Lane cedar chest value
Because two options aren't enough for everyone
2009.06.30 09:40 ulfada Because two options aren't enough for everyone
For folks who don't fit the gender binary or are interested in questioning it. Please feel free to join us and discuss!
2023.03.22 11:25 AluOwt Exorcist - Part II
21.03.2023
approx. 17:00
I have to reiterate that Exorcist is a single-player open-world or open-city dark RPG in a modern urban setting. The city has day/night cycles as well as weather cycles. Even though, the game is generally dark and at times gothic, there are many regions and locations that emit a serene or even a comedic quality. This is deliberate and required so as to not burn-out the player with constant dark, dreary, horrifying or disgusting environments. Certain companions offer comedic relief and even serve as a potential love-interest or an evolved personal enemy.
I envision the player to enter the world of the Exorcist once a day for a couple of hours and each sitting provides unique and ample incentive to continue playing as well as a surprising closure for that day's episode.
As such, cinematic cut-scenes are best provided via orchestra.
As the name suggests, the game is intermittently horrifying, intermittently interspersed with growing dread, intermittently relaxing with a comedic relief that caters to the Exorcist's penchant for dry humour and full or nonchalant bravery.
Character Profile of the Exorcist:
Name : ?
Age : 33 - 44
Sex: ?
Build: Athletic/Average.
Education: Some college degree.
Social habits: Loner, dislikes attention, prefers one-on-one interactions, soft-spoken, reasonably benevolent, avoids gatherings, divorced or never married, small circle of friends, proficient at non-verbal cues, emotionally perceptive, dry humor, neutral tone of voice(but resonant) with inclination towards functionally-relevant concise vocabulary, capable of masking own personality, blunt speech for avoidance, prefers dark or monotone dull colors,
Psychological profile: INFJ.
Companions: Dog or Cat. Occasional flings.
Sexuality: Straight or Bisexual.
Habits: Occasional drinker and regular smoker.
Past medical history: Asthmatic, takes medications for psychosis, chicken pox at 12.
Past mental traumas: Death of mother, divorce, string of job failures, eye-witness to a murder.
Current occupation: One of the following:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy
Finance:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate: stable average income. 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist: unstable income. 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy: stable above average income.
Combat Proficiency: none.
Mental Aptitude:
1. MHI - Above average IQ 2. FPMY - Very intelligent 3. RDO - average IQ
Miscellaneous skills:
1. Proficient in a musical instrument. 2. Adept at graphology or sketching. 3. Skilled at cooking or gardening.
Story-driven skills regardless of occupation:
1. True sight 2. Haphazard clairvoyant 3. Canine or feline affinity
Psychological weaknesses:
1. Either rage or despair(pessimist) 2. Either impatience or passivity 3. Either assertive or meek
Hierarchy & Modus Operandi of daemonic factions:
- Techno-Inferni: Gathers, indoctrinates all Know-Int workers, subverts science to support pre-existing hierarchy. Brain of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Know-Int daemon.
- The Brotherhood: The muscle-man of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Kar-Domini daemon.
- The Alderbarani: Wide range of businesses ranging from small-proprietorships to multinational conglomerates, from legal to illegal commerce. Trader of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Aurors-Mani daemon.
- The Kuckowni: The mouth of the quad factions. Disseminates and promotes the will of the quad-factions to the common masses in the form of news or moral literature. Tarnishes or uplifts the social value of any ideology, way of life, fashion, commodity or product, nation, celebrity or individual, or any relevent and potent change in society. PR-Head of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Karys-Mani daemon.
The core of the Quest system:
Quests have a two-fold objective. First, the quest must resonate with the daemon/s or faction or domain in question. Second, it should test the psychological attributes and/or mental attributes of the Exorcist.
This test is done via four types of responses:
a. Dialogue choices(to isolate the player's social characteristics);
b. 5 sec decisions of visual or auditory preference(to ascertain preferences on a wide range of topics);
c. reflex-based mini-games(to gauge the dexterity and quick-thinking capability of the player);
d. puzzles or riddles or lore-dependent quiz(to test the intelligence and memory of the gamer).
Based on successive additive results of these tests, subsequent quests are modified to cater to the *strongest characteristics* of the gamer and *not the weakest*.
The question of Quest difficulty and challenge is solely based-on Boss encounters. These encounters have an exactitude for the weakest characteristics of the gamer.
Combat/spell/skill/ based Quest resolutions are the common-link between the above 4 response-based Quest generation. It is suggested that the above 4 response-based tests be randomized so as to catch the Exorcist by surprise.
Combat in the Exorcist:
The Exorcist is an adept hand-to-hand combatant however, he/she resorts to melee combat as a last resort. Physical perfection is not the Exorcist's forte.
Melee combat includea a basic kick, basic punches, use of environment-specific weapons, defensive covers/shields and interactable environment-icon-activated functions.
Skill Trees:
The Exorcist is heavily dependent on his Skill-Trees, i.e, Materium, Psy-Mann-yana & Divinium.
All skill trees provide passive perks or attribute enhancements or passive skills. They do *not* provide spells.
Spells:
Spells are found via spell-tomes. The spells need to be inscribed at home base as tattoos on the Exorcist. Each inscribed spell increases the current Causality stat of the Exorcist.
Spells are one time use functions which need to be recharged via Meditation at home base or via use of a Spell-Prism item. When recharged, they emit a faint glow.
Clothes/Gear can be imprinted with Runes that provide a type of talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Spells can not be upgraded.
The Psy-Mann-yana skill tree contains a skill, "Clarity & No-mind" that has 5 levels of spell casting.
a. auditory spell casting at +50% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise and damage.
b. auditory spell casting at +100% base speed. Can be interrupted by damage.
c. silent spell casting at +150% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise.
d. silent spell casting at +200% base speed. Can not be interrupted.
e. instantaneous spell casting. non-interruptable.
A typical Spell at Clarity & No-mind level a, takes 10 secs to cast.
Weapons:
There are a wide variety of weapons in the game with varying aesthetics according to the following themes:
i. Divinium Orthodoxy (traditional Catholic)
ii. Materium [Orient(Fashi)/Indian(Ojha)/Middle-East(Raqi)/African(Waganga Medicine Man)/Judaism(Rabbi)]
iii. Psy-Mann-yana[a mixture of technology with Materium aesthetics]
Weapons do not have a level, can not be upgraded, have zero to 5 slots for Relic-insertion.
Common weapons have no slots.
All Weapons require either Ammo or Blood(Exorcist's HP) or Essence(Monster loot drop) or Boon(1 Boon rewarded per Quest resolution)
The Exorcist can have 2 sets of Weapons that are swappable instantly.
Clothes/gears:
All Clothes/gears drop via 4 parts: Head part, Torso part, Leg parts, Arm parts.
Clothes are also sold by Tailors.
Head gears protect the Head Body Part.
Torso gears protect the Chest Body Part.
Leg gears protect the Legs Body Parts.
Arm gears protect the Arms Body Parts.
All Gears can be upgraded by a Tailor NPC.
All Gears may have the following stats:
Only main stat - Defence(direct percentage Damage Mitigation for that Body Part)
Sub stats - Any stats.
Clothes/gears can be imprinted with a maximum of 2 Runes each that provide a specific talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Relics:
Relics are small receptacles that contain a body part of a deceased Saint. They could be a fews trands of hair, teeth, nails or bone chips.
Relics can be inserted into a weapon slot to provide additional benefits. They can also be removed.
Artifacts:
These are of two types:
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that were in close proximity to a Saint or a Holy warrior for a long time.
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that have absorbed enough mana at a location infused with the convergence of multiple ley lines.
Artifacts need to be kept in inventory for their benefits.
Implements:
These are non-damaging utility-based items made by various Exorcists from different regions of the world. Their functions are:
i. Terrain traversal
ii. Teleportation
iii. Distraction
iv. Hypnosis
v. Healing
vi. Time-manipulation
vii. Hearing enhancements
viii. Vision enhancements
ix. Communication
x. Scrying
xi. Hacking
xii. Astral Projection
xiii. Invisibility
xiv. Movement Speed
xv. Miniaturisation
xvi. Summons
xvii. Magical path guidance
xviii. Psychokinesis.
xix. Timed-Explosives
xx. Key of Shagol(master key)
The Exorcist can simultaneously equip 9 Implements.
Each implement has a separate cooldown.
Terrain-traversal and interactable environments in the Exorcist:
The exorcist primarily uses a third-hand 1987 Buick Regal GNX for daily commute. He won it via gambling against a daemon.
Use of grapplers, explosives, miniaturization, teleportation, psychokineses, etc. for specific terrains and environment.
There are no mounts in this game.
Finished on 22.03.2023. 15:53.
submitted by
AluOwt to
gameconcepts [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:24 AluOwt Exorcist - Part II
21.03.2023
approx. 17:00
I have to reiterate that Exorcist is a single-player open-world or open-city dark RPG in a modern urban setting. The city has day/night cycles as well as weather cycles. Even though, the game is generally dark and at times gothic, there are many regions and locations that emit a serene or even a comedic quality. This is deliberate and required so as to not burn-out the player with constant dark, dreary, horrifying or disgusting environments. Certain companions offer comedic relief and even serve as a potential love-interest or an evolved personal enemy.
I envision the player to enter the world of the Exorcist once a day for a couple of hours and each sitting provides unique and ample incentive to continue playing as well as a surprising closure for that day's episode.
As such, cinematic cut-scenes are best provided via orchestra.
As the name suggests, the game is intermittently horrifying, intermittently interspersed with growing dread, intermittently relaxing with a comedic relief that caters to the Exorcist's penchant for dry humour and full or nonchalant bravery.
Character Profile of the Exorcist:
Name : ?
Age : 33 - 44
Sex: ?
Build: Athletic/Average.
Education: Some college degree.
Social habits: Loner, dislikes attention, prefers one-on-one interactions, soft-spoken, reasonably benevolent, avoids gatherings, divorced or never married, small circle of friends, proficient at non-verbal cues, emotionally perceptive, dry humor, neutral tone of voice(but resonant) with inclination towards functionally-relevant concise vocabulary, capable of masking own personality, blunt speech for avoidance, prefers dark or monotone dull colors,
Psychological profile: INFJ.
Companions: Dog or Cat. Occasional flings.
Sexuality: Straight or Bisexual.
Habits: Occasional drinker and regular smoker.
Past medical history: Asthmatic, takes medications for psychosis, chicken pox at 12.
Past mental traumas: Death of mother, divorce, string of job failures, eye-witness to a murder.
Current occupation: One of the following:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy
Finance:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate: stable average income. 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist: unstable income. 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy: stable above average income.
Combat Proficiency: none.
Mental Aptitude:
1. MHI - Above average IQ 2. FPMY - Very intelligent 3. RDO - average IQ
Miscellaneous skills:
1. Proficient in a musical instrument. 2. Adept at graphology or sketching. 3. Skilled at cooking or gardening.
Story-driven skills regardless of occupation:
1. True sight 2. Haphazard clairvoyant 3. Canine or feline affinity
Psychological weaknesses:
1. Either rage or despair(pessimist) 2. Either impatience or passivity 3. Either assertive or meek
Hierarchy & Modus Operandi of daemonic factions:
- Techno-Inferni: Gathers, indoctrinates all Know-Int workers, subverts science to support pre-existing hierarchy. Brain of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Know-Int daemon.
- The Brotherhood: The muscle-man of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Kar-Domini daemon.
- The Alderbarani: Wide range of businesses ranging from small-proprietorships to multinational conglomerates, from legal to illegal commerce. Trader of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Aurors-Mani daemon.
- The Kuckowni: The mouth of the quad factions. Disseminates and promotes the will of the quad-factions to the common masses in the form of news or moral literature. Tarnishes or uplifts the social value of any ideology, way of life, fashion, commodity or product, nation, celebrity or individual, or any relevent and potent change in society. PR-Head of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Karys-Mani daemon.
The core of the Quest system:
Quests have a two-fold objective. First, the quest must resonate with the daemon/s or faction or domain in question. Second, it should test the psychological attributes and/or mental attributes of the Exorcist.
This test is done via four types of responses:
a. Dialogue choices(to isolate the player's social characteristics);
b. 5 sec decisions of visual or auditory preference(to ascertain preferences on a wide range of topics);
c. reflex-based mini-games(to gauge the dexterity and quick-thinking capability of the player);
d. puzzles or riddles or lore-dependent quiz(to test the intelligence and memory of the gamer).
Based on successive additive results of these tests, subsequent quests are modified to cater to the *strongest characteristics* of the gamer and *not the weakest*.
The question of Quest difficulty and challenge is solely based-on Boss encounters. These encounters have an exactitude for the weakest characteristics of the gamer.
Combat/spell/skill/ based Quest resolutions are the common-link between the above 4 response-based Quest generation. It is suggested that the above 4 response-based tests be randomized so as to catch the Exorcist by surprise.
Combat in the Exorcist:
The Exorcist is an adept hand-to-hand combatant however, he/she resorts to melee combat as a last resort. Physical perfection is not the Exorcist's forte.
Melee combat includea a basic kick, basic punches, use of environment-specific weapons, defensive covers/shields and interactable environment-icon-activated functions.
Skill Trees:
The Exorcist is heavily dependent on his Skill-Trees, i.e, Materium, Psy-Mann-yana & Divinium.
All skill trees provide passive perks or attribute enhancements or passive skills. They do *not* provide spells.
Spells:
Spells are found via spell-tomes. The spells need to be inscribed at home base as tattoos on the Exorcist. Each inscribed spell increases the current Causality stat of the Exorcist.
Spells are one time use functions which need to be recharged via Meditation at home base or via use of a Spell-Prism item. When recharged, they emit a faint glow.
Clothes/Gear can be imprinted with Runes that provide a type of talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Spells can not be upgraded.
The Psy-Mann-yana skill tree contains a skill, "Clarity & No-mind" that has 5 levels of spell casting.
a. auditory spell casting at +50% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise and damage.
b. auditory spell casting at +100% base speed. Can be interrupted by damage.
c. silent spell casting at +150% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise.
d. silent spell casting at +200% base speed. Can not be interrupted.
e. instantaneous spell casting. non-interruptable.
A typical Spell at Clarity & No-mind level a, takes 10 secs to cast.
Weapons:
There are a wide variety of weapons in the game with varying aesthetics according to the following themes:
i. Divinium Orthodoxy (traditional Catholic)
ii. Materium [Orient(Fashi)/Indian(Ojha)/Middle-East(Raqi)/African(Waganga Medicine Man)/Judaism(Rabbi)]
iii. Psy-Mann-yana[a mixture of technology with Materium aesthetics]
Weapons do not have a level, can not be upgraded, have zero to 5 slots for Relic-insertion.
Common weapons have no slots.
All Weapons require either Ammo or Blood(Exorcist's HP) or Essence(Monster loot drop) or Boon(1 Boon rewarded per Quest resolution)
The Exorcist can have 2 sets of Weapons that are swappable instantly.
Clothes/gears:
All Clothes/gears drop via 4 parts: Head part, Torso part, Leg parts, Arm parts.
Clothes are also sold by Tailors.
Head gears protect the Head Body Part.
Torso gears protect the Chest Body Part.
Leg gears protect the Legs Body Parts.
Arm gears protect the Arms Body Parts.
All Gears can be upgraded by a Tailor NPC.
All Gears may have the following stats:
Only main stat - Defence(direct percentage Damage Mitigation for that Body Part)
Sub stats - Any stats.
Clothes/gears can be imprinted with a maximum of 2 Runes each that provide a specific talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Relics:
Relics are small receptacles that contain a body part of a deceased Saint. They could be a fews trands of hair, teeth, nails or bone chips.
Relics can be inserted into a weapon slot to provide additional benefits. They can also be removed.
Artifacts:
These are of two types:
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that were in close proximity to a Saint or a Holy warrior for a long time.
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that have absorbed enough mana at a location infused with the convergence of multiple ley lines.
Artifacts need to be kept in inventory for their benefits.
Implements:
These are non-damaging utility-based items made by various Exorcists from different regions of the world. Their functions are:
i. Terrain traversal
ii. Teleportation
iii. Distraction
iv. Hypnosis
v. Healing
vi. Time-manipulation
vii. Hearing enhancements
viii. Vision enhancements
ix. Communication
x. Scrying
xi. Hacking
xii. Astral Projection
xiii. Invisibility
xiv. Movement Speed
xv. Miniaturisation
xvi. Summons
xvii. Magical path guidance
xviii. Psychokinesis.
xix. Timed-Explosives
xx. Key of Shagol(master key)
The Exorcist can simultaneously equip 9 Implements.
Each implement has a separate cooldown.
Terrain-traversal and interactable environments in the Exorcist:
The exorcist primarily uses a third-hand 1987 Buick Regal GNX for daily commute. He won it via gambling against a daemon.
Use of grapplers, explosives, miniaturization, teleportation, psychokineses, etc. for specific terrains and environment.
There are no mounts in this game.
Finished on 22.03.2023. 15:53.
submitted by
AluOwt to
GameConceptAndDesign [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:24 AluOwt Exorcist - Part II
21.03.2023
approx. 17:00
I have to reiterate that Exorcist is a single-player open-world or open-city dark RPG in a modern urban setting. The city has day/night cycles as well as weather cycles. Even though, the game is generally dark and at times gothic, there are many regions and locations that emit a serene or even a comedic quality. This is deliberate and required so as to not burn-out the player with constant dark, dreary, horrifying or disgusting environments. Certain companions offer comedic relief and even serve as a potential love-interest or an evolved personal enemy.
I envision the player to enter the world of the Exorcist once a day for a couple of hours and each sitting provides unique and ample incentive to continue playing as well as a surprising closure for that day's episode.
As such, cinematic cut-scenes are best provided via orchestra.
As the name suggests, the game is intermittently horrifying, intermittently interspersed with growing dread, intermittently relaxing with a comedic relief that caters to the Exorcist's penchant for dry humour and full or nonchalant bravery.
Character Profile of the Exorcist:
Name : ?
Age : 33 - 44
Sex: ?
Build: Athletic/Average.
Education: Some college degree.
Social habits: Loner, dislikes attention, prefers one-on-one interactions, soft-spoken, reasonably benevolent, avoids gatherings, divorced or never married, small circle of friends, proficient at non-verbal cues, emotionally perceptive, dry humor, neutral tone of voice(but resonant) with inclination towards functionally-relevant concise vocabulary, capable of masking own personality, blunt speech for avoidance, prefers dark or monotone dull colors,
Psychological profile: INFJ.
Companions: Dog or Cat. Occasional flings.
Sexuality: Straight or Bisexual.
Habits: Occasional drinker and regular smoker.
Past medical history: Asthmatic, takes medications for psychosis, chicken pox at 12.
Past mental traumas: Death of mother, divorce, string of job failures, eye-witness to a murder.
Current occupation: One of the following:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy
Finance:
1. Materium-Hedge-Initiate: stable average income. 2. Freelance Psy-Mann-yana Exorcist: unstable income. 3. Registered-Divinium-Orthodoxy: stable above average income.
Combat Proficiency: none.
Mental Aptitude:
1. MHI - Above average IQ 2. FPMY - Very intelligent 3. RDO - average IQ
Miscellaneous skills:
1. Proficient in a musical instrument. 2. Adept at graphology or sketching. 3. Skilled at cooking or gardening.
Story-driven skills regardless of occupation:
1. True sight 2. Haphazard clairvoyant 3. Canine or feline affinity
Psychological weaknesses:
1. Either rage or despair(pessimist) 2. Either impatience or passivity 3. Either assertive or meek
Hierarchy & Modus Operandi of daemonic factions:
- Techno-Inferni: Gathers, indoctrinates all Know-Int workers, subverts science to support pre-existing hierarchy. Brain of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Know-Int daemon.
- The Brotherhood: The muscle-man of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Kar-Domini daemon.
- The Alderbarani: Wide range of businesses ranging from small-proprietorships to multinational conglomerates, from legal to illegal commerce. Trader of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Aurors-Mani daemon.
- The Kuckowni: The mouth of the quad factions. Disseminates and promotes the will of the quad-factions to the common masses in the form of news or moral literature. Tarnishes or uplifts the social value of any ideology, way of life, fashion, commodity or product, nation, celebrity or individual, or any relevent and potent change in society. PR-Head of the quad-factions. Led by an unknown Karys-Mani daemon.
The core of the Quest system:
Quests have a two-fold objective. First, the quest must resonate with the daemon/s or faction or domain in question. Second, it should test the psychological attributes and/or mental attributes of the Exorcist.
This test is done via four types of responses:
a. Dialogue choices(to isolate the player's social characteristics);
b. 5 sec decisions of visual or auditory preference(to ascertain preferences on a wide range of topics);
c. reflex-based mini-games(to gauge the dexterity and quick-thinking capability of the player);
d. puzzles or riddles or lore-dependent quiz(to test the intelligence and memory of the gamer).
Based on successive additive results of these tests, subsequent quests are modified to cater to the *strongest characteristics* of the gamer and *not the weakest*.
The question of Quest difficulty and challenge is solely based-on Boss encounters. These encounters have an exactitude for the weakest characteristics of the gamer.
Combat/spell/skill/ based Quest resolutions are the common-link between the above 4 response-based Quest generation. It is suggested that the above 4 response-based tests be randomized so as to catch the Exorcist by surprise.
Combat in the Exorcist:
The Exorcist is an adept hand-to-hand combatant however, he/she resorts to melee combat as a last resort. Physical perfection is not the Exorcist's forte.
Melee combat includea a basic kick, basic punches, use of environment-specific weapons, defensive covers/shields and interactable environment-icon-activated functions.
Skill Trees:
The Exorcist is heavily dependent on his Skill-Trees, i.e, Materium, Psy-Mann-yana & Divinium.
All skill trees provide passive perks or attribute enhancements or passive skills. They do *not* provide spells.
Spells:
Spells are found via spell-tomes. The spells need to be inscribed at home base as tattoos on the Exorcist. Each inscribed spell increases the current Causality stat of the Exorcist.
Spells are one time use functions which need to be recharged via Meditation at home base or via use of a Spell-Prism item. When recharged, they emit a faint glow.
Clothes/Gear can be imprinted with Runes that provide a type of talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Spells can not be upgraded.
The Psy-Mann-yana skill tree contains a skill, "Clarity & No-mind" that has 5 levels of spell casting.
a. auditory spell casting at +50% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise and damage.
b. auditory spell casting at +100% base speed. Can be interrupted by damage.
c. silent spell casting at +150% base speed. Can be interrupted by noise.
d. silent spell casting at +200% base speed. Can not be interrupted.
e. instantaneous spell casting. non-interruptable.
A typical Spell at Clarity & No-mind level a, takes 10 secs to cast.
Weapons:
There are a wide variety of weapons in the game with varying aesthetics according to the following themes:
i. Divinium Orthodoxy (traditional Catholic)
ii. Materium [Orient(Fashi)/Indian(Ojha)/Middle-East(Raqi)/African(Waganga Medicine Man)/Judaism(Rabbi)]
iii. Psy-Mann-yana[a mixture of technology with Materium aesthetics]
Weapons do not have a level, can not be upgraded, have zero to 5 slots for Relic-insertion.
Common weapons have no slots.
All Weapons require either Ammo or Blood(Exorcist's HP) or Essence(Monster loot drop) or Boon(1 Boon rewarded per Quest resolution)
The Exorcist can have 2 sets of Weapons that are swappable instantly.
Clothes/gears:
All Clothes/gears drop via 4 parts: Head part, Torso part, Leg parts, Arm parts.
Clothes are also sold by Tailors.
Head gears protect the Head Body Part.
Torso gears protect the Chest Body Part.
Leg gears protect the Legs Body Parts.
Arm gears protect the Arms Body Parts.
All Gears can be upgraded by a Tailor NPC.
All Gears may have the following stats:
Only main stat - Defence(direct percentage Damage Mitigation for that Body Part)
Sub stats - Any stats.
Clothes/gears can be imprinted with a maximum of 2 Runes each that provide a specific talismanic protection. On each activation, there is a resource cost. Either HP or Stamina or Increase in current Causality.
Relics:
Relics are small receptacles that contain a body part of a deceased Saint. They could be a fews trands of hair, teeth, nails or bone chips.
Relics can be inserted into a weapon slot to provide additional benefits. They can also be removed.
Artifacts:
These are of two types:
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that were in close proximity to a Saint or a Holy warrior for a long time.
- Objects, implements, gears or weapons that have absorbed enough mana at a location infused with the convergence of multiple ley lines.
Artifacts need to be kept in inventory for their benefits.
Implements:
These are non-damaging utility-based items made by various Exorcists from different regions of the world. Their functions are:
i. Terrain traversal
ii. Teleportation
iii. Distraction
iv. Hypnosis
v. Healing
vi. Time-manipulation
vii. Hearing enhancements
viii. Vision enhancements
ix. Communication
x. Scrying
xi. Hacking
xii. Astral Projection
xiii. Invisibility
xiv. Movement Speed
xv. Miniaturisation
xvi. Summons
xvii. Magical path guidance
xviii. Psychokinesis.
xix. Timed-Explosives
xx. Key of Shagol(master key)
The Exorcist can simultaneously equip 9 Implements.
Each implement has a separate cooldown.
Terrain-traversal and interactable environments in the Exorcist:
The exorcist primarily uses a third-hand 1987 Buick Regal GNX for daily commute. He won it via gambling against a daemon.
Use of grapplers, explosives, miniaturization, teleportation, psychokineses, etc. for specific terrains and environment.
There are no mounts in this game.
Finished on 22.03.2023. 15:53.
submitted by
AluOwt to
gameideas [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 11:03 DangerMaen [PC] W: OE/AP/FDC Excavator and armors in wishlist H: Guns, puns, armor
Looking for excavator set or pieces with OvereateAp/Food, aid weight reduction
My tradelist and wishlist here (click me, I’m a link!) Priority armor wishlist:
- OE/Ap/Sentinel - Heavy Leather - Left Leg and Left Arm
- OE/Ap/Sentinel - Heavy Combat - Chest, Left Leg and Left Arr
- OE/Ap/FDC Marine RL
- Uny/Ap/Sentinel - Heavy Robot - Right Leg
- Uny/Ap/Sentinel - Heavy Metal - Left Leg
More wanted armors in the link above! I’m generally interested in armors with OE/AP/Sentinel, wwr, sneak, food weight etc.
Only looking for wishlist items. Other offers will be politely turned down.
Please, if you have something on the wish list, do not ask what I will offer for it. I'm not good at guessing what people are looking for. Please request something that is about the same trade value and we take it from there. Pretty please <3 Also looking to buy slayers armors I dont have for caps, flux, materials etc. Please check
this table to see which ones I still need.
Thanks for reading! Have a dangerous day!
submitted by
DangerMaen to
Market76 [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 10:53 throwawayuntilitsme I have ruined my life
TW://MH/CSA/Abuse/suicide. Do not read further if any of these are triggers
I have ruined my life. Utterly. I am at a point where I feel that I cannot go forward without causing severe pain to somebody, most likely my spouse. I’m not looking for sympathy but I need to get this off my chest.
I’m a survivor of CSA. I’ve been living with the trauma for years. I also grew up in an abusive home, with a parent who spent money like it was water and was permanently in debt. I swore I wouldn’t be the same. I didn’t even have an overdraft on my current account for the longest time.
Well guess what, I am the same. And I hate myself for it. When my mental health started tanking I stopped paying attention to what I was buying. I became addicted to mobile games and spent lots of money on those - i managed to stop that, but then it started spreading to other things - Christmases, birthdays - not having the money I needed to buy gifts for everyone and putting it on credit. Buying people gifts made me feel better about myself when I was struggling, it made me feel like I had value. Well you can see where this is going, can’t you?
Now I’m 12K down. My spouse only knows about 5K. I’m so fucked. It’s keeping me awake at night. How to pay it back, how to pay it back. I work full time, but I’m salaried. No opportunity for overtime. I’ve applied to work for an evening job, but I’m already feeling burnt out from my day job. I had a mental breakdown a while back. Was hospitalised after an attempt to end my own life. Nobody in my life knows about this, and I know that I’ve left it too late to be honest with my spouse. My spouse wants us to move and I know that it’s likely going to come out when we apply to rent somewhere else.
submitted by
throwawayuntilitsme to
offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 08:41 VitaeLifeSolutions I deliver food to monsters (complete with links)
Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/ Part 3:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/ Part 4:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/ Part 5:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/ submitted by
VitaeLifeSolutions to
SlumberReads [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 07:21 Tigreal Patch Notes 1.7.68 - Org. Server
From The Designers
For the upcoming March season, aside from the usual hero adjustments, we've also optimized the gameplay of some older heroes such as Layla and Freya. We hope they'll be back with a spring in their step, ready to shine upon the battlefield!
We've also optimized 6 lesser-used equipment (Sea Halberd, Necklace of Durance, Twilight Armor, Rose Gold Meteor, Blood Wings and Thunder Belt) and 2 Battle Spells (Aegis and Revitalize) to hopefully make them more viable options in battle.
Additionally, for the upcoming Season 28, we will be launching a new Mythic system with a new rank, new Display Logos for Mythic ranks, and optimized the Mythic Points system into the Stars system. Reach 25 and 50 stars in Mythic to get upgraded appearances for Mythic stars.
We've also optimized the Placement Match experience and added a new Mythic Rank Exclusive Skin Voting system (avaliable after reaching Mythic rank, vote for 1 out of 6 heroes).
Added "Road to Mythic" challenges at Mythic rank that will grant the S28 Profile Namecard Background and Personal Profile Background. Reach Mythical Glory rank to upgrade them. Good luck in the new season!
I. New & Revamped Heroes
[Revamped Hero: Courageous Warrior - Minsitthar]
[Spear of Glory] and [King's Calling] are Minsitthar's core skills, so we've kept their gameplay the same (with some optimizations) in this revamp.
In addition, we've redesigned his Skill 2 and Passive to provide more damage and control to his kit. This redesign focuses on maintaining his roaming role while exploring the possibility of taking the Exp Lane.
We've also given Minsitthar a complete makeover. With this revamp, the courageous warrior shall reclaim his rightful glory!
Hero Features: A courageous warrior who excels in battle with spear and shield.
[Passive: Mark of the King]
Minsitthar's Basic Attacks and skills apply a stack of Mark of the King. Upon reaching 5 stacks, the next attack will detonate all Marks to deal a large amount of damage and stun the target, and restore HP to Minsitthar.
[Skill 1: Spear of Glory]
When pulling back his spear, Minsitthar will pull all enemy heroes in its path to him.
[Skill 2: Shield Assault]
Minsitthar holds up his shield, reducing incoming damage from the front for a period of time.
While in this stance, Minsitthar's Basic Attacks will hit all enemies in a rectangular area and have increased Attack Speed.
[Ultimate: King's Calling]
Minsitthar's Ultimate now prevents all enemies in its area from using all movement abilities.
Summoned Royal Guards can also trigger Minsitthar's equipment effects with their attacks.
Slightly increased the cast range.
Reduced the effect's duration.
II. Hero Adjustments
The following heroes have undergone significant adjustments in this patch: Joy, Freya, Layla, Wanwan, Badang, Esmeralda and Eudora.
The following uses (↑) (↓) (~) to indicate Buff, Nerf, and Adjustment.
[Joy] (~)
Joy has impressive durability, but her burst potential is a bit lacking in the mid-to-late game. As such, we're making it harder for her to gain durability while increasing her damage to fit her role as an Assassin.
[Passive] (~)
Removed the shield effect.
New Effect: Joy's skills now deal an additional instance of damage each time they hit a non-Minion unit.
[Skill 2] (~)
Max Uses: 5 >> 4
New Effect: Gain a shield when hitting on beat.
[Ultimate] (~)
Number of Skill 2 casts required to unlock: 5 >> 4
New Effect: Gain Physical & Magic Defense during Ultimate.
Damage increase after hitting on beat: 30% >> 40% (max damage when hitting all beats is the same)
[Freya] (↑)
While Freya has great sustainability, she plays more or less the same as other heroes that rely on Basic Attacks. So, we're making it easier for her to chain her skill combos, and in some circumstances, indefinitely. We're also improving the feel of Spirit Combo and Leap of Faith, and that of Freya's combos as a whole. Her shield and damage in the early-mid game have been adjusted to keep things balanced.
[Skill 1] (~)
Skill 1 is no longer enhanced by Sacred Orb nor does it cost any Sacred Orbs.
Can move through obstacles more easily.
[Skill 2] (↑)
Skill casts needed to trigger leaping strike: 3 >> 2
Reworked how the cooldown works: Cooldown is no longer triggered after the leaping strike, instead it triggers after not continuing to cast the skill within a certain period.
Slightly reduced the foreswing time of the leaping strike.
Airborne Duration: 0.5s >> 0.4s
Base Damage: 130-230 (+90% Total Physical Attack) >> 20-230 (+90% Total Physical Attack)
Final Damage: 156-276 (+108% Total Physical Attack) >> 26-276 (+108% Total Physical Attack)
Shield: 160-260 (+70% Extra Physical Attack) >> 60-260 (+70% Extra Physical Attack)
[Layla] (↑)
As a Marksman without Blink, Layla has trouble with survivability. We hope the following changes will allow her to kite enemies more efficiently and increase her skill cap. We've reduced a bit of her damage to balance these buffs.
[Basic Attack & Skills] (↑)
Greatly reduced backswing time to allow her to move and attack more efficiently.
[Attribute] (↓)
Physical Attack Growth: 9 >> 7.5
[Passive] (↓)
Maximum Damage Increase: 135% >> 130%
[Skil 2] (↑)
Changed the slow effect from mark detonations to a 0.25s AOE stun.
Only marks the first target hit.
[Wanwan] (~)
With fewer Weaknesses to hit, more players have been enjoying Wanwan, but it also made it harder for her opponents to counter her Ultimate. Therefore, we want to make it easier to escape her Ultimate while not affecting her power. After the changes, the locked target can more easily get out of lock range, and frontline heroes can move to block Wanwan's crossbow attacks to tank the damage. To compensate, we buffed Wanwan's damage, and how much she gains from Movement Speed bonuses in the early and mid game (Wanwan should get extra Movement Speed to take advantage of this).
[Passive] (↑)
All Weaknesses Hit Damage: 55-97 >> 70-112
[Ultimate] (↓)
Lock Range: 8.5 >> 6
Speed Boost while in the air: 10% Total Movement Speed >> 100% Extra Movement Speed
[Badang] (↓)
Badang has become too dominant in this version with the buff to Knockback effects. We've moderately reduced his damage in the early and mid game for balance.
[Skill 1] (↓)
Base Damage: 160-260 >> 125-225
Explosion Damage: 120-195 >> 100-175
[Ultimate] (↓)
Base Damage: 80-140 >> 60-120
Explosion Damage: 40-70 >> 30-60
[Esmeralda] (↑)
We've slightly increased Esmeralda's damage to make her more competitive compared to other Exp Laners.
[Basic Attack] (↑)
First Damage: 80% Physical Attack >> 100% Physical Attack
Second Damage: 100 +55% Magic Power >> 100 +75% Magic Power
[Skill 2] (↑)
Cooldown: 5.5-3.5s >> 4.5-3.5s
[Eudora] (↑)
We want players to be able to use Eudora's skills based on the situation, instead of always starting with Skill 2.
[Attributes] (↑)
HP Growth: 142.5 >> 160.5
[Skill 2] (↑)
Orb of Lightning bounce's Stun Duration: 0.6s >> 0.9s
[Lesley] (↑)
We've slightly buffed Lesley's damage because the meta has been favouring Attack Speed Marksmen.
Passive (↑)
Base Damage:50 >> 75
[Skill 1] (↑)
Cooldown: 5-3s >> 4-2.5s
[Paquito] (↑)
We've slightly buffed Paquito's durability in the mid and late game to fit his role as a fighter.
[Skill 1] (↑)
Shield: 150-500 +110% Physical Attack >> 150-650 +135% Physical Attack
[Fredrinn] (↓)
Slightly reduced the damage of Fredrinn's Ultimate when not enhanced.
[Skill 2] (↓)
Base Damage: 200-300 >> 140-215
[Skill 3] (↓)
Base Damage: 300-500 >> 210-330
III. Battlefield Adjustments
[New Map]
The brand-new map "Harmonia" is available free for a limited-time! Featuring a new design, with new models, effects, and more. And the "Harmonia" Lord is stepping into the fray, too. Check it out!
[Lord] (↑)
The Enhanced Lord can now use Turret Clash against all turrets it encounters after the 12-minute mark, instead of only the first one.
[Equipment]
[Sea Halberd] (↑)
We don't want Physical Damage heroes to lose much damage output when using this equipment.
[Unique Passive - Punish] (New)
Increase damage by 8% against enemy heroes with more extra HP than you.
[Necklace of Durance] (↑)
Optimized the build path to better fit some mages and supports.
[Build Path]
Mystic Container >> Elegant Gem (Necklace of Durance attributes modified accordingly)
[New Passive] (↑)
Gift (the effect is the same as Elegant Gem)
[Twilight Armor] (Revamped)
We've noticed that most tanks focus on absorbing damage instead of dealing damage, so we've changed this equipment to help against burst damage and also made it more versatile.
[Unique Passive - Twilight] (Revamped)
When taking more than 600 damage in a single hit, the excess amount will be reduced by 300 +5% of Max HP. Cooldown: 5s.
[Rose Gold Meteor] (↑)
Rose Gold Meteor has been overshadowed by Athena's Shield, so we've changed its function to help heroes escape when the passive triggers.
[Attributes] (↑)
Physical Lifesteal: 5% >> 10%
[Build Path] (~)
Magic Blade + Dagger >> Magic Blade + Vampire Mallet
[Unique Passive - Lifeline] (↑)
Shield: 510-1350 >> 840-1820
Removed Effect: Increase Magic Defense by 25 for 3s when triggered.
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 50% when triggered, the effect decays over 3 seconds.
Cooldown: 40s >> 60s
[Magic Blade] (↑)
[Unique Passive - Lifeline] (↑)
Shield: 280-700 >> 420-910
Removed Effect: Increase Magic Defense by 12 for 3s when triggered.
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 50% when triggered, the effect decays over 3 seconds.
Cooldown: 40s >> 60s
[Blood Wings] (↑)
Optimized Effect: Now when the shield is attacked, it will be restored after 30s even if it's not destroyed.
Cooldown: 30s >> 20s
New Effect: Increase Movement Speed by 30 when shield is active.
[Thunder Belt] (↑)
Thunder Belt is too costly for roaming tanks, so we're reducing its price and boosting its Mana Regen.
[Cost] (↑)
2290 >> 1990
[Attributes] (↑)
Mana Regen: 6 >> 10
[Clock of Destiny] (↓)
Reduced the survivability it granted to burst damage mages.
[Attributes] (↓)
HP: 625 >> 500
[Unique Passive - Time] (↓)
Each stack grants 20 HP (was 25).
[Ice Queen Wand] (↑)
Increased the survivability it granted to sustained damage mages.
[Attributes] (↑)
New: 300 HP
Removed: 150 Mana
[Fleeting Time] (↑)
Optimized Effect: Certain heroes with Ultimates that enter cooldown after their duration is over now also gain cooldown reduction from kills and assists during their Ultimate's duration.
Includes: Faramis, Yve, Luo Yi, Leomord, Baxia, Hanzo, Granger, Edith, Aldous.
[Dominance Ice] (↑)
We want this piece of equipment to be more effective against heroes with high attack speed.
[Unique Passive - Arctic Cold] (↑)
The attack speed reduction is now calculated after all attack speed bonuses.
Lowers nearby enemy heroes' Attack Speed to: 75% >> 70%
[Black Ice Shield] (↑)
[Unique Passive - Arctic Cold] (↑)
The attack speed reduction is now calculated after all attack speed bonuses.
Lowers nearby enemy heroes' Attack Speed to: 90% >> 85%
[Battle Spells]
We've adjusted [Aegis] and [Revitalize] to more clearly differentiate them from [Vengeance]. Heroes of different roles should now have more viable choices for defensive Battle Spells.
[Aegis] (↑)
Aegis works well enough to protect heroes with low HP in the early game, but the shield is too flimsy in the mid and late game compared to how much hero damage ramps up.
Shield: 750 + 50Hero Level >> 750 + 90Hero Level
Removed the effect of granting shield to nearby allied hero.
Cooldown: 90s >> 75s
[Revitalize] (~)
The effect will now move with its caster, making it more suitable for Supports.
[Role Adjustments]
As the meta evolves, certain heroes have gone through a lot of changes compared to their original playstyle and abilities. Therefore, we decided to update their roles to better fit their playstyle.
- Grock: Tank >> Tank/Fighter
- Johnson: Tank >> Tank/Support
- Carmilla: Support >> Support/Tank
- Kaja: FighteSupport >> Support/Fighter
- Ruby: FighteTank >> Fighter
- Fredrinn: Tank/Fighter >> FighteTank
- Paquito: Fighter >> FighteAssassin
- Yin: Fighter >> FighteAssassin
- Benedetta: Assassin >> Assassin/Fighter
- Harley: Mage/Assassin >> Assassin/Mage >
[Lane Position Adjustments]
- Silvanna: Exp Lane/Jungling >> Exp Lane/Roaming
- Cyclops: Mid Lane >> Mid Lane/Jungling
Removed Jungling classification from the following heroes: Lapu-Lapu, Argus, Selena, Masha, Popol and Kupa.
IV. Weekly Free Heroes & New Skins
[New Skins]
1- New Epic skin Vale "Keeper of the Winds" will be available on March 27, 2023. Original Price: 899 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
2- Rafaela "Seraphic Selfie" will be available in the Purify Harmonia event on March 31 (Server Time).
3- April StarLight Skin - Edith "Ancient Warden" will be available on April 1, 2023.
4- Miya "Atomic Pop Miya" will be available on April 5 (Server Time) for 899 Diamonds. 30% off for the first 21 days.
5- Cyclops "Yokai Warlock" will be available in Grand Collection on April 10 (Server Time).
6- Eudora "Atomic Pop Eudora" will be available on April 12 (Server Time) for 899 Diamonds. 30% off for the first 21 days.
7- Hanabi "Moonlit Ninja" will be available in Moonlit Wish on April 15 (Server Time).
8- New Epic skin Bane "Soul Defiler" will be available on April 19, 2023. Original Price: 899 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
9- May StarLight Skin - Moskov "Violet Spear" will be available on May 1, 2023.
10- New Gloo "Jellyman" skin will be available on May 4, 2023. Original Price: 749 Diamonds, 30% off during launch week.
11- Clint "Crimson Blast" will be available in Grand Collection on May 6 (Server Time).
12- Roger "Phantom Pirate" and "Fire Pirate" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.
13- Hilda "Aries" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.
14- Minotaur "Taurus" will be available soon with a fully revamped design.
[Fragment Shop Adjustments]
Fragment Shop Adjustments on March 22 (Server Time)
a- Rare Skin Fragment Shop
Added: Argus "Dark Draconic", Dyrroth "Ruins Scavenger", Lunox "Ash Blossom", Natalia "Phantom Dancer" and Wanwan "Darting Star".
Removed: Gusion "Cyber Ops", Clint "Rock and Roll", Zilong "Eastern Warrior", Alucard "Viscount", and Minsitthar "Gilded King".
b- Hero Fragment Shop
Added: Hanabi, Edith, Moskov and Alpha.
Removed: Ruby, Gusion, Lesley and Valentina.
[Free Heroes]
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 03/24/2023 05:01:00 to 03/31/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Aamon, Khufra, Vale, Alice, Natalia, Harley, Guinevere and Phoveus.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Claude, Atlas, Beatrix, Sun, Harith and Grock.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 03/31/2023 05:01:00 to 04/07/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Lylia, Estes, Martis, Angela, Hanabi, Vexana, Thamuz and Rafaela.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Irithel, Faramis, Masha, Paquito, Lesley and Bruno.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/07/2023 05:01:00 to 04/14/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Clint, Dyrroth, Diggie, Alice, Fanny, Yin, Aulus and Hylos.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Akai, Brody, Chou, Aldous, Melissa and Franco.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/14/2023 05:01:00 to 04/21/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Martis, Cyclops, Gatotkaca, Helcurt, Karina, Kaja, Khaleed and Gloo.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Kadita, Edith, Moskov, Vale, Masha and Beatrix.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/21/2023 05:01:00 to 04/28/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Floryn, Minotaur, Pharsa, Kadita, Thamuz, Bane, Barats and Harith.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Johnson, Cecilion, Kaja, Chang'e, Roger and Ling.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 04/28/2023 05:01:00 to 05/05/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Lapu-Lapu, Carmilla, Moskov, Jawhead, Mathilda, Khufra, Akai and Phoveus.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Luo Yi, Selena, Lolita, Aldous, Bruno and Atlas.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 05/05/2023 05:01:00 to 05/12/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Vale, Chou, Irithel, Esmeralda, Faramis, Baxia, Lancelot and Bruno.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Martis, Karrie, Sun, Aurora, Lesley and Hanabi.
8 Free Heroes: Server Time 05/12/2023 05:01:00 to 05/19/2023 05:00:00 (Tap the Settings button on the top-right corner of the main page to check.)
Leomord, Valentina, Terizla, Yi Sun-shin, Phoveus, Karina, Kimmy and Rafaela.
6 Extra Starlight Member Heroes: Natan, Helcurt, Guinevere, Vexana, Barats and Uranus.
[StarLight Shop Update]
The following will be removed from the Shop on 4/30 23:59 (Server Time): Karrie "Dragon Queen", Aldous "The Insentient", Chou "Go Ballistic", Masha "Combat Maiden", Ling "Street Punk", Benedetta "Street Blow", Yi Sun-shin "Azure Sentry", Sun "Simian Curse", Luo Yi "Siren Priestess", and Ruby "Pirate Parrot".
The following will be added on 5/1 00:00: Layla "Bunny Babe", Freya "Dragon Hunter", Zilong "Eastern Warrior", Franco "Apocalypse", Martis "Searing Maw", Wanwan "Teen Pop", Lapu-Lapu "Special Force", Khufra "Dreadful Clown", Pharsa "Peony Bloom", and Cecilion "Stargazer".
V. New Functions & Events
[Ranked Mode]
1- Season 27 will end on 03/24/2023 at 23:59:59 (Server Time).
2- Season 28 will start on 03/25/2023 at 02:00:00 (Server Time). Play Ranked to get rewards, including Lapu-Lapu's S28 skin "Son of the Wild" and S28 Avatar Border "Fearless Armor". Complete rank tasks during the season to upgrade the skin's tag.
[S28 First Recharge Event]
1- Recharge 20 Diamonds to claim the S28 First Recharge Avatar Border for free!
2- Recharge any amount to purchase the S28 First Recharge Exclusive Elite Skin Khufra "Iron Hook" only for 100 Diamonds after discount!
3- Recharge a total of 3 days to purchase a Rename Card (7-Day). Only for 50 Diamonds after discount!
[The ALLSTAR event is here for a limited-time with the best deals of the year!]
1- From April 5 - May 28, ALLSTAR exclusive skin [Miya "Atomic Pop Miya"] and its Custom Action Bundle will be added to the Shop. 30% off for the first 21 days!
2- From April 12 - May 28, ALLSTAR exclusive skin [Eudora "Atomic Pop Eudora"] and its Custom Action Bundle will be added to the Shop. 30% off for the first 21 days!
3- From April 15 - May 8, the Moonlit Wish Draw event will be available. Participate in the draw and you'll have the chance to obtain the new ALLSTAR exclusive skin
4- [Hanabi "Moonlit Ninja'] as well as STUN, M-World, and [Guinevere "Psion of Tomorrow'] skins for a limited-time! Spend ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds to draw from 4/20 - 4/25. Don't miss out!
5- From April 15 - April 19, purchase Mega Draw Bundles (including Moonlit Wish Token + Lucky Number) for a chance to win 10,000 Diamonds daily, and a chance to win a 50,000 Diamond jackpot. Start buying early for the best chance to win!
6- From April 15 - April 23, log in daily during the event to win free rewards.
7- Complete daily and consecutive Recharge Tasks to earn rewards, including up to 5 Moonlit Wish Tokens, ALLSTAR exclusive Emote, Magic Wheel Potions, and loads more!
8- From April 20 - April 25, enjoy a shop-wide Mega Sale with up to 50% off. Spend ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds to buy skins for as little as 1 Diamond!
[ALLSTAR Free Rewards]
Four permanent skins, permanent hero choice, limited-time resources, Diamonds and more, all FREE and waiting to be claimed! You don't want to miss this!
1- From March 22 - 31, join Rafaela's Livestream event to claim a free ALLSTAR exclusive Emote!
2- From March 31 - April 30, join the Purify Harmonia event to claim a new ALLSTAR permanent skin, Spawn Effect, Avatar Border and more for free!
3- From March 31 - April 30, join the Last Encore event to claim a permanent event-exclusive skin of your choosing!
4- From April 1 - 25, join the ALLSTAR Login Gifts event to claim the new ALLSTAR Graffiti, Recall Effect, Draw Token, Elite skin and more for free!
5- From April 5 - 20, join the ALLSTAR Festival event to claim free ALLSTAR Promo Diamonds. Spend them in place of Diamonds!
6- From April 21 - 30, join the ALLSTAR Hero Academy event to claim one of five free permanent heroes!
7- On top of all that, there's Nostalgia, All Heroes Free Access, ALLSTAR reward exchange, and loads more reward-packed events coming soon!
[MLBB X Transformers: March 22 - April 30]
1- MLBB X Transformers draw event: MLBB X Transformers skins Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Megatron, Soundwave & Ravage, Grimlock and Starscream available for a limited time!
2- Transformers: Scratchcard Event: 1) Event is held from March 22 - 28. Transformers Scratchcard will offer Transformers Passes at a discount! 2) Gain a free scratchcard attempt with each purchase, with guaranteed Transformers-related resources!
[Superheroes Assemble!]
The Dawning Stars series exclusive skins and resources will return for a limited-time from 5/9 - 6/2 (Bruno "Firebolt", Lancelot "Swordmaster", Chou "Thunderfist", Vale "Blizzard Storm", and Esmeralda "The Foreseer")!
1- A permanent prize is guaranteed in the first 10 draws. Enjoy 50% off on your first 1X draw each day and 10% off for every 10X Draw.
2- Vote for your favourite Dawning Stars series skin from 4/24 00:00 - 5/13 to get discounted in the Event Shop during the draw event!
3- More Premium Supply events coming from 5/13 - 5/15 and 5/27 - 5/29. Get draw tokens at a discount!
[Weekly Diamond Pass]
Added the [Savings Box] feature: After purchasing/subscribing to the Weekly Diamond Pass, if you logged in on a particular day but forgot to claim your Weekly Diamond Pass rewards, they will be available the following day in your [Savings Box] (located on the Weekly Diamond Pass page). These can be claimed at any time, so don't worry about rewards you forgot to claim!
[StarLight Lucky Chest]
1- From 4/1 00:00:00 - 4/30 23:59:00, spend 10 Diamonds to participate in the draw for a chance to get a StarLight Card or Premium StarLight Card!
2- Added new "StarLight Last Light" Killing Notification to the StarLight Shop.
[Astral Star]
1- Starting 4/1 00:00 (Server Time), purchase Premium StarLight Membership to get the exclusive name [Astral Star] that will be valid during April StarLight.
2- The [Astral Star] name color is an exclusive Premium StarLight Member privilege, and is displayed in the game where names are shown.
VI. System Adjustments
[MMR Function Optimization]
1- Bonuses and Protection that affect Hero Power are now shown more clearly on the post-game screen.
2- The best title obtained each season is now recorded on your Favorite Heroes page.
3- Adjusted the minimum score required to enter each level's leaderboard, as well as the amount of points gained at each rank.
[Ranked Mode Adjustments]
1- Optimized the Mythic Points system to the Stars system and added a new rank, Mythical Honor, at 25 stars.
2- Added "Road to Mythic" challenges at Mythic rank. Complete them to get the S28 exclusive Profile Namecard Background and Personal Profile Background, and unlock upgraded versions of them at Mythical Glory rank.
3- Every season, you can get 10 Mythic Coins by winning 10 Ranked matches after reaching Mythic rank. Collect 40 Mythic Coins to exchange for the Mythic Exclusive Skin coming later.
4- Reach 25 and 50 stars in Mythic to get upgraded appearances for Mythic stars.
5- Optimized the Placement Match experience. The stars you earn during placements will be applied after you complete your Placement Matches.
6- Optimized Mythic rank matchmaking.
[Recharge Event Rule Adjustments]
After the version update, buying/subscribing to/renewing Weekly Diamond Passes or subscribing to/renewing Weekly Ticket Passes/Monthly Ticket Passes will all count toward Recharge Events and grant the following task progress:
- Weekly Diamond Pass/Weekly Diamond Pass Subscription: Progress +100
- Ticket Monthly Subscription: Progress +150
- Ticket Weekly Subscription: Progress +50 >
[Other]
Changed the Flag Change Card cooldown period to 3 months. Flag Change Cards will also be available for 70% off.
VII. Bug Fixes & Optimizations
1- Optimized game [Terms] and their descriptions in the [Tutorial].
2- Optimized the display for the 'Disarm' and 'Blink Disabled' markers shown during combat. They've been relocated from above a hero's head to beneath their HP bar.
3- Fixed an issue where some menus would cause crashes.
4- Fixed an issue where Lolita's Enhanced Basic Attacks would end when it's not used (also fixed on the Official Server).
5- Fixed an issue where Gloo would remain on Hayabusa after he used his Ultimate.
6- Fixed an issue where Gloo would remain on Wanwan after she used her Ultimate.
7- Fixed an issue where the animation of the knockback on Chou's Ultimate didn't fully match its control duration.
8- Fixed an issue where Odette's enhanced Basic Attacks couldn't trigger Attack Effects.
9- Fixed an inaccuracy with the damage of the second part of Lapu-Lapu's enhanced Ultimate.
10- Fixed an issue where the damage of Wanwan's Ultimate didn't properly scale with level.
11- Fixed an issue where the blocked damage of Badang's Skill 2 didn't properly scale with level.
12- Fixed an issue where the description and numbers on Argus' Ultimate's status icon weren't displayed correctly.
13- Fixed an inaccuracy with the damage description of Edith's Skill 2.
14- Fixed an inaccuracy with the description of Lapu-Lapu's passive.
15- Fixed an inaccuracy with the cooldown description of Xavier's Skill 2.
16- Fixed an inaccuracy with the movement speed description of Pharsa's Skill 4.
17- Fixed an issue where the movement speed of Hylos' Ultimate didn't increase with the skill level.
18- Fixed an issue where Hilda's Basic Attacks did not match the effects.
19- Fixed an issue with Johnson's Skill 1 description where the stated Physical Attack bonus was slightly off.
20- Optimized the visual effects when control immunity triggers.
21- Fixed an issue where Turret Protection takes effect after a long delay when allied minions die within the enemy turret's range.
22- Fixed an issue where Tigreal's passive was not correctly blocking additional damage triggered by Basic Attacks.
23- Fixed an issue with Windtalker not getting the correct cooldown reduction from Basic Attacks.
24- Fixed an issue where players would rarely lose sound in matches.
- Mobile Legends: Bang Bang
submitted by
Tigreal to
MobileLegendsGame [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 06:25 CoolGuess Is it true? Saw this on one of the Sikh subs
2023.03.22 06:02 J_Esirnus Showerthought: Buying Energy vs Chests
Is it worth it to spend 100 gems for 15 energy?
If you did that, and played one of the 8-minute square levels 3 times, and say averaged 3 pieces of grey equipment each time (for a total of 9, basically a blue's worth, not to mention the gold, exp, and designs), wouldn't that be a better value than spending gems on chests?
Of course there is the time cost to consider, as well as the impossibility of getting an S equipment. But if you have the time, and are more concerned with getting fodder to merge into your already acquired equipment, it seems like a better deal.
Energy Route for 2700 gems: Rough average of 9 purple worth of grey equipment (243). Plus exp, gold, & designs. But would take roughly 14 hours of play to complete.
Chest Route for 2680 gems: Rough average of 6 green, 3 blue, 1 purple (with potential of being S). Equals about 2.66 purple equipment. Takes literally seconds.
My conclusion: It's not worth your time. Don't play this game for 14 extra hours, per 2700 gems. Even if it means you'd be tripling your equipment, and getting bonus gold & exp. Go outside. Create Something. Talk to a human. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
(Bonus Question: Is it always 100 gems for 15 energy? Or does the cost go up each time you buy it? I haven't ever actually bought energy before, and that would make this pointless post even more pointless lol)
submitted by
J_Esirnus to
Survivorio [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 04:34 VitaeLifeSolutions I deliver food to monsters (complete with links)
Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/ Part 3:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/ Part 4:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/ Part 5:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/ submitted by
VitaeLifeSolutions to
DarkSomniumNarrations [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 04:34 VitaeLifeSolutions I deliver food to monsters (complete with links)
Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/ Part 3:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/ Part 4:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/ Part 5:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/ submitted by
VitaeLifeSolutions to
MrCreepyPasta [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 04:33 VitaeLifeSolutions I deliver food to monsters (Complete with links)
Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/ Part 3:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/ Part 4:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/ Part 5:
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/ submitted by
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2023.03.22 04:17 Own_Ideal5042 Dating confession, I genuinely don't believe I'll find love
Hi all,
I have a weird confession/rant. Please, I do not want your pity, I just need somewhere to get this off my chest. I have no faith in love (cliche), and I genuinely do not believe I will ever be in love, find love, feel love, etc. I grew up with parents that are very, very in love, but they are the incredible exception to the rule. In contrast, every other relationship I have grown up around (to be blunt) has been a dumpster fire of cheating, backstabbing, abuse, hate, hurt, and heartbreak. I watched both my grandfathers cheat for years, I have dated and been cheated on, leaving me with a broken little heart and all that boring, angsty crap.
It does make me sad to know that I won't have those beautiful moments with someone. I have no desire to have children and have thought that from a young age, so that doesn't bother me, but the thought of never having my own person does send an ache I cannot describe. I want to be clear, I have worked on myself, I am happy with who I am and all I have achieved in life, I have an active life, an adorable dog, I'm very independent and self-sufficient, I have wonderful friends, and family (found and related), but there is a piece of me that hurts. There's the joke among my friends and family that I'll never settle down, I'll never be married, etc and while I laugh off the jokes and have no desire to be married, the absence of love is tough. I feel myself doing life activities and feeling the emptiness that comes with loneliness. I dream of a mundane love but have no idea what it would feel like, so I dream of an idea I can't feel.
I know you're probably thinking "There are plenty of fish in the sea, random Reddit user, don't give up". I would like to put forward some of what I believe to be valid points, I live in a party-based city, and I often hear from prospective dating options quotes like "I'm just looking for some fun and may settle in the future" or "As a high-value man..." blah blah." You get the point. To just add salt to the wound, I was seeing a guy who I thought was lovely, we got along great, and everything was going great, but I had been feeling unwell and headed to the doctor, who sent me to my specialist. It turns out my ovaries are hateful little shits, and I will be going for my fourth surgery at the end of the yeastart of next. My fertility came up, and the future for that is not too bright, which, let me reiterate, I am fine with because I don't want kids, but it was still hard to hear. When I told the guy I was seeing, he left me on the spot and screamed at me.
Thank you for staying and listening to this long-winded post about a girl who feels empty inside, feels there is a black cloud around her heart, and believes that every love song ever written is a fairy tale idea that I will never have to hold onto.
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2023.03.22 04:03 RyanSa19 I (21M) have been feeling unsure about my current relationship (22F), since I realized I'm developing strong feelings towards another woman.
I’m (21M) and I’ve being with the same girl (22F) for about 5 years (almost a quarter of my life), and its being some time since I started thinking if this is really what I want for my future, this is a very important discussion for me so I decided to explain this post from the very beginning of our relationship so all of you will be able to understand the context. Before I start, I’d like to ask for patience since English is not my first language and there might be a feel (or many) spelling mistakes.
We have been together since 2018, we are both from the same city, and went to the same school, I was just a young boy (16) when I laid eyes on her, and we have been together for a very long time since then. We did not had the best of the starts because when we were still getting to know each other she cheated on me, ( we were about 1 month together), and even though it’s been a long time I still remembers how that situation hurt me deep inside, the day it happened she had invited me for one of her friends birthday, it was the city's mayor son, on a big beautiful house, I have never been shy guy so I was not too uncomfortable with the different environment and people, party was going pretty good, not much happening, we were all drinking and having fun by the pool until she up came to me and said she had to help a friend of her inside ( who was having a hard time dealing with her own boyfriend) the house and went in, in the main time I started having a conversation with the only friend I had inside the party, I spent most of the time talking to him, until after a about 1 hours I realized she was taking too long to come back, so decided do go inside the house looking for her, the house had 2 floors and the upper floor was where the bedrooms stayed, I searched for her all around the house except for the upper floor ( which I thought would be to invasive since that’s not my house and I’m not even friends with the house owner), since I could not find her I got back to my friend and kept trying not to think too much about it until I realized one of the guys who was previously staring at her had also vanished out of nowhere, I started having a even worse feeling about it all. after a 2 hours she came back with a weird expression, a guilty one to be precise, she tried to hide it from me but after some minutes the guilty was too big and she told me that she lied to me and went upstairs with the guy and her friend actually was the one who was behind it all, even though I was expecting something of the sort when it proved truth it really broke my hard, I don’t want to waste too much time giving the details about the feeling but lets say it was like I felt my chest burning while losing my breath, the feeling of injustice and betrayal was a bit too much, I was in a strange place with strange people, all I could think about was beating the life out of that boy, but I was severely outnumbered and doing so would just make thing even worse.
I decided to take some time to think it over, but, after a few days the agony I felt was so intense that after less than a week after I decided to try again ( not because I forgave her but mostly because I was feeling anxious and depressed which made force my feelings and go back to her, all in hope that I would stop feeling so frustrated), got to be honest, it felt horrible at the start but after some time I started to overcome (or pretend i did) this feeling, but even so, i had a hard time dealing with her coldness, I was full of love for her, almost too much in love, and she was cold and indifferent towards my efforts, being treated that way after everything that happened kept me up at the night, our first five months of relationship were awful, the only reason I believe I was still trying to make it work was because of my intense blind love, while she was cold and mean sometimes she also would show real regret for what she was doing and wanted to become a better partner, after 5 months tiring relationship I went to Canada to start an exchange stundant period, I would live therefor about 5 months, and after come conversations and me promissing her that I would not give up on us we decided to continue with our relationship at distance. After some time she started to show real signs of improvement, during those 5 months she started to give more value to our relationship and also became a kind and caring girlfriend, but I still had a lots of regrets and told her i was thinking about breaking up, even though she showing signs of becoming a better girlfriend. During my stay at Canada I had both the best time of my life and the worse time of our relationship, that time i was mostly my fault for not being able to forgive her.
Before coming back home I decided I should at least keep my promise to her and not break up until coming back to my country and talking to her face to face, she managed to convince me thing would get better and they did, after our first year together we had sex for the first time (we were both virgins), and it was a huge step to both of us and our relationship, she was the first real girlfriend I had and I was also her first boyfriend. After some time together we started to grow a really healthy relationship and our love deepened even more as the time went by, but to be honest to you the scars from those first couple months never truly healed and I never felt as comfortable and innocent as I once was, since then, as a boyfriend, i came to be less dedicated to her, I believe this is a result of the trauma I experienced early on the relationship, I just can’t bring myself to be the romantic and perfect guy I always intended to be ( I wonder if I cant get over our past, and if I could do better had it never happened), it bothers her, and even though it hurts me to see her sad with my lack off effort to become a better boyfriend I just can’t, there’s something deep inside me that does not allow me to be 100% in, I just can’t give as much attention and love as she asks for ( don’t get me wrong, I never failed to show her how much I love her and also never treated her like she did to me, but there are some of those small details women love which i cant bring myself to do to her).
Although I do believe in true forever lasting love, I have never seem it up close, my parents are divorced, grandparents and relatives are no different, true love and fidelity in a relationship seems to be rare in my family (way too rare if you ask me), I hate people who cheat, i always did, cheating makes me quickly lose respect to someone, may it be a friend or a relative. Unfortunately infidelity seems to be way more common than fidelity, every single couple I know cheats or has cheated in the past, and it really disappoints me to see the people I should look after being the bad examples, I’m the older brother of 4, I feel a big responsibility to be the role model of a man I wish I had to my younger brothers, and for that reason I try to teach them everything I believe it’s right, and for having these beliefs it pains me and also makes me feel ashamed to admit that I might be going the same road my relatives have been. As I said, I’ve never cheated on anybody and neither wanted too, but recently I have being feel a weirdly attracted for a girl I know from college, we share most of our classes, I gotta be honest and tell she always got a bit of attention from me since the beggining, but to me she was no different than any pretty girl i could see around, thats was until i realized i am not only feeling physically but emotionally atracted to her ( I dont even have any sort of relationship with her besides college).
All I know is she's a nice and gorgeous woman who likes to dance ( I am not even sure if she's single or not, and i actually don't wish to know), during this new semester we got into the same internship class, which means Im having more time together with her than i ever did during all this time. I used to pretend she did not exist during classes because i felt so attracted to her I could end up making her feel uncomfortable while staring at her as she knows I have a girlfriend. I don’t have problems dealing with her face to face, I don’t get nervous or anxious ( except for being very friendly and naturally excited to work at her side), but for some reason when I’m far from her my brain just won’t stop thinking about her and how I want to get to know her ( we have had very short conversations about ourselves, and she shows real curiosity about me sometimes, but never showed any interest besides curiosity, I also never allowed us to have very long conversation since it does not seen right since I have strong feelings for her), gotta admit she seems like a really interesting person to know, sometimes is hard to keep it professional, sometimes I lose my focus when i look into her eyes ( she's got the most beautiful eyes I have ever seem, it is kind of a light brown color which I kind find really beautiful, and i am the kind of guy who always makes deep eye contact during conversations so i does help my situation).
The point is, it’s not right to have this kind of feeling while being in a relationship with someone else and I have been thinking about my future and relationship a lot even before feeling attracted to this girl. We started so young that I wonder if this is really what I want for me, we started so badly that i have a feeling in will eventually stop work sooner or later, I truly believe I love her and she's done way more good than bad in my life, but sometimes I think we are just way too different, I always wanted to have a family and the thing I want the most is to be a great example of a father and a husband to my future children, and for that reason I wonder, am feeling attraction for this woman because she's is somehow special or is my mind just playing tricks on me ( I think its better to either break up without a good reason then keep going in a relationship you feel like will go far but wont end well). I don’t want to end like my father, grandpa and uncle who all got in a relationship with someone they did not truly loved just so they would eventually cheat on their wives and divorce, thus letting another generation of our family tainted by this never ending cycle betrayals.
I am starting to consider about breaking up with my gf since I am not 100% sure I am and will love her for the rest of my life (feels like this passion of mine is a sign that i might not love her as much as I tell myself I do), I don’t like the feeling of the guilty of telling I love her while also feeling deeply attracted to another girl, and even if I break up with her I don’t think I would go after this other girl, I would break my gf heart even more by doing so, and a new relationship would take to much time a energy to build, even more considering the fact I fell for a girl who has no feelings over me, its not worth the trouble ( and it would also be insanely stupid to go chasing some girl right after breaking up with someone I spent half a decade with), I have already spent a quarter of my life with a girl I am starting to feel unsure about, to go straight on another relationship is most unlikely even if she suddenly realize she likes and demonstrate any sign of love interest. All I want is to be with someone I will forever be able to make happy while also being a great example for my brothers, kids and future generation which are yet to come.
It also worries me a lot about what would happen to my gf if I leave her, she has already lost her father a couple years ago and i feel like loosing me would be a great loss in her life considering she seems to be emotionally dependent on me, i tried to make her feek less dependence towards me before since I acknowledge it does more harm than good, but im afraid she still needs me. And for this reason I would like to ask your opinion on what you guys think is going on in my mind and what you would in my place, I have already lost a few good night of sleep thanks to this saddening situation I put myself into. Thanks for your time, have a great day !!
TL;DR; I am (21M) starting to doubt my current relationship (22F) after I started feeling attracted by another woman, i have been feeling unsure about our future for a long time and i believe my recent feeling for another woman are a sign that we should no be together anymore, what do you think?
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2023.03.22 03:41 THaloHarbinger Something I Need To Get Off My Chest...
I fall for people easily. I'm told it's cause I have a big heart, I maintain it's because people are incredible. There's this girl I hang out with that, despite all my efforts, I've developed a crush on.
She's got a gorgeous soul, an incredible voice, a beatiful face, and she's exceedingly kind. She makes me feel seen, included, and valued.
And I'm an idiot for letting this crush develop :P
Just something I needed to get off my chest.
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2023.03.22 03:41 elfar_fox A disturbing comment my boyfriend made about a young girl
My bf (29 male) and I (25 female) at the time of the incident had been together for almost half a year. It's been almost a year now but no matter how much i tried to turn a blind eye, the comments he make sometimes and his attitudes towards girls in general give me a very weird feeling.
A very brief back story, he and I grew up in very very different family background and environment. He came from a broken family with no proper care and love from his parents and mostly grew up with his friends. His friends are not the best influence to be around. Sex, drugs, vile language and living life on the edge would be the description i would give to his group of friends. Not very respectful towards people either. Me, on the other hand came from a very well-educated family and i grew up decent with very very loving family and good influential people around me. You can probably tell how different we are. But please keep in mind, my bf has a good nature but he is very blind to what's right and wrong. He doesn't know what is not right to say or how he should give respect. No one was around to teach him.
I met him and he was not my cup of tea. He had been single for 8 years and was just sleeping around. It was a tough start at first but he did fell hard for me and we got into a relationship. I knew it would be hard and there would be many differences but his attitude towards girls have not changed. I am a special 'woman' because he chose me and the rest is just 'female'. If you get what i'm trying to say. He just does not have respect for women in general, yes he treats me differently because I am his, and I am supposed to be a good, respectable and a special one. But the way he talks about other girls break my heart.
We were in paris once and there was a family walking in front of us quite far off; two parents and a daughter. Now, the daughter is a very attractive girl, well-developed body but she was wearing really short pants which exposed half of her buttocks. Now, I am the opposite of well-developed body, you can imagine my body to be more like runway models. Anyhow, I am always aware of my bf's taste for curvy girls. I know the girl caught his eyes, she caught my eyes too. We got closer to the family and it turned out that the girl is really young, I would say around 15 or 16 year-old. And the comment my bf made really made me disgusted and lost all respect for him. To be honest, reading back what i've just written, I don't think i have any respect for him to start with. He made this comment "Didn't think she would be that young. That's why they get raped."
It was just pure disgust from my side. No matter how revealing a girl is dressed, no one should make any comments on it. Period. A family member might give some opinions and yes, guys will stare but that very thought crossed his mind gives me shivers down my spine. This happened long ago but I just cannot stop thinking about it. This honestly isn't the first time he has said some indecent things about girls. He said girls are gold-diggers and they just want easy way out; they'll get anything they want using their bodies, he said. Now, I know very well where he is coming from. His own mom left him when he was 6 and had three more children with different fathers. I know he has zero respect for women. I am a different case to him. He cares for me and yes he has made very insensitive comments but I had to 'teach' him that they are inappropriate things to say. He now puts me in a different box. I am 'special' because i'm his. I do not like this treatment and i have mentioned this to him before.
We have very different values and yes, i am with him because i do love him and there are many qualities that I like about him. But the fact that he also has this side of him makes me realise that I will not be with him for long. I honestly do not know how long I will be with him but he does not have the qualities that I want in my husband or a father of my child.
P.S: he also likes Andrew Tate ffs. I know this is a huge red flag. He said he doesn't agree with things Andrew said about women but I feel like he's just saying it because he knows I wouldn't like it. Anyway, I don't even know if I expect any suggestions or anything by writing this. I just needed to get this off my chest.
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2023.03.22 02:26 menorahman100 Secrets of Da Vinci's The Last Supper
| The theme we will address has never attracted as much attention as it does in the current days. The recent success editorial of the book "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown instigated the imaginary, through a narrative that involves all of these matters related to the life of Christ questioning and presenting conjectures and theories, some credible and many others, in my view, without a lot of reasons, such as the mention of the work of Leonardo Da Vinci, "the Last Supper". https://youtu.be/i6-drL7fuqs Before we talk about the meaning of Leonardo's work, let's quickly address some aspects of his life to understand the context in which all his work developed. Leonardo was born in April 1452 in Vinci, a village near by the Florence, son of Piero da Vinci, a notary, and a servant. Leonardo was an illegitimate child, having no rights to his father's estate. But his father, zealous, did not abandon him, having assumed his creation. We must remember that Leonardo was born in the middle ages. The end of the middle ages is determined by the fall of Constantinople in May 1453. Of course the change from one period to another does not occur through a single event. This is a process of transition that involves multiple events. With the end of the Middle Ages we have the Renaissance, with the resurgence of the appreciation of man as a factor of relevance in all contexts. Begins Humanism, a movement that revolutionized the thought, emerging new concepts and worldviews. This new concept is a precursor of specialization of knowledge, resulting later in the systematization of human knowledge, with scientism and segregation of knowledge that until then was unified. Leonardo is more a medieval wise man than a person aligned with trends Renaissance because he was not restricted in specifics knowledge like other geniuses contemporaries geniuses. He had a broad knowledge. He was not only a painter. He was a sculptor, musician, architect, engineer, inventor, anatomist, and also an astrologer, although his biography does not to mention about the universe of hidden knowledge. In short he had a universal knowledge. In all areas he left the mark of his genius. When he turned 14, his father had placed him as an apprentice in the arts studio of Verrocchio who was a great master of Florence. The art workshops held not only artistic works such as paintings and sculptures, but also construction of buildings, bridges and works of engineering, metallurgy, war machines, everything that required creativity of man to make some kind of artifact. Leonardo soon excelled in all these arts, having participated in the production of a painting by Verrocchio, by order of Lorenzo Medici, ruler of Florence. He did paint an angel face on a canvas and the delicacy of the lines and the play of light, called the attention of the Medici family, who came to protect him. At this time, the success did not depend on talent, but especially the figure of a protector, a Maecenas. The Italian peninsula, at that time, was a region of many disputes, without the identity of a country, which has consolidated only in the second half of the nineteenth century with Garibaldi. There were city-states, which they lived in strife. Wars were fought systematically, in order to solidify the power of the clergy. In this context, a war was deflagrated against Florence, promoted by the Vatican, for there were many interests of political composition, dominance, hegemony and economic supremacy. Leonardo facing this situation, after serving the powerful others, as the Borgia, for example, just moving to Milan, had offered his services to the Duke Ludovico Sforza. Just to get an idea of the talents of Leonardo, he presents his resume as primarily military engineer, as he liked to be recognized, Architect, Builder Weapons, inventor, musician and at the end of the list of qualifications is painter and this is just his ability is that Duke engages him. Ludovico became the new protector of Leonardo. Among the many works that Leonardo executed custom Ludovico is the "Last Supper." The work should decorate the refectory of the Convent of Santa Maria delle Grazie. The work began in 1495 and was completed in 1497. In reality it did not complete. By the way, no work of Leonardo, except St. John and baby Jesus was completed. Were several lawsuits filed against Leonardo because he did not fulfill contract. Leonardo spoke "creation is divine, execution is slavish!" https://preview.redd.it/fk3rhe5hz6pa1.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fd7f147e06e72dca0ff296f65317c3163733a3fb The Last Supper was painted on the walls of the hall and Leonardo developed a new technique. It is often said that it is a fresco, but in reality a fresco is a painting done on a layer of newly applied plaster still wet. This technique does not allow error and touches later. As Leonardo was primarily a perfectionist, he wanted a technique that could shorten the drying process of the ink This does not mean he was not an expert, but he wanted the drying delay to execute the work with the greatest perfection imagined. So he developed certain dyes and pigments that have been shown ineffective in relation to conservation. The fresco has been constantly attacked by the action of fungi that decompose, requiring constant maintenance and restoration. Disrespect for art is not a fact that occurs only in our days. Note that, by the need to create a passage for a next room, was opened and then closed the door just about painting, destroying forever a part of the base. A similar fact occurred with the Mona Lisa, which is a painting done on wood panel, which had the sides sawn. Let us now turn to analyze the picture presented. We see that the figure of Christ is placed exactly in the center and if we trace two perpendicular lines, projecting the vanishing point, we have this convergence point exactly on the right eye of Christ. https://preview.redd.it/2q63a9akz6pa1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82b77c2509d79e82fc218c31cb234f3c988e6a78 Thus we have the picture, with Christ at the center position and the apostles distributed on both sides. Around Christ is formed a circle passing through the arc of the door at the back, forming a triangle with the apex up ward and the other with the apex downwards. In the book "The Da Vinci Code", Dan Brown speaks of these symbols in a simplistic way, relating them to the masculine principles, personified by the figure of Christ, and the female, formed between him and John standing right beside him. As John's features are feminine Dan Brown claims to be Mary Magdalene, who had been his wife and mother of his daughter Sara, giving rise to the dynasty of the Merovingian, the first kings francs (?). He argues that even Jesus to be a Rabbi, could not be single, and would necessarily have to be married. This is true among the Pharisees, but if we consider Jesus as Essene it would not be a fact, because the Essenes took vows of chastity and poverty of course he could not be married. (See studies on Essenes in the Dead Sea Scrolls). But that does not interest to the narrative of Dan Brown, because it would invalidate the book. Dan Brown is a researcher and I believe he has his knowledge, but I also believe that it is not interested because it contradicts with their commercial interest, because the truth does not sell. This symbolism is represented with two triangles with opposite vertices, is actually very deep, being present in different traditions such as Vedic and Hebrew, which presents two interlocking triangles, forming the six-pointed star. The six-pointed star, although it is known as the Star of David or Seal of Solomon is present five thousand years ago in the Vedas This symbol contains hermetic principles, such as correspondence, the polarity, as well as the sex and this cannot be reduced simply to a phallic reference. We are not depreciating the work of Dan Brown and recognize who never spoke much about these matters. These works have never been as visited as it is today and this in itself already has its importance, but we have to put things in their right places. We can relate the triangle with vertex upwards (upper triad=Spirit), containing the principles Will, Wisdom and Mind (Consciousness). The triangle with the apex downwards relates to the matter (unconsciousness). Thus when the two overlapping triangles results in the manifestation of life. It is the projection of spirit into matter, as we can also see in the painting of Narcissus (below right), by Caravaggio, where he falls in love with his own image reflected in the mirror of water, going to deny its divine origin and losing in the webs of illusion of the world of things, which is transitory, local and temporal. The world of things is composed of the four elements (Fire, Air, Water and Earth). https://preview.redd.it/3cia4wisz6pa1.jpg?width=557&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4b8024928bfecb087a46324137ea80e2edca43f5 The combination of the three higher attributes mathematically generates the four material elements. Let's see. By combining the primary elements, i.e., "A", "B" and "C", produce the four elements, where "A" is associated with "B", "A" is associated with "C", "B "associates with" C "," A "is associated with" B "and" C ". Thus we have four secondary elements. We also make an analogy with the primary colors, which are blue, yellow and red, that combined together form the four secondary colors, constituting the structure of the septenary manifestation (seven colors of the prism, seven musical notes, seven days a week seven deadly sins, etc...). Thus, the higher will generate the ternary quaternary, with a combination of three with four, resulting in the twelve that reflect the different basic types of energy, or twelve human archetypes. The three, four, seven and twelve numbers are sacred numbers, since summarize the constitution of the universe. The pyramid, for example, is a splendid symbol, it is the ternary seated on a quaternary basis (I and II). https://preview.redd.it/dx1id0ruz6pa1.jpg?width=545&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=119fc354d756fded879d65a69a9aa453f691579f If we look at the pyramid over its apex, we shall see the division four equal parts (III). If these parts are opened (IV) will produce 12 angles (combinatorial analysis 3 of 4). This results in the Maltese cross, or Templar cross (V), where the center is located the eye of God, who sees everything (omniscience), precisely the right eye of Christ, who is the central vanishing point in Leonardo painting (ternary on the quaternary). In astrology there are three primary types (come Primary Cause is the Absolute = Universal) and four secondary. The three primary types show human behavior. The secondary indicate the human temperament. Human behavior is determined by the mode of expression (Cardinal, or the one who initiates an action. The fixed stabilizes the action. The mutable amend the action). It´s is the gunas of the Vedic tradition: Rajas, Tamas and Sattva, which make up matter. We can represent these correlations through the diagram below, where the archetypes are formed considering the kinetic and static manifestation of matter and its modulation with three forms of behavior, producing the twelve basic types of temperaments, according to the diagram: https://preview.redd.it/4cmpcwgxz6pa1.jpg?width=571&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f443519d8945c6a60906232c7464e8aaab40c41f We speak of the qualifications of Leonardo that among them he held the astrological knowledge. It is precisely this knowledge that is being revealed in his work. He had deep knowledge of archetypes, detailing its characteristics, perfectly demonstrating the zodiac with the twelve signs of the Sun (Christ) as the center of events and creation, which becomes more evident if we observe that the apostles were arranged in four groups of three. Thus, we have four groups, linking them to the four seasons of the year with an apostle for each sign. Each station has three months and consequently three signs, starting in the spring, which is the vernal equinox in the northern hemisphere, with the months of March, April and May, related to Aries, Taurus and Gemini. The summer, with the months of June, July and August, related to Cancer, Leo and Virgo. The autumn, with the months of September, October and November, related to Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius and winter, including December, January and February, related to Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces. https://preview.redd.it/wdvzgvr007pa1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ac4ccd825092e43176e5222127031f01ceee4fd Another way to demonstrate this is the figure we see a three-dimensional form, with the figure of Christ and the apostles to the center divided in the ecliptic (the Sun's equator). https://preview.redd.it/wkna4mf307pa1.jpg?width=243&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=111e3684719940bb7716d259977049919937a630 In the zodiacal wheel, we have divided the signs forming axes, where a sign has his virtuous characteristics, and the difficulties are experienced in the sign placed in opposition. This refers to the principle of polarity, which says that everything has two poles, and they are similar in nature, varying; however the degree and that these polarities can be reconcilable (The Kybalion - Hermes Trismegistus). To overcome the difficulties represented by shadow, there to seek the virtues that which is light, located in their opposition. In reality what must determine between the two poles is the search for balance, i.e., the central point is that the figure of Christ. It is to live the way of temperance, the middle path. The consciousness. Associating the different disciples (nominated by Leonardo himself), we have the representation in the figure below: https://preview.redd.it/bssqcv8607pa1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=75601f90d3a08f1dd18d2fe6da25ec0d1cbd5d11 Jesus opens his left hand upward, feeding those placed his left. Are the seasons of spring and summer, where there is the birth and growth. The right hand side down in an act of absorption of energy and experiences accumulated by the autumn and winter seasons, related to maturity and death. This demonstrates the zodiacal cycle of birth and death. It is noted that the same correlation is made in that the light is projected to the left and the right shade Christ. The same polar duality is also represented in the mantle of Jesus delimiting the two hemispheres. At the head of the table, to the extreme left side of Christ, we have the figure of Simon, representing Aries. Leonardo represents in the order of left to right, since the signs, as seen from the earth moving anti-clockwise. Aries, the sign that opens the zodiac, is the pioneering characteristics, leadership, initiative, and this is exactly the role demonstrated by Simon, sit at the head table. Aries rules the head and the head of Simon are displayed prominently. The position of Simon's ascendancy over the others. But not only is the position occupied by Simon Aries denoting this role but what the theme suggests, because everything results from something spoken by Simon, as the other apostles are commenting, arguing and watching Simon himself, it was told. If Aries is related to the self, the personality, Libra corresponds to the other, the relationship and the satisfaction of the need of the partner. It is ideal for Libra living relationship in an atmosphere of peace, beauty, balance and harmony. The figure of John, diametrically opposed to Simon receives and absorbs the full impact of what was spoken, causing it to assume a posture of submission and retirement. John's hands are placed in position reconciliation. The figure actually has a female face, because Libra, seeking harmony is associated with receptive condition. The garment also refers to balance, in that is divided in two colors. Libra is ruled by Venus and Aries by Mars. This is the axis of individuality, and Aries representing the personification of the psychological ego and Libra the other with whom the ego relates. Next we have Judas Thaddaeus. It is related to the sign of Taurus. Taurus is characterized by personal values, possessions, to have. Taurus has the need to develop a solid structure, have support. In the painting we see that is the only apostle to lean on the table, put the left arm using the table as a shield. The size of the Taurus is solid, strong. Taurus rules the neck and throat and this is very evident in the painting. The attitude of Judas is prudence. He argues and accepted. This is the value axis and power, having one side of Taurus and Scorpio on the other. Scorpio is represented by Judas Iscariot. Scorpio relates to the values of the other, the collective values. Judas, for he was treasurer of the group. Scorpio is the sign of the depths, transformation, regeneration or death. Ruled by Pluto or Hades, represents all that is profound and transformative. The role of Judas Iscariot, as misinterpreted by the Christian traditions, was critical to the tragic outcome of the drama that is the passion and resurrection. Judas Iscariot somehow was the most loyal of the apostles, because he did fulfill the scriptures. He took the most painful mission of the group fulfilling the order to terminate the Sinedrion following the proper order of Jesus, when he said, "Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss? (Luke 22:48). Actually Scorpio is the dynamo of the Zodiac, because it determines the transformation processes necessary for evolution of life. Judas Iscariot in the painting is presented as a spectator, watching the unfolding drama, examining the course of events. These are characteristics of Scorpio. Deeply analyzes, traces the strategies and act at the right time, accurately. Next we have Matthew, related to Gemini whose ruler is Mercury. Gemini is related to the whole mental process and communication. The mental concrete, the process of accumulation of cognitive and applied knowledge to material reality. The natives of Gemini are slender and agile, jovial, looking curious and considering all possible variables facing situations. They can be considered, sometimes contradictory, unstable, and fickle. Matthew demonstrates some of these features. He is communicating with Simon, looking at him, but arguing with hands and arms as if he had considering all aspects of what was said. May also appear an ambiguity between what was said and what the group thinks. As Gemini is related to communication and speech relates anatomically to the shoulders, arms and hands and this is what we also noted the figure of Matthew, who is also considered the reporter of Christ, like Mercury (Hermes), the messenger of Jupiter (Zeus). We have here the axis of knowledge and wisdom. Peter opposes Matthew, representing Sagittarius. It is the sign associated with religion. Sagittarius governs the higher subjects, abstract knowledge and spontaneously puts into the unknown. Sometimes it is brutish and can express themselves with excessive frankness. This corresponds to the spirit of Peter, who founded the Church, or the Christian religion, with Paul (Saulo de Tarsus). The faith when taken to its ultimate consequences may be blind and in his defense all can be allowed. Peter's hand is holding a knife to defend his own ideals, not in a threatening attitude to John, by some want to believe, even argued by Dan Brown. Sagittarius, the centaur wields the bow with the arrow to be thrown. Anatomically Sagittarius governs the hips and this is evident in the painting. The right hand rests on it. The disposition of the body of Peter remembers the design of the symbol of Sagittarius. In the sequel we have Philip, associated to Cancer. Here we come to the bottom of the Zodiac, or Imum Coeli (Latin for "bottom of the sky"), is the axial point of the unconscious corresponding to all devotional manifestation, the maternal feeling, the origins and traditions. This relates to home and family and Philip embodies this archetype. With distinctly feminine face, Philip takes his two hands to his chest, as if calling everyone as children to be reconciled. Indeed, precisely Cancer governs the breasts, stomach and uterus. Hands with arms also form a figure that resembles the claws of the crab is the cancer itself. This is the time axis, with the past and destiny. The past is associated to cancer, the mother, and the future (Capricorn) with father. So Capricorn governs the destination, i.e., what we seek as a career, as the goal of life and social role as we seek and desire recognition. It concerns the authority. So, Andrew as Capricorn is clearly a Capricorn attitude. Capricorn is cautious and practical and could be cold and pessimistic. As Philip says "come to me," Andrew seems to say "depart from me", because to assume the responsibilities is to calculate and plan what should be done. Capricorn corresponds anatomically to the entire bone structure, knees, skin. In painting Andrew is the one who has hands with bony fingers, demonstrating the bone structure. Alongside Philip, we see James the Less, related to Lion. Leo is sovereign. Charismatic, flashy, creative, dramatic, seeks recognition through the exhibition. It is ruled by the Sun and radiates its light. Leo governs the heart that is analogous to body sun. These characteristics are clearly incorporated to James Minor. Surely he is the most beautiful scenic figure painting. James to take the attitude of open arms, exposing the light, standing next to Christ himself. Demonstrates an open chest, the heart of generosity, a typically leonine behavior, which sometimes comes to be naïve and centered on vanity and self-centeredness. This is the axis of the power of creation. If Leo is the maintenance of creation, Aquarius is change and renewal which is also creation. Leo governs the power of the king, the monarch. Aquariums are the collective power, the group, society. This axis is that occur the struggle for power. Aquarius, with Uranus the ruler promotes all sorts of abrupt changes, meaning always drastic changes. Often in the name of innovation is deposed monarch for the establishment of a new regime, to then become similar with the previous model. It is what is observed with the Aquarian revolutions like the French Revolution, with the deposition of Louis XVI. Napoleon was later crowned as emperor (Leo). Recently, we have the Cuban Revolution, with the deposition of Dictator Fulgencio Batista and Fidel ruling as King-Dictator. Aquarius is associated in this way, the actions of libertarian, to rebellion, radicalism because it is engaged with human values, such as progressive values, but it is impersonal. Analyzing the figure of James the Greater, we see that it does not appear in the foreground. He does not expose himself alone, but through the group, through diplomacy and see: Aquarius is the sign of friendship and we see James hugging Andrew and Peter, demonstrating that the strength comes from the group and not on individual attitudes. Finally, we have Thomas, representing the Virgin. The Virgo is related to the practicality, analysis and criticism. It also ruled by Mercury, but here the mental focuses on utilitarian and practical application to be given to all things. For that reason they questioned him, details and discriminate. Virgos is in extreme need to feel useful and provide their service, but to do so he needs to understand the cause of things. Within these characteristics we see the figure of Thomas. Thomas needs to see to believe. Thomas in his act of inquisitor asks to Christ himself, in that puts her right in front of Jesus forefinger. As Virgo tends toward shyness and humility, Thomas is also placed in a position away from the table. This is the axis of the serve, having Virgin correspond to service pragmatic and Pisces, the humanist service, sometimes not very clear and perceptible, which may lead Pisces to live in a state of unreality. Pisces is associated with the dreamer inspiration and understanding. Are compassionate, emotional, intuitive and romantic, but for this state of contemplation, if not well channeled, can lead to evasion and fanciful attitudes, having difficulty perceiving reality. Bartholomew the Apostle is which closes the zodiacal circle. He is on the other side of the table. It clearly demonstrates the Piscean characteristics. It seems that his vision is directed to a point that goes beyond the environment portrayed, a point diffuse and may not realize exactly what is going on. Does not speak, only observes, contemplates and accepts. Pisces rules the feet are just his feet, interlaced, which are illuminated under the table. Pisces has great intuitive potential, but needs to know how he can transform his nature, his sense of serving humanity in a more practical and constructive way. Thus we come complete cycle of the zodiac, sounding clear that the message displayed in this painting, as in other works of genius. It conveys much more than seemingly suggests. True knowledge was hidden in encrypted form by the need to preserve it, protecting it from the misunderstanding of those who thought they possessed the truth. What is hidden, veiled, does not mean it is not to be seen. It is only unveiled to those with eyes to see. Leonardo leaves us that genuine arcane wisdom was, is and will be the knowledge which guides humanity toward enlightenment through awareness. Astrology, by the psychological approach is a process that allows us to analyze, understanding paradoxes, our conflicts, our shadow, our projections, and perhaps, through self-knowledge, doing the reintegration of contents for consciousness, so we can promote the process of transforming into true human, and better integrated with the sacred. The path continues to be followed. Astrology shall be understood in this view, showing that the splendor of diversity means that we may above all be tolerant and compassionate, understand the nature of the differences and accept them as a manifestation of the same source of life. submitted by menorahman100 to SaturnStormCube [link] [comments] |
2023.03.22 01:04 cr_eddit Here we go again...
This is a rant, you have been warned.
https://www.reddit.com/Asthma/comments/11ro0kj/ive_had_one_of_my_worst_attacks_yet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Exactly one week ago I had what had to be my worst flare. (See post linked above) Long story short: I stuck it out and went to my PCP the day after.
Exactly one week later, here I am again.
Sitting in my room, cramming some papers for Uni when the coughing begins. I think strange, this is exactly like it was last week, to the day. I've used my inhaler during lectures about seven hours before and it helped, but not this time. The tightness progresses slowly into a massive coughing fit, that after my dumb ass deciding to ride it out, goes on for about six hours. I stupidly decide to take the plunge and call 911 (or 112 here in Germany). They show up extremely quickly, but nonetheless the worst is over and other than finding my O2 sat RR and lungs perfectly fine and my heart rate going through the roof (obviously after some 15-20 puffs of my rescue inhaler) nothing is wrong with me.
We decided to not take the drive to the ER, as they said they couldn't do anything for me that I couldn't do myself and since the worst was already over when they arrived, I agreed. (to my defense, I told them I was mostly fine and the worst was over when I called. They agreed, I should have called sooner).
Now I am dealing with my guilty conscience, since I knew exactly this was going to happen, but I made them come for nothing only to tell my PCP "I did what you told me to last week, huh."
I mean, where is the point? I've got a pulse ox (that apparently is perfectly in line with its values with the one the EMS had, we checked), a nebulizer, countless rescue inhalers and even some prednisone.
But also, I want to get to the bottom of this. This is NOT normal for me, especially considering the fact that nothing obvious has changed in my life, except for now also taking Montelukast daily and no, this is not panic attacks, these are coughing fits like there literally is no tomorrow, tight chest and some wheezing.
I just want to know WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME???
Oh, and yes I ruled out Covid. And most allergies (grass, rye, alder, birch, earl, hazelnut, ash, mold, cat, dog) all negative.
Thank you for reading my rant. Anyone experienced anything similar?
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2023.03.22 01:02 Piano-Piovanna [Italy, 20M] My personal experience with beermoney
Hi all, it's my first post here (at least relevant one i hope), i wanted to post about my journey in the beermoney world as i think that i explored quite a lot of sites. Many of them didn't actually work as expected or just didn't work at all (or they weren't so profitable to actually spend time and effort on them).
In particular i'll include all the things i did even if they didn't work just because maybe one of y'all will find them useful. [For the things that worked/and still works, i'll post both the normal and referral link, with the second one generally there are bonuses for both of us that i'll describe, for the one that didn't work, or i didn't let them be, i'll post the link itself without referral]
[For a lot of them i have cash out proof, you can ask me for those in the comments and i'll send them to you, for others i'm still working on them so i'll write those down and specify that]
First one is Honeygain, a site (or app) where you can sell your extra internet bandwith. In particular you can cash out in two different ways:
1- reaching 25$ in the normal "wallet" and you can be payed with either paypal (and i'm not quite sure but i think there's a bitcoin option as well)
2- you can connect a crypto wallet (like metamask) and gain jmpt (jumptask token), personally i use this one as it doesn't require a specific threshold and it did (and still does) pretty well during the bear market
Talking about the referral is, for you, a bonus of 5$ in the normal wallet, and for me an extra 10% of gaining and 500 points
Peer2Profit - another bandwith sharing app (referral - non referral)
It's the same thing as honeygain, and you can actually use both of them at the same time.
About the referral i don't really know the bonuses, and thus you can do whatever you feel like.
The cashout it's actually very easy, you have to decide which method to use (there are a lot so i won't go in details for that) starting for as little as 2$.
This one as the title says is a survey site, but it has one peculiarity, as you won't be kicked out of a survey once you initiated it (something that happens a lot of time, too much for me, with other sites) even if in Italy there aren't many surveys they still offer you with a demografic info (11 questions every once in a while) and they give 3 cents for each of them (while the normal surveys have various rewards).
You can cash out with paypal once you reached 15$, it took a loooong time for me to do it but at the end i did it.
The referral i guess gives me a bonus once you cash out but it's not very clear so sorry for this one too.
Here in Italy, but i heard even in a lot of other places, it works fine and has a lot of surveys, the problem as mentioned before is that the companies providing those surveys can and will kick you out of it just because. Some users tell that after a fer payout they ban you but i still have to arrive at that point so i'll discover it.
The cashout has no real limit and can be done using paypal, tecnically being a limit itself with their fees.
The referral should give you a head start (the quantity may vary) and i'll take a bonus, 10%, of what you make.
Trading212 - stock market app (the referral is not open right now - non referral)
It's a stock market app where you can buy, sell and trade stocks, etf and etc... the most important thing in reality was the referral, but the current offer has expired (it may as well comeback in a few days) where both of us would gain a random stock (from 1$ to 100$ of possible value) if you complete a series of steps. (maybe once it goes live again i'll update the post and link the referral too)
Personally i really like the site, basically you can do a lot of things starting from surveys, games, installing apps, registering to sites, and a lot more and earn money from them.
The cashout starts from 5000 points (or 5$) but it's quite easy to reach that and you can choose from various options, like paypal, crypto (quite a few of them), and other gift cards.
The referral will give you a starting chest that can contain up to 250$ if i remember correctly, and i'll receive a % of your gains.
Binance offers a learn and earn program that pays you in various crypto (that you can do whatever you want with them after you gain them) just by answering a few quiz regarding those cryptos.
The referral itself it's quite useless unless you have a lot of money to invest, but i'm trying to keep it as free as possible.
Coinbase - crypto exchange pt.2 (non referral)
Same thing regarding binance both with the earning and referral. (i didn't post the referral link as i don't have an account in there anymore)
Rewardy.io - get paid to watch streams (referral- non referral)
This site lets you connect your twitch account and lets you watch streams while paying you, the problem with this is that you have a limit time of watching, to earn, that you can gain by doing various activities like watching clips or answering surveys.
With the referral link i'll gain 25 of said points (both money and time) and 5% of what you gain.
The cashout is at 2500 points and you can choose from different things. (i have yet to cash out even if i have the coins)
This is an idle game, so you'll have to set it up to let it produce something, it's very slow and does take a loot of time to actually gain consistently going free to play but i think it's promising as you don't really have to do anything with it.
I have yet to cash out but the options are quite a few. The referral bonus i don't really know how it works here (yeah i know i said that a few times already i'm sorry about this but i didn't have people to test it with and those sites don't really explain it that well)
Rollercoin - Bitcoin mining simulator (referral- non referral)
Personally i did actually dropped it a long time ago but i heard that with referrals it can work (kinda suspicious but eh i guess) you have to get your miners and activate them every day plus you can play minigames to get bonuses.
BeForthright - survey site (non referral)
I couldn't log in or at least see surveys in here but i know of people who can so yeah maybe you'll gain something from it, i can't really help much.
Neither this one worked for me, there are a lot of surveys to do, but with the possibility of being kicked out.
Well for now i have ended my list as i can't actually find a few sites that i used in the past, when i'll retrieve them i'll update the post. I hope at least some of y'all will find this usefull.
submitted by
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beermoneyglobal [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 01:01 cr_eddit Here we go again...
This is a rant, you have been warned.
https://www.reddit.com/Asthma/comments/11ro0kj/ive_had_one_of_my_worst_attacks_yet/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Exactly one week ago I had what had to be my worst flare. (See post linked above) Long story short: I stuck it out and went to my PCP the day after.
Exactly one week later, here I am again.
Sitting in my room, cramming some papers for Uni when the coughing begins. I think strange, this is exactly like it was last week, to the day. I've used my inhaler during lectures about seven hours before and it helped, but not this time. The tightness progresses slowly into a massive coughing fit, that after my dumb ass deciding to ride it out, goes on for about six hours. I stupidly decide to take the plunge and call 911 (or 112 here in Germany). They show up extremely quickly, but nonetheless the worst is over and other than finding my O2 sat RR and lungs perfectly fine and my heart rate going through the roof (obviously after some 15-20 puffs of my rescue inhaler) nothing is wrong with me.
Now I am dealing with my guilty conscience, since I knew exactly this was going to happen, but I made them come for nothing only to tell my PCP "I did what you told me to last week, huh."
I mean, where is the point? I've got a pulse ox (that apparently is perfectly in line with its values with the one the EMS had, we checked), a nebulizer, countless rescue inhalers and even some prednisone.
But also, I want to get to the bottom of this. This is NOT normal for me, especially considering the fact that nothing obvious has changed in my life (except for now also taking Montelukast daily and no, this is not panic attacks, these are coughing fits like there literally is no tomorrow, tight chest and some wheezing).
I just want to know WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME???
Oh, and yes I ruled out Covid. And most allergies (grass, rye, alder, birch, earl, hazelnut, ash, mold, cat, dog) all negative.
Thank you for reading my rant. Anyone experienced anything similar?
submitted by
cr_eddit to
u/cr_eddit [link] [comments]
2023.03.22 00:52 Luchamore Trip Report 2/15-3/6: Tokyo, Hakone, Kyoto, Osaka, and more!
After a couple weeks of recovery, I've had some time to write up a trip report! This vacation was the best I've ever had and I'm excited to share some highlights here, along with some mistakes I made and travel tips. My plans were to meet up with two friends for the first 1.5 weeks of the trip, then to go solo for the last week. They would fly to Chicago to connect with me, then we'd all fly over together to Narita.
Pre-flight - I filled out the Japan entry forms to provide proof of vaccination, declare for customs, etc. We saved a pretty good amount of time with that compared to people filling out paperwork on the plane.
- For phone / internet we went with pocket wireless and it was incredibly smooth basically the whole time. We got two units for times where we'd be separated as well as a pocket translator, which was an unnecessary expense. You're not getting any added value over Google Translate.
- For daily travel we all went with Suica and that was again a very simple, intuitive experience. I'd just periodically add on funds to my Apple Wallet and ended up paying for a bunch of stuff with that rather than cash / credit. My one friend went with the actual card instead of using his phone, which had one advantage: some ticket machines would only accept Suica via card and through the app.
- For the shinkansens we skipped the JR Pass and just booked tickets that day, which was mostly fine. The machines wouldn't accept my credit card so I'd need to go talk to a person, but I knew enough about where I wanted to go and what to do I muddled through. We did opt for the Hakone Free Pass as that would cover basically all the transportation for that area and saved a little money.
- I'm fortunate to have a friend living in Japan who helped arrange a couple events for us... if you don't have that option you can try to book some tickets at Lawson, or for restaurants you can try to go 1-2 days in advance and ask about reservations.
- I tried taking a language course ahead of the trip and learning a few key phrases... I was not able to hold a conversation but the little bit I did know helped I believe. One "caution" I'll give is that if you use Google Translate to construct a sentence for you in Japanese, you're likely to get a response in Japanese!
Part 1: Tokyo 2/15 + 2/16 - Friend B unfortunately overslept and missed his first flight, so Friend A and I met up in the morning at O'Hare. I did have to check one of my bags at the gate because it was over 10 lbs, but otherwise the trip was uneventful until we arrived at Narita, where I had a momentary panic when my checked suitcase did not show up on the carousel. I talked to an agent and for some reason, they had set my bag aside from all the others behind a sign. With that out of the way, we picked up the pocket wi-fi and on our way out the door, a film crew from "Why did you come to Japan" asked us if we would do a brief interview. I recognized their logo and thought it might be fun, but I wasn't prepared for a 40 minute conversation! I mentioned I was visiting a Game Center CX exhibit and they asked me a long line of questions about meeting the show's host (Shinya Arino), what I would say to him, what games we would play, etc. Finally I had to explain we were tired and would like to be on our way. I don't believe my interview was ever shown.
By the time we got tickets and were seated on the Narita Express, we could barely stay awake. Maybe because of the fatigue we had difficulty with exiting Shinjuku station: we eventually talked to an Australian family who showed us the fare exchange kiosk where we converted our Narita Express ticket into a regular train ticket for the gate. Once we settled that we checked into our hotel (Hundred Stay Tokyo Shinjuku), briefly went out to Family Mart for snacks, then crashed for the night.
2/17 - We got up around 7 and went to a Sukiya near our hotel for breakfast, then headed over to Akihabara. Things were still opening up so we stopped for Mr. Donut, then visited a couple stores before moving further east to Yokozuna Tonkatsu Dosukoi Tanaka where we had a lunch / sumo demonstration. This was very much a tourist thing: there was a brief explanation of the sumo ceremony and technique before they invited the audience to get in sumo costumes and step in the ring and have matches with the wrestlers. I (and about 90% of the attendees) went up: this was absolutely not a serious match and was closer to improv comedy than anything. Still, we had a good time and the food was fine.
Afterward, we went back to Akihabara for a reservation at an owl cafe. We got some cute photos but I admit those owls could not have been happy, as there were 30 of them in a small room. The handlers would let one perch on your arm but were adamant you not let go of their leash, because if you did... it wouldn't be pretty. At this point we had to return to our hotel to link up with Friend B who had just arrived, then we went back to Akihabara for dinner. Dinner was at Merino, an all you can eat place where we had lamb and beef tongue in a hot pot. Fittingly, there was a collaboartion with a lamb girl V-tuber. We were again pretty wiped out after dinner and retreated back to our hotel.
2/18 - After a quick stop at Family Mart we headed to Ueno for the Tokyo National Museum. Unfortunately the special exhibition was closed, but we enjoyed the historical artifacts that were available. We had a ramen lunch at one of the restaruants at Ueno Station, then head over to Akihabara (yes, again) and crawled through the shops in more depth. We were there on Saturday afternoon so there were people everywhere, so that only lasted for a couple hours. Our bags were full so we dropped things off at the hotel, then ate dinner at a Coco Ichibanya: we all kept our orders pretty low on the scale but as advertised, there's a kick even at "2". Finally we visited Star Club, a Super Mario themed bar located nearby. Despite the gimmick, the crowd appeared to be local aside from our group. We each ordered a couple of the themed drinks and bonded with the bartender over Cowboy Bebop through the language barrier, as he was playing the soundtrack for ambience.
2/19 - Our first stop in the morning was the Ghibli Musem. While my previous visit had been lackluster, this one went much better as there was a significantly smaller crowd so early in the day. Plus, while they are still largely not supporting English, the movie shown had no dialogue and they did actually provide an English guide for the special exhibit on Future Boy Conan! The merch shop was of course seductive and we ended up with souvenirs for ourselves and friends. Our lunch plans unfortunately fell through as our targeted spot (Chillmatic, a burger place) was closed for a building inspection. We opted for another random ramen place as we walked over to the PARCO mall in Shibuya. We visited all the character stores (Nintendo, Pokemon, Capcom, etc.), which were of course also mobbed on a Sunday afternoon. At this point I had easily outgrown the space in my luggage, so our next stop was Don Quijote so Friend A and I could each buy a duffel bag. To make up for earlier we visited Shogun Burger for dinner, which was fantastic.
2/20 - Our first travel day, but before heading out we did a little more shopping in Shinjuku: my friends and I really got into visiting every BookOff we could find. I also took the opportunity to stop at McDonalds for an early lunch and try their "exclusive" menu items. We then boarded the Odakyu line to make our way out to Hakone. In hindsight, I definitely should have forwarded a bag to our Kyoto hotel: I had a very uncomfortable trip moving between trains and walking uphill but after a couple hours we made it to Ajisai Onsen Ryokan. The building was in a traditional style but with modern furnishings: to paint a picture, our room had futons and an Amazon Fire Stick. We booked times to reserve some of the baths, then walked to a local gyoza place - and I mean local, a bunch of schoolchildren stampeded in with us as it opened - then headed back to the hotel for our evening bath. To cap the evening we enjoyed some sake and watched a few episodes of Spy x Family.
2/21 - We got an early start with our morning bath and quickly came to a realization. The previous night we had booked the "indoor / outdoor" bath, which had both an indoor and outdoor bath but critically kept the showers indoors. For the morning we were in the "outdoor" bath, which... had the showers outdoors. When it was right around freezing. Afterward we ate breakfast at the hotel, then went on the "Hakone Loop". We started by walking through Gora Park and participating in a brief tea ceremony, then took the rope car up to Owaukudani. We were lucky and there were clear skies so Mt. Fuji was very visible in the distance. Unfortunately part of the ropeway was out of service so we took a bus down to Lake Ashi, which we then crossed by boat. We quickly stopped for snacks then walked along Ancient Cedar Avenue before catching a bus back closer to our hotel. We unfortunately missed the last cable car for the day - they stop before 4:30 - but we managed to figure out the local bus line to get back. After a brief rest we found dinner at Pub Stop Pizza & Bar and took in some local entertainment (a TV was playing Fast and the Furious 7).
2/22 - Another bath, another hotel breakfast, and a quick stop at the Hakone Art Museum before we got on our way to our next destination. I asked / begged for us to take a cab back down the mountain to Hakone-Yumoto, which saved me from more luggage struggles. At the station we stopped in Eva-ya: I had only learned yesterday that Hakone is the setting for much of Neon Genesis Evangelion, but luckily they had some cover files and sweets ready for me to buy. After a couple hour trip on the shinkansen we arrived at Kyoto and with a bit of fumbling got to our hotel. The key here is that there is a second floor walkway that runs North - South through the station and doesn't require paying train fare. Our Kyoto hotel (Daiwa Roynet Hotel Kyoto Ekimae) had a very slick entrance way: it blended in with the building to the point you'd think you're walking towards a wall without signage. We did some laundry, then went next door to the Yodobashi to pick up a couple items (Friend A needed new sneakers) and literally got lost again. After again getting reoriented, we headed back to Kyoto Station where we got conveyor belt sushi. These places do technically exist where I'm from (US) but this was still one of my favorite moments on the trip.
2/23 - Kicked off the day at the Kyoto International Manga Museum. The bulk of the museum is an impossibly large manga library, which didn't serve me too well, but I enjoyed the history sections. One room was devoted to sculptures of the hands of famous artists, which was certainly a choice. They also had an artist there who would draw sketches of you for 1500 yen. I was a little worried I was paying for the equivalent of a carnival caricature, but the skill and detail were much better than that. Be advised, the artists are only available on holidays and weekends.
Afterward I took the train down to Osaka to meet a friend living in Japan for... you guessed it more shopping. We visited the Capcom Cafe first and checked out the rest of the nerdy stores at Daimaru Umeda. Unlike in Shibuya, we did need to get a timed entry ticket for the Nintendo store, so we went over to Mandarake to kill time. After finishing up in Umeda we hit up the Daimaru / PARCO at Shinsaibashi, then visited the Dotunburi Glico sign and walked the river. They took my picture and when I offered to take theirs they replied "no... I'm not a tourist". Oof. In the evening I met back up with my travel group and had udon at a spot in Kyoto Station.
2/24 - Slightly mixed things up here: we went to the Imperial Palace in order to get tickets for Katsura Imperial Villa. Unfortunately, same day tickets were not available as we expected, so we instead had to get them for Sunday 2/26. Still visited the palace, and in spite of the rain still had fun. Then back to Osaka where we ended up visiting Daimaru again - the other guys liked some photos I sent so much they wanted to see it too. Had takoyaki for lunch, then took the train to the Osaka Aquarium. The absolutely massive tank at the center was very impressive. Then stayed in the area and went to the park to wat a New Japan Pro Wrestling show. This was one of the first shows that allowed the whole audience to cheer: people were quiet but by the end of the night things were rocking. Interestingly they still only sat people in every other chair. Lastly while the other guys went to bed I had read on Twitter there was a party near our hotel to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Star Fox. Stopped by there and while it was a little awkward at first once I found the more gregarious / drunk people there it was a good time. One guy insisted I get in front of a camera and talk for a second, and it showed up in a video they posted on Twitter.
2/25 - Went to Nara and saw the deer. The deer are docile if you don't have food, friendly if you do, and absolutely terrifying to children. The amount of "yada yada yada" and "kowai" I heard... At first we were giving whole crackers out, but we learned that we could break them up, leave them on our palm, get them to bow, etc. Headed over to Todai-ji and saw the huge Buddha. It was in fact very, very large. Doubled back and played with the deer a bit more, then took the train to Kyoto. I took the lull in the afternoon to visit the office of Edit Mode, a clothing maker that specializes in video game goods. They occasionally host an "open house" at their office and we were lucky enough to be there during one. For dinner we ate okonomiyaki at a restaurant in the Yodobashi building, then afterward took a trip to the nearest BookOff before hitting the hay.
2/26 - This was definitely our biggest mixup on the trip. We had been planning to go to Fushimi Inari in the morning but there were some scheduling issues:
- We didn't take not of how long the hike would be (2-3 hours).
- We overslept (woke up at 7:30 instead of 6).
- We had a hard stop time to make the Katsura Imperial Villa tour we'd booked on Thursday.
We probably should've just not gone to Fushimi Inari at all but we did and ended up arriving with less than an hour to stay. We walked up the steps for about 15 minutes, turned back, checked out the start of the path, and left :( At least the Villa was a good experience: we had an English speaking guide (+ recording) which helped a lot. The context felt necessary to understanding how carefully the whole area was designed.
Next up was one last stop at our Kyoto hotel before taking a quick train ride to Osaka. We stayed at the Hotel Granvia Osaka, which is literally right above the station, so the location was certainly convenient. We ate sushi for lunch at one of the many restaurants in the building, took a quick nap, then went out for some taiyaki. Specifically, I forced my friends to go to a particular chain that was collaborating with a V-Tuber. back to the hotel where we checked out then hopped on the train to Osaka. Checked into our hotel and people napped for a bit before we headed out again. Got taiyaki (making my friends visit a chain with a Hololive collab). More shopping followed with a stop at Mandarake, then to Don Quijote where I bought another small suitcase. We ended up more or less skipping dinner and heading out for karaoke, where we had some snacks and drinks.
2/27 - For my friends' final day we went to Universal Studios Japan. This could be its entire own post but I recommend looking for tickets at least a month in advance, get the Express Pass, and get there early. The park is supposed to open at 9, and even though we showed up at 8:30 people were already pouring inside. Our main objective was Super Nintendo World but our timed entry wasn't for a couple hours, so we tried Jujutsu Kaisen 4D (okay), Spider-Man (good), and Jurassic Park the Ride (okay) first. As for Super Nitendo World itself... as long as you know it's intended for kids and has about a 4 hour lifespan you'll enjoy it. The Mario Kart ride was very good the AR game was interesting tech, and the restaurant food was alright. Really though, the Flying Dinosaur which went on afterward was incredible and easily my favorite ride. Unfortunately, Friend A became ill afterward so we ended up bailing to go back to the hotel and rest. After he felt better we grabbed dinner at a local ramen place: the gimmick was they lined the bowl with slices of pork, which you could then put in the broth to cook a little and season the whole bowl.
2/28 - My two friends left for America, so we checked out of our room and I checked into a smaller one at the same spot. This hotel didn't have laundry machines, just an expensive service (200 yen to clean one pair of underwear), so instead I found a laundromat nearby and caught up with family by phone while I waited. On the way back to the hotel I stopped at another Yodobashi, where I committed a gaffe: you're supposed to check out on each floor. Once I apologized a bunch and paid, I grabbed lunch at Wendy's and got settled into my new room. For dinner I went to another of the restaurants in the building, then took a train to Namba to see a retro video game bar. A couple drinks and a chat with the bartender later, I headed back for the night.
3/1 - A very nerdy shopping day in Osaka: first to the Daimaru character shops, then over to Parco character shops, then I just used Google Maps to hit BookOffs one after the other. I made my way south until I hit DenDen Town where I stopped in every store I saw until I had to break away for dinner. A local friend helped me book a reservation in Kobe Took the train out to Kobe where a friend had helped me make a reservation at a steak restaurant. I went for the "modarately" cheap option that was about $100 total and loved it from beginning to end. Also strangely this was the only restaurant anywhere I could tip: you had to tip individually and could only max it out at 500 yen. I tipped the two waiters, the chef, and the host / barker outside (who had good English so we talked a bit).
3/2 - My Fushimi Inari revenge trip! I got there around 9am so things were already pretty busy, but I did get the chance to chat with one of the tour guides while I had a morning coffee. The starting area was pretty busy and even as I went along, I ran into a lot of people but there was still enough space to take photos and see everything. I definitely paused at a few points: even walking 20,000 steps daily on the trip hadn't prepared me for all the stair climbing. I'd also suggest that you don't NEED to go all the way to the top: there's just a store up there that completely obscures the view, the better views are earlier in the hike. With that said, I still really enjoyed myself, taking a different route back down. I grabbed a couple of snacks and took the train back to Osaka, where I finished up exploring Namba and went with a friend for an unagidon dinner. I'd had broiled eel before as sushi but never as the full entree and found it delicious!
3/3 - After checking out of the hotel and forwarding two of my bags to Tokyo, I caught the shinkansen but made a detour while in Yokohama to visit the Gundam Factory. The Gundam is very impressive in person and I would definitely recommend visiting in the early evening to see it after dark if possible. I proceeded onto Shinjuku where I ran into another issue: I was staying at a capsule hotel and immmediately realized I was not comfortable there. Everyone's bags were kept in a locker room that was not closely monitored, there were signs everywhere advising the hotel was not responsible for any theft... I should have done more reading to understand where I'd be staying. I would have been better off in a hostel, at least that would've been cheaper! I did at least have a chance to visit Shogun Burger again for dinner, after which I booked a new hotel for the next night, then got a few hours of restless sleep as I heard every snore and cough from my neighbors.
3/4 - I rose early and walked to Shinjuku Gyoen Garden. You really can use Suica in a lot of places, they even accepted it here! Most plants weren't in bloom yet but I did spot a lone cherry blossom tree that had blossomed: as I passed by it later in my walk a dozen people had crowded around for photos. A lot of stuff was not in bloom yet but I did see one cherry tree had blossomed at least. After getting my fill of nature I ventured over to Nakano Broadway. Out of all the nerdy shopping I did, this spot was my least favorite: maybe if I knew Japanese I would've fared better but because I didn't, I found all the various specialty stores confusing to navigate. I stopped back at the capsule hotel to pick up my luggage, then headed to Nipponbashi to check into my backup hotel (S-Peria Inn Nihonbashi Hakozaki). This new spot was pretty out of the way so I opted to just grab some sushi from a nearby supermarket and park it for the evening with the hope of a strong start tomorrow.
3/5 - Checked out of my hotel and headed over to Shinjuku to check in to my final hotel (Kadoya Hotel) for the trip. Dropped off my bags and confirmed my other ones had shown up safely, then headed to Shibuya Parco for the Final Fantasy 35th Anniversary pop-up. Shopped there for a bit, then headed back to Chillmatic and this time they were open! It was a neat experience but I think I preferred Shogun Burger. Next stop was Meijijingu - I didn't leave a votive and instead just walked around, including a stop in one of the gardens. Then over to HMV Books where there was a 20th Anniversary Celebration for Game Center CX. However busy I expected it to be, it was not... at all. I was the only person who paid the 800 yen for the museum part in the 30-45 minutes I was there. But I did enjoy it and picked up a T-shirt. I also found a small pop-up gallery titled "9Days" on a lower floor that was interesting. It was getting late but I pressed onto Akihabara where I went to the Radio Kaikan tower. I stayed there until closing, then headed over to Tokyo Video Gamers, a bar. They had closed down last year but were in the middle of a soft re-launch when I stopped by. Finally, I headed back to my hotel and ordered some Dominos because I was tired of walking around.
3/6 - Checked out of my hotel, but left my bags so I could go eat breakfast at Eggslut at the station. Took the Narita Express to the airport, shopped a little bit at the airport shops, then the long sad flight back to the US.
That was a linguistic dreadnought so if anything is unclear let me know and I'll try to clean it up. Hope you enjoyed and it helps with your own planning: I'll answer questions as best as I can!
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2023.03.22 00:37 BoneBreaker-718 I might become a serial killer (very long)
I’ve never fit in with others. I was socially awkward and the people around me would dub me as 'weird' or would pick on me for it. I hardly made friends at all, and would often sit alone during lunch. Because of this, I began developing a major self-deprecation problem at around the age of 6, and have had it since then.
During 4th grade, most were good until I was touched inappropriately by another student in class, we'll call him J. I was too scared to bring it up to my parents until 2 years later. I guess you could say, he got away with it.
Years go on and I end up with severe depression and anxiety during middle school. I started self-harming and began having major suicidal thoughts, along with feelings of loneliness and existential crisis. The two friends I have were either very busy, had no classes with me, or made better friends. The bullying got so much worse as well. Middle school, great times.
Afterward, my parents throw me into therapy at a hospital. Where I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
At one point, the frustration was just unbearable. I wanted to take it all out on something. And what better way to do it, than by killing something?
My first kill was a friend's chicken. While no one was looking, I grabbed a chicken by its wings and stomped down on its head until it died. I was nervous at first, but after that, I felt better. So much better. For that moment only, I felt powerful and stronger than anyone else around me. That feeling didn’t last, however. I was later caught and ended up losing a friend.
My parents were understandably concerned. After a long emotional conversation with them, I promised I’d never do it again. And they believed it. And of course, I lied.
While going to therapy, school, or sports, I would continue to kill smaller animals without my parents knowing. I’d kill frogs, snakes, and most baby birds by ripping them away from their nests. My main way of killing them was by stomping on them, or by cutting their heads off with scissors. I could no longer stop myself. Later, I decided to first kill some animals as a warm-up, and kill actual people in my future.
Now…I reach freshman year, where a big part of my life makes a little more sense. During therapy, I was diagnosed with ASD or high-functioning autism. For the first time in a while, it all made sense.
I now knew why I was the ‘weird kid’ growing up. Normally, people would be happy to hear this. And in a sense I was, but I mostly hated it. A part of me wishes I never had this. Maybe I’d be more normal and acceptable to those around me. And people wouldn't have bullied me that badly.
Despite all of this, a part of me still wishes to be loved. No longer alone, and for someone to understand and accept me. Because of autism, I have a hard time understanding or comprehending some emotions. That being love. The second is with my thought of becoming a murderer not changing. I know that it’s most likely that I’ll be doing it alone, and not with a companion.
Because of my loneliness, and many not relating to my terrible thoughts or ideas (understandably), I’ve always dreamt of a guy that was just like me. He’d hate the world as much as I did, and would be happy to kill alongside me. And he’s accepted me for who I am, along with my autism and weird-ass self. Knowing that that’ll probably never happen, I’ve created an imaginary boyfriend/husband by the name of Jack. He’s a great guy and is always there when I need him. I mostly think of him when laying in bed. I sleep with two body pillows on both sides. Whenever I hug or kiss them, I think of him. I know he’s not real, and knowing the truth always hurts, but it’s something I cling to. The only way I can feel some kind of love, even if it’s fake.
Now, you might be wondering, why not give therapy a chance? Why not tell your parents? I could, but I won’t. I simply cannot. The reason is stupid, but I’ll tell you anyway.
I’m afraid that if I tell them all this shit I’ve been doing behind their backs and tell them about Jack, they’ll try to change me for the better, by throwing me into a psych ward. And will tell me to forget about Jack. I know to you guys, it’d be easy, but he’s the only thing I’ve got. The only thing that can understand me, and love me for the monster I am. Therefore, I will never forget him.
I don’t wish to be changed, I wish to remain a monster. After everything, I’ve fully committed to the idea, that killing people, is the right thing to do. And nothing can change my mind. Regardless, I have little to no value in myself. Because of what I am and what I think of, I’m terrible. Hell is where I’m destined to go, it’s something I’ve just accepted at this point. Even if I end up going alone. It’s what I deserve.
I know some of you guys might be thinking, “People have had it worse than you! You have no reason to be like this! You’re selfish for thinking this!!” And you’re probably right. For further info, I’m not trying to justify my thoughts or my reasons for why I am the way I am. I’m simply terrible and don’t deserve any kind of sympathy for this. I’m only telling you this so I can get this off my chest.
Right now, my family and therapist think I’m doing great. They see me as their perfect woman and daughter that’s making a great recovery. Even though, it’s all a complete lie.
I won’t lie. I do feel bad about lying to my family and others about this. I know I’ve let them down and failed them. Even if they tried to help me, I simply won’t allow it. I've accepted myself for the failure I've become, and can no longer be brought back. I should've never been born.
Mom and dad, I’m sorry for failing you.
Sorry for making this too long. I just had a lotta shit to say. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and listening to me.
PS: Not every person with autism is like this. Many people with autism are very smart and can do incredible things. I’m just a terrible person. Don’t compare those with autism to me.
Thank you.
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