictment-extradition-00087851
https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/20/politics/jeffery-woodke-freed-nigeindex.html
https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2023/03/20/statement-from-president-joe-biden-on-the-release-of-american-jeff-woodke/
https://www.newsweek.com/former-republican-chair-blasts-trumps-defenders-indictment-looms-1788777

Hi!
A g-g-g-uncle of mine emigrated from Finland to Brooklyn, NY in 1888. Frans Mikael Kallio (Kallo in one American record) was born in Kustavi, near Turku, on 26 August 1869. In the records I've found so far, he went by the name Michael Kallio in the US.
From FamilySearch I've found him in a Naturalization Index (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:QVTW-S8TK) from 1902 as well as a mentioned friend for another immigrating relative (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:QGGC-SG2H). The last record I've found of him is a passport application from 1905, which claims that he was in fact married (https://www.familysearch.org/ark:/61903/1:1:QVJG-12QN).
That's all I've been able to dig up on him so far. I've mainly been using FamilySearch, since I don't have an Ancestry subscription, or any other subscriptions when it comes to American genealogy sites. If anyone has any sort of tips, knowledge or opinions on the subject those would be greatly appreciated!

The vast majority of emo bands when coming to NY only come to Albany / Rochester / MAYBE, if lucky, Long Island.
There are obviously plenty of venues here, and I find it really hard to believe these 500-1000 people shows couldn’t sell that many tickets in the biggest city in America.
Insane to see multiple locations in buttfuck NC & Idaho and not one in NYC.
For context, tours that happened recently with no NYC show off the top of my head (there are so, so many more):

1. Free throw
2. Thursday
3. TWY (would just go for hot mulligan but yah. Flew to LA for this one).

We get the occasional Joyce Manor which is nice. SDRE too. But no smaller bands come here.
Maybe it’s time to quit my job and open a venue open to these guys.

Commentary: Life’s Narrative Pays Homage to Thoreau
link to original publication
As I enter my 70s, I realize that in some deeply immersive sense I was captured by Henry David Thoreau.
When I read “Walden” for the first time as a high school student, I understood that Thoreau’s idealizing of isolation in nature was the perfect solution to my incredibly rudimentary social skills, particularly with girls. If I lived in a cabin by myself, I wouldn’t have to socialize much at all.
Fortunately, in college, I developed skills in dealing with women and that led me to a number of rewarding relationships, though spending time in the natural world remained a pervasive and passionate escape.
Thoreau writes in his chapter titled “Solitude”: “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was as companionable as solitude.”
For the next 20 years I spent as much time as possible in the outdoors, exploring especially the National Parks in the United States and Canada. However, my dream of an isolated cabin never left.
When I finished my doctoral work at 35 and took an assistant professor’s position at Radford University, I now felt financially comfortable to begin my search for land where I could really begin my Thoreauvian quest.
I drove all over Montgomery, Giles, Floyd, Craig and Pulaski, exploring dozens of potential sites, and after years of searching I finally settled on 140 acres in Reese Hollow. I lived in a teepee for parts of an entire year and that convinced me that a cabin would be the perfect next step.
I hired Richard, a carpenter friend, and working as his assistant, in two months my 16-by-20-foot cabin was complete, without running water and with a self-dug outhouse. For most people such a dwelling would have been a nightmare but for me it was living the American Dream.
For the next eight years, I spent most mornings out hiking the Pedlar Hills or fishing the North Fork of the Roanoke River. So many wildflowers came under my inspection, including coltsfoot, spring beauty, bloodroot and wood anemone. Poplars, boxwoods, sugar maples, red and white oaks and many more filled my property. Wood thrushes, scarlet tanagers and white-eyed vireos, among others, sang to me.
Perhaps the most important thing I did was something I think Thoreau would have heartily approved. I put 135 of my 140 acres in a Forever Wild conservation easement. The process was a struggle until a botanist found the federally endangered smooth coneflower on the property.
Toward the end of my stay, I married and my wife and I contracted to have a log home built near the cabin. After a half-dozen years my wife left, but I stayed in the hollow for another seven years, vowing to live there at least till 70. That goal was interrupted by kidney lupus, and at 65 I found myself living in an apartment in Blacksburg. I was still in touch with nature, kayaking the New, hiking the Cascades, following the spring flush of flowers in Wildwood Park, fishing Big Walker, but all traces of my Thoreauvian adventure were gone.
Ben Okri, a Nigerian storyteller, writes: “If we change the stories we live by, quite possibly we change our lives.” I was so lucky to have found my story so early with no need to change anything about it.
Justin Askins is a professor emeritus who taught in the English department at Radford University. He lives in Blacksburg.

I am 33F, no medications, no medical conditions, no known allergies, 5'3", 155 pounds, nonsmoking, no drugs, i do drink. I have a rash or bites along my arms, armpits, and wrap around my shouldeback area. I stayed one night at a cabin near Yosemite, Ca and the next morning started noticing small red bumps. Its been 2 days and they're still there. They don't itch and arent irritating. I have no other symptoms at all. I just started a new job so I dont have health insurance until next month. I'm not sure if I should be concerned or just let it go away. Also for reference, my partner who stayed with me hasnt noticed any bumps at all. I have photos but I'm not sure how to post them (sorry not great at Reddit)

Apologies in advance for formatting, doing this on a phone.
ORM
3.9gpa pre-med major w/ minor in medical humanities (basically philosophy)
513 mcat
1 really good non-science LOR, 2 decent science LORs
500+ research hours on OA (couple posters, 1 manuscript yet to be published)
300+ clinical hours at surgical center for many ortho surgeons and couple other specialists (optho, ent)
100 shadowing hours among neuro, path, FM.
200+ non Clin volunteering (food bank, habitat for humanity, providing aid for people with chronic illnesses)
100+ hours as an Orgo TA
Overall I feel like there’s nothing really special about my app, although I did go through a traumatic(ish) experience nearly needing wrist surgery, which exposed me to ortho and got me interested in medicine in general.
Thoughts on a school list? I’m in the northeast.
Current list: Jefferson, Case Western, Albany, Einstein, Cooper, EVMS, Hackensack Meridian, George Washington, Geisinger, VCU, U of MD

Greetings all you helpful and wonderful people of this sub!
I am seeking advice before I engage contractors and handymen for quotes on a multi-faceted project involving water seepage into my basement. The work itself, like my new favorite concrete handy-guy (Mike Hadduck) says in a fantastic Northern East Coast accent, it's "no big deal". Now, although am kinda handy around the house (I can work with wood, drywall, minor plumbing & electrical, network cabling, etc. and have tools), I've never worked with concrete and I'm a bit stumped and feeling slightly intimidated (even after Mike's videos).
Needless to say, I don't own any concrete tools at the moment (although I've been looking to pick some up on FB marketplace).
There are three (3) separate issues I have with this house built in the 1920s on a "rubble foundation" in Westchester, NY. See here for all the pics (click to enlarge). 1st pic is the side of the house that has all the problems.

1. water seepage from the base of the storm door
2. water seepage from vertical cracks in the foundation under the old deck (previous owners enclosed it and it's now part of the house and the dining room proper) next to the storm door
3. water seepage down the to base of basement stairs outside of the kitchen wall where there is a solid roof drain, but it seems to be failing somehow (maybe just too much water in that area)

COMMUNITY **: should I hire a handyman or jump in to a DIY?**
Would actually like to consider both options!
If hiring a handyman or contractor, what questions would you ask to vet them regarding:
- Foundation Cracks - Drainage Issue
If DIY, what's the plan of attack? What materials (exactly) would you recommend for each issue? Type of concrete for each spot? Drainage solution by the kitchen? How would you do it? I've watched a bunch of drainage-related videos, especially by French Drain Man, but I can't seem to decide on the best way to run a french drain out of that area, back-hoe rental, etc.
Thanks so much in advance, I know this is a detailed post!

I apologize for the length, but I feel like there are a lot of relevant details that need to be present for this to make sense. If there’s anything that’s unclear, I will do my best to answer questions. I’m trying to only include details that I can back up with material proof.
​
I (36M) met my ex in September of 2021. For this story, I am going to call her Sarah (37F), that is not her name. We met a local bar that has a sort of gothic horror theme. I’ve been sober by choice nearly two years now, but still like to go there for the people and the atmosphere. They serve soda and tea so there’s things I can get while I’m there. I was a late bloomer romantically and she was my first real relationship, even though I was 35 at the time. Our relationship turned sexual very quickly, although I consented to everything and never felt like one of us was taking advantage of the other, though she has much more experience than I do. We had discussed not wanting to have kids, and we had experimented with various types of birth control, including hormone pills, nuva ring, and condoms. I looked into getting a vasectomy, but my insurance wouldn’t cover it.
​
Before I met her, she had been overweight, and continued to be insecure about her weight, even though I always found her very attractive and reminded her of that all the time. This caused some issues, mostly notably her refusing to eat in front of me if I wasn't eating as well (a meal, not a snack) so I would sometime force myself to eat when not hungry which caused me some problems. She got gastric bypass surgery in May of 2022. I took her to and from the hospital for her surgery and the pre- and post-surgery care. I also took care of her dogs and her cat that time, driving back and forth between her place and mine (about 20 miles) several times – I loved her cat particularly, but took good care of all the animals and didn’t begrudge her a second of it.
​
Sarah has a best friend named Liz (38F, not her real name). They were former coworkers, and have been close for all the time since, ten or more years. The first time Sarah took me to meet Liz at Liz’s house, Liz’s dog Ruby immediately made a beeline for me, sat at my feet and stared up at me with the most loving look anyone had ever seen her make. I was also able to bring her cat Odin in when he ran outside in the rain. I wasn’t trying to showboat, I just like cats and don’t like them being in danger.
​
Less than a week after her surgery, I had a nasty bicycle accident and ended up in the emergency room myself. I was unconscious for several hours, and she and her dad came by and brought me food and things to do while I was under observation and recovering. The emergency response and hospital staff thought I had had a seizure and was in the ICU for a short time. I broke both of my thumbs, my right wrist, and my left shoulder, as well as bruised several ribs, had a concussion (and an accompanying headache for several days), and suffered some road burn and various more superficial injuries. I fortunately have a really high pain tolerance, and normal Tylenol was enough to dull the pain enough to sleep, which is really all I wanted to do while I was in the hospital. The staff offered me stronger painkillers but I refused, because I didn’t need it, and because my brother is a drug addict and addition runs in my family. She was pretty open about her previous addiction to painkillers, which was another reason for me not wanting to take any. She tried to force the issue, but I said I only wanted Tylenol and melatonin for sleep.
​
After I got out of the hospital, I had to use an arm sling for weeks because my shoulder needed to heal. For reasons I am not really clear on, I didn’t get a cast, but I made the best of it. I am a musician and play banjo and mandolin in two bands, so I hated having a broken shoulder (my main banjo weighs probably 15 or 20 pounds and it was way too heavy to comfortably hold for months after the accident). I think she really liked playing nursemaid to me, and me kind of being dependent on her. Because the neurologist thought I had had a seizure, she unofficially banned me from driving. It was around then that I found out Sarah hadn’t been paying her car insurance and her car was going to be taken off the road for a few months until the back insurance and a penalty it was paid. I let Sarah use my car for the time being. We took turns buying gas for it, even though she was using it most of the time. I should have kept better track of mileage; I know that now. It’s important to note that she didn’t have a job this whole time we were dating, which did strike me as odd, since her rent was approximately three times what I pay for an apartment of comparable size (to be fair, hers is much nicer and is from a rental company, where I rent from a single owner. I honestly don’t know where her money came from, and she would get very angry if I asked about it. Yes, I know this is a huge red flag, and I really have no excuse for not pressing the issue.
​
I work from home and had meal delivery and a grocery store walking distance from my apartment, so while I wasn’t doing too much around then, I was able to care for myself, and get rides from friends, or grab and uber when needed. I was focused on working and recovering, any by the beginning of July, I was able to do everything as normal, aside from fine motor skills with my thumbs. I was really focused on healing and getting better, and was getting a lot of what felt like condescending attention about the accident and my shoulder being broken, and around then Sarah started needing to use a cane. She said that she was having a hard time balancing, and had fallen on her face twice – there was no physical sign of injury, and these always happened when there was no one around to prove this. But she started using it everywhere, and I provided physical and metaphorical support for her there.
​
For Christmas 2021, Sarah’s mom got her a guitar. We had spent some time looking for a guitar for her, as the larger ones that I had were too big for her. It was a really nice guitar for a first guitar, a carbon fiber travel guitar that was light and well balanced. I gave her a few lessons, but when I broke my shoulder, I was unable to play for a while, and she decided to sell the guitar. I was against it, because it was nice, and it was a thoughtful gift, but she was set on it. When I was unable to find someone to buy it, we took it to guitar center, and they bought it for just under $600. Any amount over $500 from GC is dispensed in the form of a pre-paid debit card, but Sarah needed cash, so I bought the card for her in cash and registered it to my name so I could use it. I planned to use it exclusively for my phone bill, figuring that having one less bill to worry about would pay for the money I had given to Sarah after a few months.
​
After a few checkups from my accident, I took a seizure test which involved me staying in a hospital room for nearly a week, with 25 or so leads attached to my head and heart. To her credit, Sarah took care of my cats while I was there, and came to visit me every day for lunch or dinner. This exam was not cheap, and insurance paid for almost none of it, so I am actually still paying for it. I got out at the beginning of July and it was determined that I do not have a seizure disorder. I gave Sarah the debit card to buy food and litter for my cats, as well as to pay for her parking while she was visiting me. She gave it back to me when I got out of the hospital.
​
I got out of the test at the beginning of July and things were starting to get a little better. Intimacy had largely fallen away because of my physical trauma and misbalances within the relationship, but we actually had sex twice in July, on the fourth before a party and on the twentieth, before I went to band practice. Around this time, Sarah was unable to pay her internet/cable bill and her internet was disconnected. This sort of thing had been becoming a problem, as I was paying for most things, including some of her bills, but she was still buying junk like enamel pins and toys. I called her out on it once and it became a huge fight, so I didn’t do it again.
​
On the twenty-fifth of July, I woke up and realized that I was passing a kidney stone. This happens to me on occasion, but when I talked to Sarah about it, she said that she gets them too, and that it was a “good thing we’re not having kids,” to which I agreed. I have never wanted kids. Later that night, I went to pay my phone bill and found that the card had an insufficient balance. I went to the website that allowed tracking on the card and saw that the balance was less than $5, but it should have been about $450. I called Sarah and asked about it and she said that her mother must have used the card somehow. She went to bed, and I continued to investigate the issue. I saw that there were several orders to etsy and amazon, and contacted their support, and while Etsy couldn’t help me, when I gave amazon Sarah’s name, address, and email, they provided me with the list of orders, which was mostly toys for children, like two Tamagotchis and a Fox and the Hound Disney plush. This came on the tail of me giving her $150 for a dress for Liz's wedding, spending $100 on insulin for her cat, and her using my main debit card (with my knowledge) at a pin auction, though she spent about $200 more than I was expecting and it got my card cancelled and replaced.
​
The next morning, I called Sarah and said I knew that she emptied the card. She didn’t deny it, but her first question was “are you breaking up with me for this” and while I hadn’t thought about that before, I said ‘yes.’ She still had my car then, so she had to bring it back to me and I drove her home, and she tried the whole time to get me to not break up with her.
​
A week and a half later, she called me and told me that she was pregnant. She had already taken several tests and had made a plan to get an ultrasound done. Even though she had previously been as opposed to having kids as I was, said that she would be keeping the child. She had an ultrasound scheduled, and I went to it. The tech said it was less than six weeks along, seeing as there was basically an egg sack and no heartbeat yet.
​
There was another ultrasound scheduled, and while Sarah gave me the time, I was late and missed it. I saw her outside the clinic, and Liz was there with her. We talked for a few minutes and then I went back to work. I honestly don’t remember much about that encounter. That night, Sarah called me and we had about an hour conversation on the phone, and she explicitly asked me to get back together, and I said no. That was the last time we talked, except for her congratulating me on my first year or sobriety and me wishing her a happy birthday a few weeks later. I know that this won't paint me in the best light, but I honestly thought that she had lost the baby, otherwise she would have talked to me.
​
In October, a friend of mine from an old job, I’ll call her Jenny (33F, not her real name), reached out to me and said that one of her old dealers had called her and the caller ID came up as Sarah’s name. They had the same prepaid carrier, and the names come through within that system automatically. Jenny has had addiction issues, and used to buy drugs from this guy who apparently goes by a very silly street tag; I’ll call him Hamster (?M), even though that’s definitely an improvement over the real one. Apparently Hamster is a very hands on dealer and is a fan of the barter system; he is happy to take gifts for his kids, or payment in sex in lieu of money. While I can’t prove that they slept together, Jenny said I should go get tested, so I did, and everything came back clean. Jenny said that she hasn't really been in touch with Hamster since he got out of jail in May, but when she asked him about Sarah, he said he didn’t know her, but his face and voice indicated that he did.
​
Last week, someone sent me screenshots of a diatribe that Liz wrote in a facebook group about how I am a scumbag that abandoned Sarah and broke up with her for getting pregnant. Somehow Sarah managed to convince her friends of this despite us being broken up for at least a week or two before she found out. She is still pregnant, about to give birth, and that reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I do not want kids; the idea of raising a child makes me want to faint while barfing. But I also don’t think that Sarah is ready or able to care for a child. I don’t know what to do. Jenny is a moderator for the group and while it is a violation of group rules to send screenshots or tell the subjects of these discussions what was said about them, asked me for proof and confirmation of everything, and I provided it. Liz denies any of this, and says I broke up with Sarah only because she was pregnant. I didn’t find out for nearly two weeks after. I think that one of two things happened here; either she was sleeping with someone else (Sarah and I did not have sex at all from mid April to the beginning of July) and got pregnant and wanted me to believe it was mine; or she knew I would find out she was stealing and tried to get pregnant to get me to stay. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t trust Sarah at all, and I can’t trust her with a child, but I am not prepared to raise one either.
​
TL,DR: I broke up with my girlfriend for stealing and lying; she is apparently about to give birth and I am at a loss as to what to do.

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LGR!

I'm Matt. White, 36, 6'4, fit, clean, and tested. Short brown curly hair with hazel eyes.
Educated suit and tie professional. Like everybody else here, have a massive breeding kink. Would love to find somebody local or within a reasonable distance; you know ~3 hours or less (unless you want to travel from farther to me).

I'm Matt. White, 36, 6'4, fit, clean, and tested. Short brown curly hair with hazel eyes.
Educated suit and tie professional. Like everybody else here, have a massive breeding kink. Would love to find somebody local or within a reasonable distance; you know ~3 hours or less (unless you want to travel from farther to me).

This is not my typical therapy avenue, so I am hoping that this will be the shimmer I need. I have known my now husband for over 20 years. We were in middle school, high school, and even alternative school together. He was my best friend growing up. I would go to his house every day to wake him up and he would complain and gripe while making us food as we planned our adventures for the day. We would drive up to the lakes and swim at a friends cabin, we would go check out the tunnels in the falls near by, or we would just lay out in his yard listening to Jamaican music and cooking more food in the newly refinished kitchen (Totally MTV cribs kitchen btw). I was completely in love with this boy and he had no idea and didn't (or so I thought) have those thoughts for me. Fast forward to 2010, we finally came clean to one another about feelings one evening when he completely ruined a date I was on and was obnoxiously drunk and needed a ride home since everyone he was with had left and he chose to stay and continue to ruin my date. I said I would give him a ride home. Home to my apartment that is. Toss in some baggage and some more messy stuff and we now have come to 2016. We now have two boys and I have two children from a previous marriage. He is always saying he is going to marry me some day and that day comes four more years down the line. Since that day, to me anyway, it has been nothing but a battle to keep the marriage afloat. No more surprises, dates, few random moments of affection, and no effort. He had some issues with his career choice and together we decided that he would stop working and remain a stay at home father and I would be the primary income for the home. In the time he would be at home he would also go to school for something that he found interesting and could benefit the family we were building. Now when I think of a stay home parent, I think of tasks such as clothes washed and put out for school, school activity planning, confrences, dinner, clean up, play time, doctors visits, grocery shopping, etc. The duties that are HOUSEHOLD duties. Now before you start screaming, hear my side. I only say these are the tasks because I travel anywhere from one to three hours each way to and from work every day and work 10.5 hour days. So I am putting in a 14-17 hour day and when I get home I dont even get enough time to sleep 8 hour before I start my next day. I help out in every way I can. I will order groceries to be delivered when I am on my way to work or before I go to sleep, I do laundry, I clean, I take care of every single bill and balance our credit, I make sure gifts are purchase, kids birthdays are planned, family coming into town is accomodated, ptc are scheduled, grades are monitored, doctors appointments are scheduled, cars are registered, you name it I do that too along with work. Now add in the four children that crave my attention because I hardly see them with work! For the past two years I have been battling with anger due to the lack of work on his part. The tasks he is supposed to be doing, hes not. Simply put. dishes sit for days, clothes dont get washed, phone calls are not made, kids are eating ramen or baked meals daily, and school is backburnered to his hobbies. I am so frustrated. I love this man but the effort is null and the affection that once was there has to me just turned into resentment. There is so much arguing and fighting. If i bring any of it up to him he says its an attack on him and starts immediately asking what my part is and why im not taking any blame. Then comes the silence and him waiting for MY apology. I have told him im not happy and asked him to work on things with me and he finds it humerous becuase he just doesnt read books. .I have read so many books, so many audibles, tests, quizzes, all of it. John Gottman, Gottman institue, Brene Brown, etc. He refuses to participate. So a few days ago after having multiple conversations about discussing purchases before indulging, it was decided he would wait to buy something that he didnt need for a while. He has several of the same thing and it was just an indulgence. I at the same time had just had to get a new but used car in a pinch for work because our other vehicle could not make it to my job anymore. I wanted to get the new car detailed because of the gross stuff in the most used areas of the car, and I figured I should be able to do this since I spend half of my life in this car. We were agreed on these two things. No purchase but car detailed. While I was at work the following day I get a message from him that simply says, I bought said thing. I was so frustrated. I tried to cancel the item and felt like he did it on purpose. Well the day before our second anniversary this came out. We woke up late and I was agitated at myself for being late to drop off my car. He asked why I was yelling at him and I was taken aback and let him know it was not meant to be directed at him i was frustrated with me. His attitude didnt change. He was screaming and slamming things. We finally made it outside of our house and he was going to follow me to the cleaning shop to drop off my car and bring me home. When I left and got about two miles away, I didnt see him. I looked on our doorbell camera and he was still at home. He went back inside and was not picking me up. That says to me he was going to leave me stranded. I whipped my car around and went home. I asked him why his is so angry all the time and what his problem is lately and he said I think its you. I was furious. I told him to get out. This was not the first time this exchange was made by either of us. Well he did pack up his stuff and he drove all the way to Florida where his mother lives. He never called only texted and he didnt text me anything for 912 miles. We have children at home on spring break and I have work. He left me with every responsiblity and just left across the country and says I caused this and I am to blame. I have been begging him to take me on one date for two years. He was supposed to take me on a date the day he left. He left to florida the day before our second wedding anniversary and left his ring on the coffee pot. Now he wants me to believe I caused him to leave to florida and I should feel at fault and accept it. Any feed back would be so appreciated. I can answer any questions also. Am I wrong for not feeling like this is my doing and I caused this? Please also keep in mind that I in this moment feel abandoned and overwhelmed with responsibilities all at once. And I am emotionally destroyed because of the amount of hope I had with the upcoming date proving to be the start of more to come and getting to know and love eachother again. I did file divorce papers a few months before this and that is still in process and this date could help. He didnt do anything for me for my birthday, mothers day, valentines day, you name it. Help.